Page 61 of Ride the Wave

‘Failing is important in surfing. You’re learning to feel the movement of the sea whilst also commanding a board, which is awkward and heavy. No wave is the same; you can’t memorise bullet points on popping up and expect to do it,’ he smiles to himself, ‘but with time and commitment, itwillhappen.’

I nod, too nervous to speak. My stomach is twisting itself into knots as I look out at the waves, however gentle, and I’m doing everything I can to focus on the confidence I discovered yesterday in the water. I focus on slowing my breathing, trying my best to control the fear and panic threatening to stop me in my tracks.

‘Remember, London,’ he says, turning to face me, his voice low and steady. ‘I’m not going to let anything happen to you. You’re not alone, I’m right here next to you. We’re not going too far out and when you fall off that board, I’ll be there.Everytime.’

It turns out, he really is a man of his word.

At first, I really do struggle. Beginner boards are so long and heavy, it takes me a while to feel in control of it. Then when I do feel like I’m getting the positioning better and paddling well, I have to feel confident with my balance and the swell of the wave to take the chance to stand.

The first time I roll under the water, I feel sick with panic but as I come up for air, there’s Leo finding his way to me, reaching for my hands and pulling me towards him so I can rest my arms on his as he takes my weight.

‘That was brilliant!’ he exclaims as I wipe the salt water from my eyes. ‘I swear to God, London, you almost had it. You okay?’

I nod, my breathing heavy and laboured.

‘Hey,’ he says through a gentle smile, forcing me to look at him as my hands remain gripped to his strong arms, ‘you’re all right. You’re all right, London. You’re good.’

He’s right. I am good. I’d gone underwater, but I’d come back up. He was there alongside me to help pull me up, just like he said. I can trust him. I’m starting to understand I can trust myself too. Something has lit up inside me, a rush that I can’t ignore.

I know that I don’t have to be here doing this. I can give up if I want to.

‘You need a moment?’ he asks, his eyes searching mine.

‘No,’ I say determinedly. ‘I want to stand up today.’

He smiles as though something has just been confirmed for him. ‘Let’s go then,’ he says, and we begin the whole process again.

It takes a few more falls to get there, but then, by some miracle, it happens.

I manage to stand up on the board as it moves with the wave. My legs are shaking, my heart frenziedly racing; I feel the chilled wind on my face, and I can hear Leo’s cheering just before the board slips out of my control and I fall backwards into the water, the roar of the ocean slamming against my ears. It isn’t until I come up and gulp in the cold, salty air that it dawns on me just how exhilarating that moment was.

I did it. I surfed! Me. Iris Gray. A woman who thought I’d never set foot in the sea again. To anyone else, it’s a person wobbling up onto their feet on a surfboard, not very elegantly or brilliantly. But to me, it’s extraordinary.

Such a small achievement that makes me feel like I’m the most powerful person on the planet, like I can do anything.

I have to do it again. And again.

I fallmanymore times. I stand three more times. Each time better and more confident than the last. And then in the last few minutes of the lesson, I paddle out with Leo and we sit in the water, straddling our surfboards, looking out at the vast ocean stretching out before us. It feels like we’re the only people in the world.

‘I’ve never felt like this,’ I tell him quietly after a few moments of silence.

‘It’s not bad, is it,’ he replies, bobbing next to me.

I turn to look at him, barely able to feel my feet, they’re so cold in the water so long, but I don’t care. ‘I understand now. How you couldn’t stay away from it when you came to live here. It makes more sense to me.’

He doesn’t say anything, but he smiles, gazing out ahead of him.

‘This is why I love my job,’ I continue, the adrenaline pumping through my veins making it hard to stop saying exactly how I feel. ‘The thing about athletes is that they often get defined by what they achieve. How many titles or trophies or medals. But when I do big profile pieces, I get the chance to see what it takes to get there: the passion, the hours, the commitment, the sacrifices, the drive.’

I turn to grin at him and find him already watching me.

‘What does it matter what you win if you get to feel like this on the way?’ I gush, wiping away the droplets of water on my forehead trailing from my hair. ‘This is what sport is about. It’s a way of life. And I see that now for you with surfing. The sheer love of it.’

He smiles at my enthusiasm, but I don’t care if I’m embarrassing myself.

I mean every word.

‘It’s so peaceful out here,’ I say, twirling my pruned fingers in swirls through the water. ‘Being out here on the water puts things in perspective. How amazing to get to do this every day. It must be… I don’t know… it must become…’

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