Page 64 of Date with Destiny

Were we really happy?

I watch the two of us from high up on the ceiling. We look so odd together from up here. Daniel is still holding onto my – Ginny’s – hand and I am – she is – blank-faced and spacey.

Something in what he said a second ago is playing around the corners of my head. Everything was always on his terms. That is striking a chord.

I thought I was happy with him. I certainly told myself and everyone else we were really happy, but there’s something…

I look at myself, at Ginny, closely now, and through the layers of make-up I can see how tired she’s been. How tired she was when she was with Daniel. Tired all the time. Because it was exhausting. She was exhausted, I was exhausted.

As an introvert, I was constantly pushing myself to accommodate his extroversion. I would run around trying to match his puppy energy, fixing the things he broke, picking up after him, trying to keep him entertained and amused.

I consider the night I came back from my hen do, and all I wanted was to go to bed with an M&S ready meal. Instead we drank nearly out of date Baileys and ended up in the pub.

It was constant emotional and physical labour, looking after him and the relationship. Plus, I never wanted to tell him off, or let him know what would make me happy because I was afraid he would find me boring.

Oh my god, I realize, Ilikebeing boring. All I want to do when I get home from work of an evening is lie around in my pyjamas watching mind-numbing telly and eating pasta, while I scroll through my phone and moan about people I don’t like on Instagram.

I don’t mind an evening out once a week – or y’know once a month, ideally – but Daniel wanted todo thingsall the time. If we had a night off, he would be bouncing off the walls, asking what we should do and messaging friends to meet up.

I was so tired all the time.

‘Gin, I want to ask you something,’ Daniel begins, his voice trembling, but I’m barely listening. I’m back in my body, which for the record, is now the shape and colour of a banana, and my stalk is leaning away from him.

I am so off my tits.

And oh god, now Zach’s coming over.

‘Have you met?’ I ask in a weird voice. Daniel looks perturbed, then sighs.

‘No,’ he says, so I take his hand, and then Zach’s hand.

‘I’m a banana, you’re both bananas,’ I tell them both warmly.

‘Right,’ Daniel sighs, running out of patience. ‘We’ll finish this later. Maybe when we’re both feeling a little less all over the place.’

I nod, knowing I need to tell him the truth. I need to explain the realisation I’ve had and what it means. Because I know now that we’re not right for each other. These mad mushrooms have given me the clarity I need and now the right thing to do is to let him down gently. I need to tell Daniel he was right to end it and that we can’t get back together. Not ever.

I mean, sure, he could’ve ended things in a better way, but I finally understand that we weren’t right for each other and we never will be. He’s not my soulmate; he’s a nice, handsome soul drain.

He wanders off towards the bar and I watch the bartender leap out of her chair, pretending she wasn’t on her phone the whole time.

Zach eyes me warily. ‘Hi Ginny,’ he says slowly, with trepidation. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘I’m amazing actually,’ I tell him. ‘How are you feeling?’

He leans in, giving me a small smile. ‘Don’t tell anyone but I didn’t take any. I thought someone better stay sober in case anything went wrong.’ He pauses. ‘Are you sure you’re OK? Your pupils arehuge.’

I nod, trying to seem sober. ‘I’m completely fine,’ I reassure him, intent on not reacting as his eyebrows turn completely white. I don’t want to alarm him, but his whole face is going white and saggy actually. Was Zach always eighty years old?I thought he was quite a bit younger. Funny how wrong you can remember things, isn’t it?

‘Do you want some water?’ he asks anxiously and I feel a rush of affection for him.

‘I’m so glad we’re friends, Zach,’ I tell him and the old man grins. He’s still quite handsome actually, for a very elderly person. I admire his wrinkles, they’re so vivid andreal. I keep going, ‘Honestly, Zach, you’re thebest, and I love working with you. I hope you stay at the store forever.’

The old Zach looks a bit sad at this. ‘Actually your mum’s decided that we’ll be parting ways after Christmas.’ He stares down at the floor. ‘I guess the expansion and new direction isn’t very Walliams’ Custom Designs.’

My mouth gapes open. Even through my messy haze, I feel the enormity of this.

‘You’re joking,’ I say in a whisper. ‘But… but… you’ve been so brilliant. And the clients love you! We’ve had such a surge in business because of you. This is… this is…’ I trail off before finding the words in an explosion, ‘soSTUPID!’

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