Page 12 of Date with Destiny

They exchange a look and Toni offers up a spoon.

I shake my head. ‘Honestly, it’s really thoughtful of you both, but I don’t want it.’ I shrug. ‘I’m sorry, I hate not to lean into a cliché but I’m doing OK. I slept fine, I don’t want ice cream. I’m not wailing into a pillow or screaming into Daniel’s voicemail begging him to come back.’ I don’t mention the forty-odd voice-notes I have left for him; some of them admittedly a bit wail-y.

They glance at one another again and I try not to get cross.

‘OK, you’re fine.’ Myfanwy rolls her eyes to let me know she’s not buying it. ‘But I’m missing my Reiki session this morning for you, so can we at least come in?’

I stand aside and Myfanwy barges past. For her part, Toni looks a little more cautious as she enters, squeezing my arm gingerly as she passes.

As we sit down in the living room, I try not to make eye contact with the many photos around the room. I don’t want these two to catch me looking at all these happy memories and think I’m sad or mooning over Daniel. Because why would I be?

‘Tea? Coffee? 9am wine?’ I offer and then feel annoyed with myself. They might think I’m serious and it’s a cry for help.

‘Tea please,’ Toni chirrups and then jumps up. ‘I’ll make it, you stay sitting, you need looking after!’

‘I’m not sad!’ I say, unable to disguise my exasperation. ‘I can make tea! I was going to get out for a run in a bit, that’s the only reason I’m in my gym clothes.’

Toni freezes, halfway to the kettle, unsure what to do. Myfanwy gives her the nod. ‘Ignore her, make the tea,’ she instructs. ‘I’ll have one, too.’

There is a moment of silence between us, as the kettle hisses into life. Toni is the first to speak.

‘You really don’t want to talk about it?’

I shake my head with determination.

‘Don’t you think maybe you should?’ she asks nicely. ‘Like,oh my god, if Shawn dumped me or my fiancé had just left me before our wedding, I’d…’

‘I’m fine!’ I say again, trying to keep a lid on my emotions. I know they’re just trying to be nice, but they don’t understand what’s happened. They think it’s bigger and more horrible than it actually is.

‘You know, being single could be fun!’ Toni tries again. ‘Mum will probably give you a hard time about meeting someone else right away, but being single seems great. You can do what you like, when you like. You can eat whatever you like and stretch out across the bed. You don’t have to get someone else’s sweat on you or share your dinner. You could travel or move somewhere exciting! You should have some fun.’

This hits me hard, like I’ve been slapped. ‘I’m not single!’ I can’t keep the anger out of my tone. ‘Why would you say something like that? I don’t care if being single is fun or not, it’s not, like, applicable to my situation.’

Toni reddens. ‘Sorry,’ she whispers and I immediately feel awful. I swallow.

‘Sorry,’ I say back, my chest still tight and suffocating from her words.

Toni smiles shyly, then her face falls as something occurs to her. ‘Does Mum know yet?’

I shake my head, swallowing.

Myfanwy leans forward, placing a hand over mine. ‘I’ll tell her, and you’re not to listen to her histrionics about it. This is aboutyou.’

I’m unsure what to say. I want to say again that there’s no reason to be comforting me like this. But I also really, really,reallywant her to deal with Celeste and the wedding stuff for me.

‘Sonali wanted to come,’ Myfanwy continues nicely. ‘But I told her it would be too much.’ She pauses before adding accusatorily, ‘I thought you’d be really gutted and wouldn’t want to see everyone. Maybe I should’ve made Sonali and Emily both come; we could’ve had a denial party.’

I sigh, imagining all four of them shouting about Daniel all at once in my small living room. I’m glad they didn’t. I love them dearly, but Toni and Myfanwy looking at me with these sad eyes is bad enough. Actually, I note, Myfe is glaring at me.

‘And don’t think we haven’t all noticed that you’ve muted us,’ she says sternly.

I dip my head, feeling bad. But our WhatsApp group, Uni Dicks, is non-stop and intrusive enough on a good day, never mind when I’m going through something. It’s exhausting having loving, caring friends.

I take a sip of the weak tea Toni’s given me. I know they’re just trying to help but I really want them to leave.

‘You know what this is, don’t you?’ Myfanwy says suddenly.

‘A small break so we can both think?’ I offer and she tuts.

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