Page 61 of Over You
Swallowing, I opened the bag and brushed my finger across the gritty chunk of coke.
One taste.
My mouth watered. White residue coated my skin like fingerprint powder. Blood pulsed through my body with such force my vision throbbed. Each breath sounded like wind howling through an empty corridor.
This was what destroyed me, and here I was with my foot on a rung of the high dive. . .
One hit.
I rubbed the powder between my fingers, closed my eyes, and squeezed the bag in my hand. Sweat dotted my lip with the knowledge that within ten-minutes time I could have that tingly feeling bleeding into my fingertips and toes.
My entire arm trembled, and I brought a clenched fist to my mouth, sinking my teeth into my knuckles on a garbled “fuck.”
One chance.
I climbed out of my car, engine still running, then chucked the bag of coke into Gage’s yard before peeling off in a panic. My hand trembled. I wiped it down the leg of my jeans, knowing I had almost lost it. I had almost fucking lost it.
I was still shaking when I pulled into the garage and cut the engine. My stomach sat in knots when I walked into the house.
Georgia was at the dining room table, working on a paper for one of her online summer classes. “Hey, babe.” She smiled like the loving, trusting wife she was, and guilt ate at me like acid. “How’d it go?”
“Fine.” My body language said anything but that. “The guys agreed we could go indie after the contract was up in the fall.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she slowly pushed away from the table. “You look pale.”
“I’m uh. . .” A lump lodged in my throat, and I tried unsuccessfully to clear it. “I just. . .”
Georgia followed me into the kitchen, leaned against the far wall, and crossed her arms over her chest. She watched me grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
“What?”
“Don’t lie to me.” I could see doubt swirling in her eyes. “Please. Spence, just don’t lie to me.”
I took a few gulps of water, then braced my hands against the granite. “I ran into Dante’. He needed a ride to Gage’s.” I caught Georgia’s jaw set. Her nostrils flared.
“I didn’t.” I closed the space between us. “Look at my pupils. I didn’t.” I caught her swallow, and I couldn’t take it. “But I almost did.”
Her gaze fell to the floor. I felt like the biggest failure in the world. I didn’t want her to think I sought it out or asked for it. “He tossed an eight-ball into the seat when he got out. I stared at it. I thought about it.” The craving hit again, and I told it to go to hell. “And the thing that scared me. Georgia, I wanted to do it. Even though I knew I shouldn’t.”
Humans are hardwired to avoid things that cause pain, but we’re also made to chase things that feel good. So what happens when something elicits both? It causes a war.
She cupped my jaw, bringing my gaze to hers. “I know you want to be sober.” She placed a soft kiss to my lips. “And I also know there is no quick fix for this.”
And there wasn’t. There was no quick fix. Some days I wouldn’t think about a high. Some days, it was all I thought about.
“Spence. I promise I won’t leave you.”
I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “And I promise I’llstillbe sober tomorrow.”
22
Georgia Anne
Three Years Later
Waves crashed in the distance, hidden by the night. Millions of stars dotted the sky. The crescent moon that hung above the water cast a silvery sheen across the tide as it rolled to shore. Flynn wriggled in my arms, his tiny hand grasping a tendril of hair as I crossed the flat spot on the roof. I smiled and brushed a gentle finger across his soft cheek.
“Do you like to listen to the ocean, little one?”
