Page 34 of Exrated
“Johnny Depth,” Jake says, laughing hysterically.
She smirks. “Good name.”
“Yeah, real creative one,” I say.
“Anyway, look, what I need to know is, what would you do if you started working on a porn set and found out your ex was one of the actors?”
She fights a laugh and directs her attention to me. “This is a joke, right?”
“No,” I say. “Wish it were.”
“Oh, God. I would die. I mean, how terrible would that be? And awkward and just, oh, my God.”
“Wait!” Jake says, fighting another fit of laughter. “It gets better. Let’s pretend a week before you found out he was a porn star; you’d had a random fuckfest with him?”
Her mouth drops. One of her thin brows arches and she tilts her head to the side. “Really? Tell me you aren’t that big of an inconsiderate asshole?”
I groan, and she smiles as she pushes back from the bar. “I’d fucking kill you.”
“Awesome,” Jake says.
“But…” she looks back at me and smiles, “you’re not my ex. So, Johnny Depth, what I’m about to go do is look up some of your work.” And then she walks off.
“Thanks, Jake. That was helpful.”
He holds his hands up before grabbing his shot glass. “Always here to help.”
A few minutes later, I glance to the side of the bar to find a group of girls gathered around that bartender. She has her phone in front of her face, and all the girls are smiling.
“Hahaha, no way, they’re watching you fuck right now.” Jake points. “You’re a fucking cock star.”
“Great.” I wipe my hand over my mouth and push back from the bar.
“Man, where are you going?”
“Home.”
“Dude…those girls, you could probably…”
His voice fades into the background noise as I shoulder my way through the cluttered bar. I fuck girls all day. I don’t care what I could do with any or all of the ones behind that bar. What I want to do right now is getheroff my mind.
The minute I set foot in my apartment, Heather hops up from the couch, runs to the kitchen, and comes back with a bottle of Rumplemints and two shot glasses.
“Sit!” She uses the frosted bottle to point at the couch.
I drop my purse and flop back on the cushion.
“Look, I’m sorry I laughed. But you gotta admit, that shit was so off the wall. I was just kinda shocked you know? Laughter is my defense mechanism when all else shuts down.” She’s already pouring the shots, spilling some of the liquor on the table. “And…” she picks up both glasses, handing one to me. “Drink.”
I slam the shot back. She nods, motioning with her finger for the glass. She snatches it and hands me the other shot glass.
“Heather, really?”
“Fucking drink it.”
I gulp it back, wincing against the minty burn.
She pours two more shots, taking one herself. “Now. What the actual fuck?” She paces in front of the couch. “The longer I’ve thought about it, I kinda want to kill him for not telling you.”
