Page 30 of Date with Destiny

‘You havenot!’ says Naughty Schoolboy Number One again. ‘Because we’ve been together for a year and a half!’

There are audible gasps around the church as people take this in.

My mouth gapes at Toni in shock. Diane was cheating? She had two boyfriends? This is awful.

‘BULLSHIT!’ pronounces a new entry from Naughty Schoolboy Number Four who has stepped into the fray. ‘Shewas with me for almost five years, there’s no way she was dating either of you at the same time.’

‘I’ve been with her for eleven months,’ Naughty Schoolboy Number Three laments and they all start arguing again.

Jesus! Is this… this can’t be true? Surely this isn’t right? My lovely, sweet, fun, kind Aunt Diane had FOUR boyfriends?

Celeste looks taken aback, cutting off the bickering once again.

‘You’re saying that all of you were her boyfriends?’ They collectively nod. ‘And that none of you knew about the other?’

At this, they all look down at the floor.

‘Do you have something to say?’ Celeste prompts and Naughty Schoolboy Number One looks sulkier than before, if it were possible.

‘I mean… she did say to me that it had to be an open relationship and that she was never going to be monogamous, but I didn’t really take any notice!’

The three others slowly nod. ‘She told me she was with other people, too,’ admits Naughty Schoolboy Number Four, still sad.

‘I guess she did say we could only see each other on Sundays because she had other boyfriends,’ Naughty Schoolboy Number Two shrugs.

Celeste fixes them all with her steeliest of looks, the one she reserves for the most deluded of contestants onEngage!

‘So what you’re all saying,’ she says slowly, ‘is that Dianewas actually very honest with each and every one of you. But your sad little egos couldn’t believe it?’

They glance sulkily at each other. One turns his chin up more defiantly than the others. ‘I thought she loved me.’

‘I’m sure she did.’ Celeste’s tone is a little kinder now. ‘People love in different ways. And it sounds like she was completely, 100 per cent honest with you. And isn’t that all we can ask of our loved ones? I’m sorry you’ve all been so wounded by this, but you should really have believed her when she told you who she was. She told you her truth and you decided to ignore it. We can’t get angry with her now, can we?’ She glances around at the crowd, a few of whom nod back at her, dazzled by her presence. Celeste turns back to the still-sulky Naughty Schoolboys. ‘Now, do you understand we’re at afuneral?’ They nod at last and she adds, ‘Do you want to stay and shut up, or fuck off?’

The congregation –congregation?Flock? Churchgoers?– take their seats, excitable whispers echoing around the room, and the battered priest slowly returns to his pulpit. Toni, Shawn, Sonali, Myfanwy, Celeste and I all file back into the front pew in shocked silence.

Wow wow wow. I can’t believe it! My Aunt Diane was a polygamist! Or is that only the right term if she’d married them all? I know for a fact she would never have done that; she always said she didn’t like the idea of marriage. Too many outdated traditions around the whole thing. I always assumed that meant she was single. I glance at the four glowering sulky guys, standing around looking increasinglyembarrassed by their behaviour. They’re all quite handsome and much younger than my aunt; she was clearly having a wonderful time with her singledom.

Maybe I should be more like Diane.

Not necessarily the multiple men thing because that seems like it would be too exhausting. Even dating one person is tiring; imagine having the headspace and extroversion to handle four! But I could be inspired by her enthusiasm for life. I could be like her. I could be open to more experiences. I glance over at Zach, who is smiling to himself as he moves back to position. He’ssohandsome. What if I could have a fun, no strings attached fling? Maybe it would actually help me get over Daniel. And I’m sure there was something there between us that first time we met. I could also try that stuff Myfanwy keeps going on about – the birth charts, the Reiki, that neck-salami thing she mentioned before. Perhaps I could even get into ghost hunting! Buy a Ouija board and belatedly ask Diane what the hell happened to my life and what I did to deserve any of it.

But maybe she’d be annoyed I’m making her death about me?

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

‘How do you decide what sandwiches people want after watching a body burn?’ Myfanwy asks bluntly as we hover over the buffet.

‘We actually couldn’t figure that out,’ I admit, smiling wanly. ‘I kept asking Toni what we should make, and Toni kept asking me back. Celeste was still too out of it to make a choice, so we just ended up ordering some platters from the supermarket.’

‘Hmm.’ Myfanwy picks a triangle up. ‘Apparently M&S think mourners want prawn mayonnaise.’

A voice behind us makes us both turn. ‘Did you see there was a vending machine in the crematorium?’ It’s Zach, eyebrows raised. ‘For people who crave a KitKat in the waiting room.’

I sigh. ‘I wish we’d bought some KitKats,’ I admit, glancing back at the half-hearted trays of grey food we’ve provided for the wake.

After the funeral, we invited everyone to a nearby pub,where we have an area reserved for eating lame sandwiches and consuming hot drinks. But no one is drinking the tea and coffee, and have instead hit the bar really quite hard.

‘I’m Myfanwy.’ My friend extends a hand for Zach to shake, and I turn my attention to introductions.

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