Page 130 of Bad Cowboy, Tennessee

I pulled in a lungful of air, glancing back toward Max on Jasper, the slow clop of his hooves never too far away.

Each intake of breath felt like a question: was it time to tell him the final things he needed to know about me, or not? Buteach time, I breathed out, not starting the conversation. Not feeling ready, and knowing I never would.

The bitter truth was that I knew Max would never have been afraid to tell me a goddamned thing.

The first night I met Max, I thought he was terrified of me, but I realized now that Max Burnett wasn’t afraid of fucking anything. Not like I was. Being in a plane made him nervous, and finding a stranger trying to break into his house definitely wasn’t his favorite thing.

But Max had the courage to say what he felt. He didn’t hide between the cracks of the world, the way I had for years. The way the whole goddamn Lyons family always had. Like it was a tradition.

Like it was written in our blood.

“Mind if I ride?” I called out to Max.

When I looked back he gave me a slightly confused look, but he nodded, his gaze looking so kind from under the brim of his hat.

My heart felt so full it threatened to burst.

I needed to ride. Just for a bit. Just to feel the air on my skin.

I got Veil into a canter, softened in my seat, and leaned a little forward, using my legs to signal her to gallop.

And soon, she took to the air like she was flying. She went on down the path, carrying me through the land, past the ridges of rock and shrub that I’d had memorized for years. As I rode, I paid attention to the sound of her gallop and her breath, and each time she pounded the dirt I felt it with more and more certainty.

It had to be now.

I had to tell him, now.

Everything was about to change, or it hadalreadychanged. I looked over the grey and green of my land, knowing one thing for sure: it truly didn’t feel like home, anymore.

Things were about to be vastly different than I’d ever known.

And I couldn’t go forward without knowing that Max knew who I was.

Whether he left, or stayed.

He had to know.

I pulled the reins and directed Veil to head down one of the back-looping paths that would take me back around to Max and Jasper. The sky was pure blue and only getting bluer, as the sun rose, but I knew how things could work, up here.

It was the calm before the storm.

That small, low strip of white-grey at the corner of the world could roll through and become a storm within hours, and I always had to know that. Always had to be ready.

I found Max and Jasper as Veil galloped back around, and I turned her, bringing her to a slow again.

Looking at Max’s eyes felt different now.

Those eyes that held so much.

Those eyes that might look at me differently very soon, but I had to face that possibility.

“You have to know me,” I told him. “I have more to tell you, Max.”

I guidedus back to the spot in the dirt where it had happened.

We’d put away Jasper and Veil, made sure they were fed and watered, and walked over to the place I still remembered, from that day.

We weren’t far off from the house.

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