Page 116 of No Saint
In Dayton, and even Pikestown, no one did anything “just for the buzz,” unless it was cheap alcohol or drugs. But that was Cassie. “You could keep the money, or…” A devious grin lit up her face. “We could cash these in and buy more?”
“No.”
She folded her arms over her chest. “You’re no fun. Where’s your sense of adventure or risk?”
“Risks are for people without a negative in front of their bank balance. Or with nothing to lose…”
I always thought that was a weird concept because there was always more to lose. A level below nothing. Which was exactly where I felt at that moment. I’d lost the only thing that mattered.
The next morning, I stared into my coffee cup, stirring the black liquid for what must have been the hundredth time. A small splash landed on my sundress—the dress I had worn in an attempt to feel put together. That was a lie. It was in case I bumped into Wolf today. Because he was all I could thinkabout. When he’d made it pretty clear he didn’t want to spare me another thought.
He’d said he loved me one minute, that he couldn’t live without me, and would rather put a bullet in his head than lose me, only to tell me to get out of his life in the next. I hated that what once came so freely between us was now tainted and scarred, full of doubts, and tinged by old hurt.
My phone buzzed on the counter, pulling me from my thoughts. It was my mom. She never called this early, and the reason why she might be had my heart rate anxiously climbing.
“What’s wrong?” I asked as soon as I picked up.
“Oh, nothing, sweetie.” There were tears in her voice, though. “I called to tell you about a miracle. A charity sent us a check to get your dad’s tests done.”
I stood dumbfounded for a second. “What?”
“Isn’t it wonderful? There was a card saying the money was only to be spent on your dad’s tests and medical expenses. I can’t believe this. I knew if I just prayed enough?—”
“How much is it?”
“Six thousand dollars, honey!”
What the hell? That was…a lot. A ridiculous amount.
“Isn’t that amazing?”
Amazing was one word for it. Suspicious was another. No one justgaveaway six grand. Especially when I knew Dad would never apply for any grants or funding.
“Which charity was it?”
“Oh, hold on…” Papers rustled in the background. “The check is from… Save the Spheniscus demersus.” She struggled to pronounce it, then paused. “Is that a disease?”
“No. It’s a penguin.” Why would Wolf do this? Maybe he’d sent it before he kicked me out. But why hadn’t he said anything? I was shocked and confused, as well as grateful and relieved that my dad could finally get answers.
“A penguin? What?—”
“What’s the date on the check?”
“The eighteenth.” Three days ago, the day after he’d kicked me out. Why? It didn’t make any sense. Even if he’d sent it while we were together—and he’d obviously been doing something to get the money right under my nose—it would have been obscene, but after… The check was only for tests and medical expenses. Which meant there was only one explanation I could come up with: Wolf did it because he cared. About my dad. About me…
“Mum, I have to go.”
“Okay, honey?—”
I hung up before grabbing my keys. As hurt as I was, as rejected as I felt, Wolf still cared. I couldn’t just sit back and watch this play out again. See him move on with someone else, when he was always supposed to be mine. I wasn’t going to lose him, not without a fight this time. If he truly wanted me out of his life, then he should have been more of an asshole.
Thirty-Two
Wolf
It had only been three nights without Jade, but it felt more like a month. I still half-expected her to be in my bed when I woke up, her bare legs draped over me. Every time I checked my phone, a pussy-ass pain tightened my chest when her name wasn’t there. She was too easy to love, to need…to miss. And what made it worse was that I knew exactly how hard missing her was. I’d spent the past year and a half doing it. I knew I had overreacted by kicking her out. I’d almost texted her countless times, but the fact that she’d kept that penguin… It fucked with my head. Had me questioning things I shouldn’t. My mind still wasn’t right.
I’d skipped class that morning, too down to go, too worried I’d see her across campus and the heartbreak would really set in. So, what did I do instead? Rummage through that damn box of notes and rip up my heart. Maybe I thought if I hurt enough, it would ease some of the regret.
