Page 73 of Date with Destiny

I look at the floor, feeling too broken for this. ‘Could I not just take to my bed and eat ice cream?’ I ask, looking longingly at the tub she’s brought. I sigh, continuing, ‘I know you want me to be strong, Myfe, but what’s the point? It’s all fate, isn’t it? Isn’t that what you believe in? What’s the point in trying to be better or trying to take control when it’s all preordained? I’ve been cursed with these predictions, which are determined to ruin my life, and they have. So well done, fortune teller! It’s all fucked. Everything I’ve tried to make work, every time I’ve tried to move on has blown up in my face. I might as well accept it.’

There is a long silence between us before Myfanwy speaks at last in a quiet voice. ‘I’m getting a bit sick of this actually.’

‘Sick of what?’ I blink.

‘Sick of you blaming the predictions for everything,’ she spits. ‘One minute you’re complaining about thiscurse, as if it’s responsible for every life choice you’ve ever made. And then the next minute you’re saying you don’t even believein it. So, which is it, Ginny?’ She narrows her eyes at me, waiting for a response. But I have none. She continues, looking furious, ‘You have to start taking responsibility for things. You ignored your problems with Daniel, and then pretended the break-up hadn’t even happened. Then when he saunters back into your life with barely an apology you just, like,giggleand tell him not to worry. You even let him hang out with us at Toni’s birthday and do mushrooms with us! What the fuck was that! You don’t even want to get back with him – you just can’t stand the idea of upsetting him or making him accountable for behaving badly. And now you’re letting Mikey do the same thing!’ She’s on one now, picking up the pace. ‘And the situation with your mum is the worst part! You’ve let Celeste steamroll you foryearson end and then you’re upset at being flattened again! You let her control you and refuse to stand up to her. You couldn’t even tell her you think the new store is shit when it’s been your life’s work!’

‘I’ve tried—’ I begin but Myfanwy raises her voice.

‘Stop justifying it!’ she cries. ‘Do you understand how miserable and – I’ll just say it –boringit is to watch you constantly self-sabotage with your people pleasing? It’s not like you hate your job and don’t care – youloveit. It’s something you really care about and you’ll still let someone destroy it rather than actually standing up and telling Celesteno.’ She is breathing hard as I stand there, in shock. I feel like I’ve been slapped. ‘I’m sick of it,’ she says again. ‘And until you start taking ownership of your own life, and fighting backinstead of letting this shit beat you down, I don’t want to hear about it anymore.’

‘I’ll shut up about everything then, shall I?’ I say, trembling with anger. ‘I’ll just not mention what a catastrophe my life has turned into.’

Myfanwy is purple as she shouts her reply in my face, ‘Yes, actually! Fuck it! Just shut up going on and on about how awful things are for you if you’re not willing to do anything to make it any better! I’ve had enough of it. There’s only so much I can push you, Ginny, if you’re not willing to take any responsibility. Ever!’

For a moment we stare at each other, both breathing hard, both livid. After another second, she storms out of the room, leaving me alone, listening to the sound of her furiously stomping down the stairs, the front door slamming seconds later. I sit heavily on the bed.

That’s it then. Everything’s fucked.

CHAPTER THIRTY

It takes me about four hours of tossing and turning to finally fall asleep that night. And when I do, my Aunt Diane is there waiting for me.

She’s sitting on the end of my bed, like she used to when I was a teenager and she smiles in the same way.

‘Hello you,’ she says in the same voice as ever.

‘Hiya,’ I reply like it’s nothing. I want to move, I want to hug her, but I am frozen in my bed. ‘How come you’re here?’ I say and she smiles again.

‘Do you want me to go?’

‘No,’ I tell her forcefully. ‘I really need you. I don’t think I’ve ever needed you this much, and you’re not here.’

‘Sorry,’ she pouts. ‘But I am here.’

‘You’re not really though, are you?’ I take her in. She looks real. The end of the bed sinks down as if a real, live person were sitting there. She’s got eyebags and stray flyaway hairs around her ponytail. ItisAunt Diane.

She doesn’t answer and I swallow hard, my throat dry and sore. ‘Everything’s gone wrong,’ I tell her weakly. ‘Daniel dumped me, you died.’ I pause. ‘You know a bunch of guys had a fight over you at your funeral?’

She nods happily. ‘Yeah, I saw, that was hilarious. I’m a hot mess even when dead.’

I smile. ‘Celeste loved it, too. You and her are quite similar sometimes.’ I take a deep breath. ‘Mum’s being a nightmare and destroying the family business we built up together. I got used by a cheating idiot, I scared off a new friend, Zach, by being a sex pest. And now Myfanwy’s upset with me, on top of everything.’

‘It’s been difficult for you,’ she acknowledges and I drink in her sympathy. It’s all I wanted from Myfanwy. All I needed was a little support.

I cock my head, remembering the holiday. ‘Were you there when we did the Ouija board in Madeira? I tried to talk to you,’ I ask, and she nods, smiling.

‘I saw you snogging that young man, too.’

‘Embarrassing,’ I acknowledge, looking away.

‘You should’ve called him,’ she tells me. ‘You deserve to have more fun. I don’t know why you give yourself such a hard time about the big life stuff. You need to just enjoy the silly little bits in between.’

‘That’s sort of what the tarot reader said,’ I tell her. ‘But she did it with pictures.’

‘I think you’re old enough to follow what I’m saying without a visual aid,’ she says wryly, arching an eyebrow. ‘I knowit hasn’t been an easy year for you, Ginny my love, but it’s been an important one.’

‘Has it?’ I say desperately. ‘It hasn’t felt important, it’s felt wretched.’

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