Page 93 of No Saint
Birds. Squawking birds woke me and my hangover the next morning.
“Jesus Christ, shut up!” I shouted before rolling over and burying my face in the pillow.
The mattress shifted. “Sorry.” Then the shrill, annoying-ass sound cut off.
I peeked up from the pillow to find Jade propped on one arm, leaning over the nightstand. Dark, messy hair fell over her bare shoulder, and my gaze tracked her bare skin all the way down her spine to where those dimples just above her ass peeked out of the sheets.
My dick went hard, and then the entirety of last night flipped through my head like a tattered movie reel. I’d fucked her not once, but twice, and a few minutes in—Goddamn, I’d blurted out that I loved her. I forced my gaze away from her body to the ceiling while cursing myself. Hendrix may have been right.Whippah, Wolf.
Of course, I’d meant it. I’d spent the past two years fantasizing about being with her again, but Hendrix hadn’t been wrong when he said she’d ruined me. And there I had been, lastnight, drunk as shit and baring myself to my fucking Medusa. But she’d bared herself right back, hadn’t she? So, was she really my Medusa? The confusing thoughts had me groaning and rolling my face into the pillow again.
“Hangover or regret?” she murmured.
“Regret for the hangover,” I said into the pillow. Regret for making myself look like a damn dick…I turned my head on the pillow, even though my headache made a massive protest to the swift movement.
Jade leaned against the headboard with the sheet clutched to her chest. That wasn’t a good sign. She swung one leg out of the sheets. “I’m just going to?—”
“Hang on.” I grabbed her wrist and held her in place. Any other girl, I would have been saying good riddance to the morning after, but Jade was not any other girl. “Where are you going?”
She didn’t answer, just kept her attention directed at the floor.
“Jade, what’s going on?”
“You were pretty drunk last night…”
“Like I wouldn’t have had sex with you sober.”
“You didn’t want to in that hay barn.” God, she sounded hurt, but the thought of giving myself to her again had scared the absolute shit out of me.
My reasoning was a lot to unload, a lot I wasn’t sure I wasreadyto unload. “It’s complicated with us, Jade. You know that.”
“I know. That’s why I said we should be friends. Before…” She waved a hand between us.
Was that really all she wanted? Friends? The thought fucking hurt. One thing I’d learned in these past couple of weeks: I couldn’t just be friends with Jade. There was too much history. Too much connection. Too much of everything I wanted thatdidn’t fall into the guidelines of friendship. Us pretending we could be friends was no different than saying death was avoidable. It was either us together or nothing at all. There was no in between.
“That’s what you want? For us to be friends? Because last night, I’m pretty sure you said breaking up with me had been a mistake.”
Her attention still hadn’t shifted to me. It was on the loose thread she was wrapping around her finger. “I don’t know if I could be your friend, but I’d try.”
Try and fail… I hated to admit it, but the turmoil on her face gave me hope. Hope that she’d been experiencing the same internal shitshow of emotions that I had. That she wanted things to go back to how they were but was scared.
Her gaze finally met mine. “If having you as a friend is the only way I can have you, then I’d try.”
“Jade…” I cupped her face, forcing her to hold my gaze. “You tell me how I’m supposed to be nothing more than friends with the only woman I’ve ever wanted.”
“I can’t….” She squeezed her eyes shut on a heavy breath. “Because I don’t know how to, either.”
“Then what are we doing?”
“I don’t know. Trying not to get hurt?”
I searched her eyes, looking for answers she still hadn’t given me. Answers I needed. “Tell me why you really wanted that break, Jade. The truth.”
“The truth…” She chewed at her lip, tears watering her eyes. “I was overwhelmed. I didn’t want to tell you about my dad and drag you down with me.”
I must have had one helluva confused look on my face, because she let out an uneasy huff, like she’d hoped her statement would have explained it all.
“I know you would have tried to help me. The same way you are now. Stealing stuff or dealing.”
