Page 54 of Ride the Wave

He holds out his hand.

I stare at it. ‘What?’

‘Take my hand,’ he says gently.

‘Why?’

‘I’m going to lead you into the water.’

‘You won’t pull me in,’ I say, folding my arms across my chest and tucking my hands away, the panic rising up my throat once again. ‘Or throw me in there.’

He shakes his head. ‘We’ll go in together, we’ll focus on our breathing, and we’ll just put one foot in front of the other. The water is calm today; it’s a good place to start. Hey, London, look at me.’

My breathing has quickened, and he’s ducked his head to come down to my level. I force myself to bring my eyes up to his.

‘I won’t let you go unless you ask me to,’ he tells me.

I swallow. ‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’

I slide my hand into his, instantly finding comfort in his warm grasp. His hand is much bigger and stronger than mine, gripping it tightly, promising security and safety. He’s over-emphasising his breathing for my benefit, encouraging me to copy his deep breath in and long breath out. As I fall into the same rhythm, he gives me a small nod and edges forward with one foot. I do the same, slowly and carefully moving towards the water.

When the cold water first laps over the skin of my foot, my breath catches.

Leo can sense my hesitation and his hand squeezes mine, reminding me that he’s right here with me. Focusing on him and keeping my breathing as steady as possible, I let him lead me further into the water, feeling the water swirl around my ankles and slowly edge up my legs with every step forward.

As we get deeper, the resistance of the water grows, slowing us down, and it’s harder for me to keep calm as the break of the wave hits against my thighs. But I’ve come this far. That in itself drives me onwards, looking back to see how far I’ve come.

I don’t even realise I’m smiling until I hear his chuckle carry in the light breeze.

‘Feels good doesn’t it?’ he says. ‘Realising what you’re capable of.’

I nod, unable to express what I’m feeling right now: relief, elation and fear all at once.

‘You want to try having a little swim?’ he asks lightly.

‘That would mean letting go of your hand,’ I point out nervously.

‘Yes,’ he says, ‘but I’ll stay within reach.’

‘Promise?’

‘Promise. And I won’t let go until you ask me to.’

It takes a good few moments for me to build up the courage to give him the go-ahead and free my hand from his. He keeps his hovering near mine until I’ve fully pulled away and then waits patiently for me to lower myself into the sea. I wasn’t lying when I told him that I used to be a strong swimmer; I was good at it and I loved it too, that feeling of weightlessness as you move through water, the way it stretches out your body and works your muscles. I don’t expect to simply plonk myself into the sea and return to the confident swimmer I once was, but my body hasn’t forgotten.

The instinct kicks in, I want to swim to keep warm in the chill of the water as it soaks my wetsuit despite the fear running through my veins and how a small, panicked voice in my head is crying out in protest, begging me to put my feet back on solid ground. But Leo is there, right beside me, talking to me the whole time, reminding me I’m not alone.

‘Bet this beats the lidos you’ve got back home, London,’ he’s saying, floating along nearby. ‘How are you feeling? You good?’

‘Yeah,’ I say, my blood pumping through my body as I swim back towards shore, before I stand up in waist-height water, clutching my heart, unable to believe it.

He’s there at my side as I stand.

A grin breaks across my face, my breathing heavy as I try to wrap my head around what I’ve done. I reach out to take his hands in mine, still not entirely confident. ‘Leo… I can’t believe it. I can’t… Thank you. Thank you for today.’

‘The lesson doesn’t need to finish yet if you don’t want it to,’ he says, his eyes twinkling, keeping one hand clasping mine as he slowly leads me ashore. ‘You know what feels even better than swimming?’ He points at my surfboard, waiting for me on the sand. ‘What do you think?’ he asks.

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