Page 90 of No Saint
Halfway through the bottle, and after I’d replayed what felt like every damn minute of mine and Jade’s relationship, thunderrolled in the distance. Dog leaped from the chair and took off for the house right before fat drops of warm rain splattered my arm. I shoved up from the chair, staggering a little on my way to the back porch.
As soon as the door closed behind me, I went up to my room, dropped to the floor beside my bed, and yanked out the Adidas box, allowing the masochist within me to fully take hold.
I opened the box, took a swig, then pulled out one of the origami notes.
I unfolded a flower, the creases well-worn from the number of times I’d opened it, only to refold it in its intricate pattern again—something too delicate and creative for my clumsy fingers. Each different shape had taken me ages to learn. I had done it, I thought, in some desperate bid to keep her preserved.
I read over her words, scratched out when she was only seventeen.
Today I will take one step forward, however small. But only because you hold my hand.
It was the first affirmation she had ever given me, after I’d given her several written in basic notes. Trying to help her through hard times, the same way my mom had tried to get through hers. When she’d given me the flower, I’d checked outBeginners to Origamifrom the Dayton Public Library and taught myself the basics. I didn’t realize it then, but I did it because I had already fallen for her and would have done any damn thing to make that girl happy.
I tossed the flower to the floor, then grabbed a butterfly, and unfolded the paper, eating up the sight of her handwriting like it was a lifeline.
Our love is stronger than any disagreement.
She’d given me that one in class after our first argument.
Next, I went for a bird.
Thank you. For loving me when I couldn’t love myself.
Then, a newer one she’d given me only two months before she asked for a break.
Whatever our souls are made of, I think yours and mine are the same.
That one cut deep. Thunder rattled the windows as that shrapnel twisted deeper and deeper, and I chugged a little more whiskey. Then I read through every damn note in the box. With each one, the whiskey convinced me they had all been lies. My heart, though? That bastard wasn’t convinced.
Twenty-Three
Jade
Cassie dropped me off outside the frat house just as lightning streaked the night sky. I sprinted through the rain across the front yard. Apparently, the guys were all out at some bar quiz tonight. Cassie was going to meet them, so I’d thankfully have the house to myself. God knew I needed the time alone to think about what I was going to say to Wolf. I knew what Ineededto say, but I wanted to cry for the hope I had already begun to feel, the dream I now needed to snuff out for my own sake. In the absence of hope, all we had was desolation, and it weighed hard on me.
The front door creaked open to the dark entranceway. Squishy’s welcoming screech filled the house before it had even clicked shut. Claws skittered over wood, then he darted around the corner, curled tail wagging. I’d had no idea how much I needed to feel the little dog’s love until that moment.
I dropped to a crouch and petted his wiggly body while he tried to climb into my lap. “Hey, you?—”
“Fucking traitor.”
I stilled at the deep rumble of Wolf’s voice that I hadn’t expected to drift from the living room. Tension gripped my body,my pulse ticking up as I peered into the darkness. There was just enough light streaming in past the curtains to make out Wolf on the couch, a half-empty bottle clutched in his hand.
The image of Nora and him sitting together filled my mind again, so close, so intimate, so over me. I didn’t know he’d been with Nora when I let him kiss me an hour later, but I wasn’t sure I’d have stopped him if I had. I wasn’t sure I’d ever stop him because I craved the brush of his lips on mine like a junkie craves a hit. I couldn’t keep doing this with him. For my own sanity, I needed to draw a line.
Steeling myself, I walked into the room and turned on the lamp. Warm light spilled over Wolf’s slumped form, and he squinted. His dark hair looked like he’d been dragging his hands through it all evening, and circles shadowed his eyes. Maybe he felt as emotionally fucked and confused as I did. Maybe I was about to do us both a favor.
“I think we should just be friends,” I blurted.
His gaze lifted to mine before he brought the bottle to his lips and tipped it up on a slosh. “Maybe if we were friends, you would have told me when your dad got sick and lost his job. Couldn’t tell your boyfriend, but sure as shit could to your best friend, Sack-of-Shit Brent.”
That wasn’t the response I had been expecting, and it caught me off guard that he knew.
“Oh, are you upset that your dick of an ex-boyfriend broke your trust and finally told me?”
Since when were Wolf and Brent having casual chats? Had Brent sought him out just to rub salt in the wound? As if he hadn’t done enough damage.
“You were busy. I didn’t want to bother you with my shit.”
