Page 66 of Ride the Wave

Leo and I fall into comfortable silence when she leaves, both of us concentrating on the task at hand: he’s busy wiping the blood from my foot and I’m taking the opportunity to admire him openly without any judgement from another party.

‘Okay, that will have to do for now,’ he says eventually, looking up at me. ‘How does it feel? Are you in a lot of pain?’ He cranes his neck to see where Marina is. ‘Once we have some water, you can take some painkillers, then you should get to a doctor.’

‘Leo, I’m fine.’

He stands up. ‘I think Marina may have been distracted; I’ll go get some.’

‘No, don’t go yet,’ I say a bit too abruptly, my hand reaching out even though he’s too far away for me to grab and hold onto.

I drop my hand, my cheeks flushing.

What the fuck am I doing? Why am I acting as though I’m a little kid who has hurt herself and needs someone to look after me? I don’t need anyone. I’m mortified.

Leo stares at me, a little stunned by the feeling in my voice. I’m not surprised.

‘All right,’ he says eventually, sliding his chair up so he’s nearer to me rather than my elevated foot.

‘I just wanted to… thank you for speaking to me today,’ I say hurriedly, lifting my chin and doing my best to act like a grown-up again. ‘I know that can’t have been easy, revisiting the past, especially when you went through such a traumatic event and I don’t want you to think I’m not… grateful. That’s the wrong word, I think. Hang on, let me think of a better one.’

He smirks. ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to thank me. I wanted to talk about it. I’ve been thinking about it and if telling my story helps one person out there to feel less alone, then it’s worth it. I’ve been carrying around the shame of it a long time.’

‘There’s no shame in losing your way.’

‘There’s shame in treating your friends and family badly,’ he counters. ‘I never apologised to them: the mates I grew up with in Victoria. That’s haunted me ever since I left.’ He hesitates, his dark eyes softening. ‘I know they think the worst of me.’

‘I’m sure that’s not true. Even if it is, they’ll read this article and understand what happened,’ I assure him gently. ‘And you can always apologise to them in person when you’re in Australia.’

He grimaces. ‘Saying sorry has never come easily for me.’

‘I can relate,’ I say, laughing. ‘But it does feel better when you do. And anyway, they’ll forgive you. Come on, you were young. You were mini grooms.’

He laughs and corrects me, ‘Groms. We were on surfboards, not in stables.’

‘Right. Mini groms. We’re all idiots when we’re young. Look at me and the incident in Cornwall. I have no one to blame for that but myself.’ I pause, watching him thoughtfully. ‘What about your mum?’

He stiffens. ‘What about her?’

‘Have you ever spoken to her properly about what happened and how you felt at the time? I get the feeling that you’re not… close. And you were obviously upset about how she went about organising this article. But tell me to shut up if I’ve got that wrong.’

‘I’m not sure I’d ever get away with telling you to shut up, London.’

‘True. Do so at your peril.’

He gives a small smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

‘Is this off the record?’ he checks.

‘If you want it to be.’

He exhales. ‘I was surprised that she was so interested in me taking part in Bells Beach again. I didn’t realise it would be on her radar. But, yeah, maybe her pitching this article is a step in the right direction.’

‘Sounds like she’s proud of how far you’ve come.’

His eyes fall to the ground, as though he can’t let himself believe it. I watch him retreat into himself again; beneath that strong, muscled chest is a heart that’s as brittle and delicate as anyone else’s. I think it’s been broken and taped back together long before now, the heart of a boy who somewhere along the way accepted that he would never be enough to earn the approval he clearly craved.

How I wish I could reach out and hold him.

Clearing his throat, he lifts his head to smile apologetically at me, blinking away any hint of vulnerability. ‘Look, I don’t want to talk about… that. How areyoufeeling?’

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