Page 86 of No Saint
“It doesn’t mean anything. It’s an acknowledgement.”
“Well, when your friend tells you she kissed her ex-boyfriend, maybe they’d like more than?—”
“Are we considering the kiss good or bad?”
“Bad! He broke my heart, and he doesn’t actually want me.”
He definitely hadn’t wanted me in that hay barn.
“You’re the one who wanted the break. And if you think Wolf doesn’t want you, you haven’t paid attention, Jade.Hekissedyou,didn’t he? He’s just as in love with you as you are with him.”
“I hurt him.” And set into motion a chain of events that had left scars on us both. But I’d made the first cut.
“And you’ve hurt yourself plenty. Haven’t you had enough?”
This was why I’d never admitted my lingering feelings for Wolf. Because he was the hill I had chosen to die on for the past year and a half, and she’d witnessed said dying. In all its bloody glory. I was on the same damn campus as Wolf. I could have swallowed my pride and appeased my obliterated heart by going to him. But I’d been too scared of his rejection, of discovering that I really didn’t mean as much to him as he did to me. And his dating Nora had just confirmed that.
“Look, I think it’s written somewhere in the girl code—thou shalt always call your girlfriend’s ex an asshole. I supported your choice to take a break from him. You had a lot going on with your dad’s illness, and everything just got on top of you.”
Maybe if I’d leaned on Wolf, it would have gone differently, but I’d just needed a break, that was all.
“But honestly, I don’t think you two ever should have broken up.”
Annoyed at what felt like her disloyalty, I redirected my attention through the window, watching the strip mall of pawn shops and liquor stores whizz past.
“And I didn’t think you’d actually stay broken up.”
Neither did I. Guess that was the naïvety of young love. Me thinking that Wolf and I would always come back to each other. Brent had played his part, but the fact was, Wolf hadn’t foughtfor me. And I hadn’t fought for him. Both too hurt to just face each other.
“Yeah, well, he moved on with Nora, so he can’t have been that in love with me.”
“You don’t think you going away with Brent for the summer had anything to do with that?”
“We were friends!”
“He loved you, Jade. Really loved you.” She pulled into the middle lane to pass a truck. “Losing you broke him. Nora was?—”
“Fucking his tears away?”
“Men are idiots. They get over heartbreak by trying to fall in love again.” She fiddled with her air vent, as though there were a way to cool down her sweatbox car. “He never looked at her like he did you. He looked at her like…well, a faceless bit of meat? Only with a side of guilt, maybe?”
I didn’t want to think about how he’d looked at Nora. Even hearing her name had hurt feelings churning in my stomach. “Is there a point to this conversation?”
“Yeah, I want to know why, when Wolf clearly still loves you, and you clearly still love him, you’re riding in this damn car with me instead of off into the sunset.”
I squirmed at that question. It was never that black and white. “I told you?—”
“I swear to God, if you say he doesn’t want you again…” She shook her head. “That must be why he rejected all the ditzy blondes Hendrix invited over for him last night and left the party to see you. Why he got you out of that auction and drove you home yesterday.”
She didn’t even know about him helping me.
“But you’re right, he clearly doesn’t give a shit. Doesn’t want you. Definitely doesn’t love you.” She reached for the radio like she was done with my shit. “You two are the most frustratingpeople. Do yourselves a favor and open your damn eyes before you spend another year being butthurt and stupid.”
With that, she turned the music up. When she put it like that, it did all feel kind of stupid—and terrifying. All I could think of was the way I’d felt when he’d turned me down on Tuesday night in that barn. If I admitted I loved him, that I thought everything had been a mistake, and he rejected me…it would be one hundred times worse than that. But what if he didn’t? What if he felt the same?
Cassie was already at work for another double when Monroe dropped me off at the frat house. None of the guys were around while I did my stupid chores—how they’d made so much of a mess with just the three of them, in barely thirty-six hours, I could not fathom.
When I was done, I changed for work and caught the bus into town.
