Page 106 of No Saint
“She doesn’t want me.”
I had to laugh. “Wolf, there isn’t a single girl in Dayton or Pikestown who wouldn’t want you. And it’s even worse to have had you and lost you. Trust me.”
“She’s just going through some shit.”
Andhewas the person she called? “She doesn’t have any other friends?” I lifted a brow at him.
He really was so unaware of himself. Yes, every girl wanted him, but if any of them actually knew how kind and decent he was, it would be a hundred times worse. But Nora knew. It wasn’t Wolf’s looks that were hard to let go of; it was him.
“Girls don’t call an ex unless they still have feelings.” I hated that I sounded so jealous, but Nora was a sore subject.
Seconds passed where he held my gaze. “So, you want me to stop answering when she calls?” The hint of annoyance in his tone pissed me off.
“No.” I pushed to my feet, my heart pounding out an angry, fear-filled beat as I took my plate to the trash. I was mad, but more than that, I was scared he’d choose her. “I don’t want anything.”
“Don’t do this bullshit again. Be honest with me.”
I scraped the remnants of food off the plate, refusing to look at him when I went to the sink. All the while, my chest felt like it was in a clamp.
“Jade.”
“I hate her!” The plate hit the sink with a clatter, and I turned to face him. “It’s irrational and stupid, and no one’s fault but my own. But I hate her.” I felt both relieved and ashamed of myself for saying it. It wasn’t Nora specifically. I would have hated any girl who came after me.
Finally, I met his gaze, which gave away nothing. “When I found out you were dating her, so soon after we…” I drew in a deep breath. “After thinking you’d changed your number to avoid me… It killed me.” Dating, not fucking. I could have handled fucking. There was no emotion. No connection. No expectations for some kind of future… “That’s the reason I got blind drunk, and—” I stopped myself from talking.
His jaw ticced. “And what, Jade?”
I met his cold gaze. “And ended up with Brent.”
The sudden screech of his chair legs made me jump when he shoved up from the table. Wolf went to the back door, slamming it behind him.
So, I wasn’t allowed to not want Nora calling him, but the mere mention of Brent’s name was a no-go. I didn’t know if it was jealousy, so much as pain, on both our sides. We had both been hurt that the other had moved on.
I busied myself by cleaning up the kitchen and giving him time to stew—or time for me to build the courage to talk to him. I wondered if he was calling Nora back, but I nipped that line of thought in the bud. Whether I was insecure or being with Wolfmademe insecure, I didn’t really know. But I needed to fight it if were to stand a chance. I needed to believe that he wanted me and only me. He’d said as much. He’d given me no reason to doubt him.
I glanced down at Squishy, who had, once again, abandoned Wolf in favor of me. “I think I need to apologize,” I mumbled to him.
Wolf and I had always been too stubborn to back down, but look where that had gotten us. I didn’t know what to say to him, but maybe I didn’t have to… I went to the notebook he’d shoved aside before dinner, ripped out the back page, then took a seat at the table. Wolf and I didn’t really communicate in simple words, I’m sorrys, or even I love yous. Over the years, we’d found our own way to make each other feel important. My brain was like a library of quotes, conjured or read. Words that conveyed everything I felt without saying them directly.
I scribbled out the first thing that came to mind.
I think I’d miss you, even if we’d never met. It’s always been you. It will always be you.
Then I folded it meticulously, smiling as the shape of a rat appeared. Well, a fat, short rat.
I found a piece of thread in the junk drawer, made a small hole in the paper, and tied the little origami rat to Squishy’s collar. “Go find him,” I said, cracking the back door.
The little dog cocked his head, and I realized he wasn’t the most co-operative creature on a good day. I’d perhapsoverestimated his willingness in this plan. “Go find him, and he’ll give you a treat.”
I almost laughed at myself, but then he shimmied his little butt outside and trotted off. He was probably going to rip it off and piss on it.
I closed the door and went to the kitchen window, watching as Squishy hopped onto the chair beside Wolf. He leaned over, took the rat from the dog’s collar, and unfolded it.
Tense seconds ticked by before he pushed up from the lawn chair, patting his thigh for Squishy to follow as he turned toward the house. He hadn’t even closed the door before he cupped my cheek and pulled me in for a kiss that left me breathless. “Please, don’t ever mention his name again.” He rested his forehead on mine. “Please.”
Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who was irrational.
“And I’ll tell Nora not to call me anymore. Because if Brent was still calling you…” His fingers flinched against my cheek, as though fighting the urge to curl into a fist. “I’d feel like shit. And I don’t want to make you feel that way.” Another tender kiss. “You’re all that matters.”
