I fucking hated having a secret. Like I was trapped, moving from one kind of secret to the next, holding it all in to protect other people. Mason was out and proud, but I knew he was terrified of telling Kane what we’d been doing.
I was in limbo. Purgatory. Another cage of my own making, because I kept thinking with my cock instead of my brain.
And because,goddamnit, I was starting to realize how much I actually liked him.
I swallowed hard. “It’s nothing. I’m okay.”
“No it isn’t. What’s on your mind? I told you I’ve got at least five minutes—”
“It’s just hard seeing Elliot around the frat house,” I said, which was at least partially true.
“The asshole. Well, you are always welcome to come stay at my house.”
“I like being on campus. I can handle it, and it’s only one more year. I was just… having a moment.”
“Why was Elliot being a prick?”
I sucked in a breath of air, looking over at the moonlight coming in through my window. “Because he found out I have a crush on someone new.”
“Oh,” Kane said simply.
He didn’t push. Didn’t pry.
But I still felt like my heart was teetering on a ledge, and all of this felt like toomuch.
“Well, that’s good. As long as the new guy has zero in common with Elliot’s sorry ass.”
I puffed out a laugh. “He’s nothing like Elliot.”
“Excellent.”
I felt like a weight was being lifted from me, piece by piece.
I was telling my brother the truth. Even if it wasn’t in great, shining detail.
“I’d say he’s better than Elliot in just about every conceivable way,” I said. “He’s older. Better looking. Doesn’t give me sudden urges to crawl into a cave and never look back.”
“Just make sure you’re still putting yourself first. Prioritizing what you need. I never want you to feel as isolated as you were over the past few years.”
“God, me either,” I said. “And… I’m trying to lethimprioritize himself, too.”
“Good.”
I sighed. “I was afraid you’d chew me out for having a crush at all.”
“No,” he mused. “Well, only if he treats you badly. Jesse, I know I’ve told you this before, but I never wantusto be how we were, either.”
I swallowed. “I fucking hated not being able to talk to you. Never again.”
“Damn right.”
I felt like my heart was spinning. “I don’t think anything serious is going to happen with this guy, but it just feels good. To have a guy actually want me, instead of using me.”
He does want me, right?
“Yeah,” I heard Kane yell at someone in the bar. “Two cases? Got it. I’ll be up in a sec. Jesse? Hey.”
“Hey. You can head back in now. But thank you for talking me down from the world’s stupidest little cliff.”