Page 64 of Whiskey Lullaby
“What the hell’s a donkey show?” Trevor grabbed the beanbag and threw it at theboard.
“Don’t!” I shook my head. “Just don’t ask him. You don’t wannaknow.”
“What’d you need? Spray paint?” Old Manasked.
“Yeah.”
“There’s some over there in my shed. Go on. Helpyourself.”
Benji walked to the shed. When he opened the door, Marvin came hurdlingout.
“What’cha doin’ in there, Marvin?” Old Man chuckled. “Come on and I’ll get you your NattyLite.”
Trevor tossed another bean bag at the board, ringing the hole. “You can’t ever move away from here, that Old Man is golden.” He grinned. “Like the Hugh Hefner ofRockford.”
“Yeah.” I stared over at Old Man’s house. Half the siding hung off and the house was surrounded by shrubs with no leaves due to Marvin going on drunk goat binges. I thought: this cannot be my life forever. For the first time, I was actually, seriously motivated to get the fuck out of Rockford—and take Hannah withme.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. That same unknown number flashed on the screen when I pulled it out. “What the…” I lifted it to my ear. “Yeah?”
“Noah, this is Brice. Don’t hangup.”
“Look, man, this shit ain’t funny. I don’t know what you’re trying to get at, but just leave me alone.”Click.
Trevor threw the bag again. “What? Some dick trying to sell you a securitysystem?
“No, people just trying to beassholes.”
He shrugged, and Benji jumped back over the fence, Marvin chasing after him. He held up two cans of red spray paint before shaking them and walking over to one of the corn hole boards. A haze of red dust flew in the air. When he stepped back, he nodded and pointed at a large, swirly A. “Yep, roll motherfuckin’tide!”
By the timethe sun went down, Benji had passed out in a lawn chair and Trevor had invited Old Man over for a beer, saying he wanted to pick the bastard’s brain. I hoped that was the beer talking, not that I wouldn’t admire Trevor for finally gaining some ambition, but Old Man… comeon.
I pulled my phone from my pocket, grabbed a beer from the cooler, and sat down on the cinder block I used for a bottom step to the porch. Hannah hadn’t texted me. I knew they’d taken her mom to Birmingham to start a new treatment, but I sucked at shit like that. I typed out:Hey, you! Hope you had a good day…Delete. What kind of shit is that? Of course she didn’t have a good day. Resting my elbow on my knee, I held my head in my hand and stared at the screen before simply typing out:I’m here for you. Always. Rememberthat.
I lifted the beer to my lips and stared out at the thin line of red sky sinking below the hills in the distance. The cicadas were already kicking up, buzzing loudly in the tall pines. Old Man cackled at something. I was too consumed with my thoughts, worried about what I’d do when her mom passed, how I could help her. Because even though I’d never had someone I loved die, I’d lost the love of both my parents. Dead or alive, I knew the hardest part of losing someone was letting themgo.
28
Hannah
It’s okay, Momma.” I grabbed the washcloth from the side of the sink and pressed it over herforehead.
She shook her head before placing her elbow on the edge of the toilet seat and holding her head with her hand. Sweat dotted her forehead. Her eyes were bloodshot. “Why am I doing this?” Her voice was sohoarse.
I touched at the center of my chest before I sat on the edge of the tub and placed my hand on her back. My throat tightened and I somehow managed to swallow around the lump that seemed to be lodged there. What could I possibly say. That ten percent survival kept flashing through my mind. It seemed selfish—at that moment, with her leaned over the toilet, sicker than I’d ever seen her in my life, it seemed so endlessly pointless. Was this how she would spend the last bit of her life? Sick. Unable to enjoy a damn thing?Ten percent survival, Hannah. There’s ten percent she’ll make it.“Because you’re a fighter,” I whispered, choking back the tears. “And you’re mymomma.”
She grabbed my hand and squeezed. I fought back the strangled scream that threatened to leave mythroat.
“Thatiswhy I’m doing it, Hannah. I don’t want to leave you and Bo. Notyet…”
An hour later,Bo and Daddy had her situated in the bed. Daddy kissed her forehead and whispered: I love you, then me and Bo left the room. I grabbed his hand when the door closed behind us. “Hey,” I said. “Comehere.”
Sighing, he followed me down to my room and I closed the door. “What?” he said, leaning against the wall with crossedarms.
“I just…” My mind jumbled with thoughts. Dark circles sat below his eyes. He looked so wornout.
“Hannah, I’m not stupid. I know what the doctor said. I know this is nothing but a last-ditch effort.” He shrugged. “Nothing you’re gonna say to me will change that.” The muscles in his jaw clenched. Just like that, he shut me out. A small surge of anger welled in my chest. My nostrils flared. Part of me wanted to shout at him, shove him. I wanted a reaction, I wanted someone to act the way we all felt, but none of us would, so I swallowed my anger and grief back and shook myhead.
“There’s still hope,” I whispered. The tremor in my voice told us both that I didn’t believe my ownlie.
