Page 17 of Date with Destiny

I consider this. In theory I don’t want to have a bit part in my own life. I don’t want to be the side character in a relationship. But on the other hand, it sounds safer; easier in a lotof ways. Who’s got the energy to be the Sandra Bullock of their own life? I think I’d rather be Sandra Bullock’s friend.

I actually wouldloveto be Sandra Bullock’s friend; she seems like the best.

‘And you know being single issuperfun,’ Diane continues, wiggling her eyebrows at me. My brain responds by replaying her Cher impression, thewhoaaaaechoing around my head.

‘That’s what Toni said,’ I tell her vaguely, noting the familiar streets whizzing past. We’re nearly back at my flat. My home. The home I have to give up.

‘Well,’ Diane takes a deep breath. ‘Toni wouldn’t know, but I wish she would find out.’ We look at each other pointedly, silently acknowledging our mutual unhappiness with Shawn.

‘But really,’ she says, ‘being single is not just fun and exciting, it’s also your chance to figure things out. To get to know yourself and like yourself. It’ll give you a chance to work out what you want and what you need – and whether those two things are compatible.’

‘Daniel is what I want and need,’ I mutter in a low voice, staring down at the seatbelt pulled tight across my chest.

‘OK,’ Diane says amiably, before adding, ‘but maybe that’s not the only thing you want and need. Maybe this is your chance to think about your world and explore what makes you happy. Maybe there’s more to life than marrying Daniel.’

‘I know there is.’ I feel defensive now, hearing the low-grade sarcasm in her voice. ‘I’m not one of those women who think getting married is my entire reason for being.’

‘You mean like Celeste?’ Diane sighs. ‘Look, I know you’ve got a sensible head on your shoulders, but you’re not immune to what society – and your mum – tells you. I know that you settling down with someone means a lot to her and to nosy strangers. Believe me, I know!’ she says pointedly, eyebrows practically in her hairline. ‘As someone who has never married and is well past her societal sell-by date, I am well aware how difficult it is to resist all that and figure out what works foryou. Sometimes the universe forces our hand in these things.’

‘Now you sound like Myfanwy!’ I complain. ‘She won’t leave me alone about these bloody six predictions. She’s practically crowing about how Daniel dumping me is the first one coming true. And now I’m going to have to move out of my flat in a few weeks, she thinks it’s the independence loss.’

‘Maybe it is?’ Diane shrugs. ‘Have you considered maybe all the predictions, all the losses, are about this one thing?’

I glance at her, confused, then back at the car in front. ‘What do you mean?’

She takes a moment, flicking her windscreen wash on. The road ahead of us briefly becomes blurry with water.

‘I mean, maybe a heartbreak, an independence, a death – maybe it was all meant to be about this break-up with Daniel.’

‘Adeath?’ I ask, incredulous.

Beside me, Diane shrugs. ‘Well, it is like a death, isn’t it? You had someone in your life – intensely in your life! – and now they’re gone. You’re not even speaking, are you? He’s completely gone, you’ve lost him. It’s like he died.’

I keep my eyes tight on the road.

He’s really gone.

‘Have you thought about maybe trying to find her?’ Diane glances over, her indicator ticking. ‘Y’know, the fortune teller? The woman who lumbered you with this pre-ordained future? Might be worth trying. She could have answers. Even her having no answers might be a kind of answer for you.’

Her question takes me by surprise because the truth is I hadn’t. It’s never occurred to me. The fortune teller has been this ghostly supernatural figure from my past; in my mind she’s barely a real person anymore.

I could find her. I have no idea how, but I could try? She might have information or questions or even more predictions. But what if I did find her? What if she was an obvious charlatan? Would that make me feel better or worse? And what if I found her and she was the real deal?

We pull up outside my flat.

‘Want me to come in?’ Diane offers, her voice soft and kind.

I shake my head. I’m so tired, so drained. I feel wrecked by the weight of everything that’s happened – tonight and in the last month – and I need to think about everything she’s said.

‘I’m just going to head straight to bed,’ I say, reaching for a hug. ‘Thanks though, Diane, you’re the best. And sorry for ruining your evening.’

‘You haven’t,’ she replies into my hair. ‘You tore me away from enjoying my post-takeaway heartburn in frontof an episode ofLove Is Blind.’ She rubs her chest, her face screwed up.

I say goodnight and head inside, thinking about the searing, horrible, feeling inmychest, and if it’s here to stay.

CHAPTER EIGHT

‘Whatcha doing?’ Toni bounces with too much exuberance into my shoulder and I wince slightly, dragging my eyes away from the screen, where I’ve been perving over the same old Instagram profile.

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