I give her a reproachful look before remembering I’d kind of come to the same conclusion about our relationship.
She’s right – this doesn’t really sound like that Daniel. LikemyDaniel. The Daniel I dated for five years would never have worried about whether it was going to upset me to turn up or message again. Even the Daniel from a month ago apparently wasn’t concerned about how it would affect me when he showed up at that bar trying to make some kind of heartfelt confession.
‘I should probably talk to him,’ I say hesitantly. ‘I mean… I should, shouldn’t I? If he’s making an effort to think about my feelings, I should do the same for him.’
There is a question in my voice and Myfanwy begins with the same uncertainty in hers. ‘I know you’d decided you definitely don’t want to get back with Daniel,’ she searches my face. ‘But would it change anything for you ifhe’dchanged? If this Daniel who is putting you first and wants you to be happy is a Daniel who tells you he’s still in love with you and wants to give things another go, would you consider it?’
I am floored by this question.
And how can I answer it? If this really is a different Daniel, then how can I know how I’d feel? I know I don’t want to be in that relationship we were in before. I know I don’t want to be withthatman. But what if it’s a different relationship – a different man – he’s offering?
I shake my head, dismissing the question. ‘People don’t change, not really,’ I say with a surety I don’t feel. ‘Or maybe they do for a while but then they change back.’
Myfanwy smirks. ‘I don’t know, you seem quite different lately.’
I shake my head again, harder this time. ‘No, I don’t want to get back with Daniel, and I’m going to text him, arrange a coffee, and tell him that straight. He deserves to know where he stands and I’m being more direct with people this year.’
‘Good girl!’ Myfanwy says with enthusiasm. ‘Speaking of that,’ she continues conversationally. ‘Have you decided not to talk to Toni about Shawn after all?’
‘Ugh!’ I say now, throwing my hands up. ‘The thing is, I don’t know if he’s allthatbad these days. Maybe he’s growing up?’
‘I thought people didn’t change?’ Myfanwy parrots my words and I shoot her a look.
‘Admit it though, Myfe, he was pretty great with the Mikey stuff, wasn’t he?’ I sigh. ‘I know he’s gross and super annoying. But just because he chews with his mouth open and doesn’t cover up when he coughs, does that mean he shouldn’t be with Toni?’
Myfanwy pulls a disgusted face. ‘But what about the age gap? Or the fact that he still explodes over the smallest thing?’
I nod. ‘I know, I know. He’s incredibly fragile and ego-driven, but I think he wants to be better. He was talking the other day about having three big brothers and a really overbearing alpha dad. I think he’s just another sad productof the male surroundings he was brought up in.’ Myfanwy looks like she will argue this some more so I put a hand on her arm. ‘Ultimately, I’m still not happy about any of it, but I can only support Toni in her decisions. She’s a grown-up and I can’t force her to see what an idiot he is,’ I say simply and her mouth closes. ‘I think we have to respect her choices.’ She rolls her eyes, but I know she agrees.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Celeste is having a selfie with a security guard.
Oh and now with the man and woman on reception.
Now some guy with a lanyard who was on his way out is asking for one.
Several others now crowd around my mother with their selfie requests, and Celeste beams her exquisiteness into a thousand cameras as basically every single person in this building queues up, pointing and whispering.
It must be such a weird, exhausting life.
Selfie acquired, the lanyard man approaches Myfanwy and I, where we sit, quiet and unnoticed in the corner, just how we like it. ‘Are you here to see Ms Ball?’ he murmurs discreetly, and we nod excitedly.
Asifwe’re getting to meet Crystal Ball! As if! Even if she didn’t happen to be the fortune teller that changed my life sixteen years ago and predicted this whole bananas year, she’s alsoCrystal Ball,the legend that we’ve been obsessively binge-watching on TV and YouTube.
Last week, Celeste happened upon us in the living room watching back-episodes of the show and, after hearing how much we love Crystal, she made exactly one phone call to her agent. Within an hour, we had a personal meeting arranged with Ms Ball for today. For now! It’s another absurd and brilliant perk of my mother being my mother. I didn’t tell her Crystal Ball happens to be the fortune teller I met when I was a teenager. I didn’t know how she’d react and I didn’t want to chance it.
As we pass by Celeste and her beloved fans, Myfanwy assumes the role of bad guy PA, tearing her away as she loudly protests and promises to reply to every Instagram DM. We follow the lanyard guy through turnstiles and long winding corridors, staring in wonder at picture after picture on the walls of local celebrities. We pass a long trophy case and I pause briefly, almost losing lanyard guy as I admire an array of awards I’ve never heard of.
I catch up with the group as we arrive outside a door. On the front is her name:
Crystal Ball.
I briefly wonder if I can ask to see her passport. It can’t be her real name? Not the one she was born with anyway. But maybe she had it legally changed. If shewereactually born with it, that’s some next-level nominative determinism. Move over Phil McCann reporting on a petrol crisis.
Lanyard guy knocks efficiently and piles in without waiting. We follow him inside, to find Crystal posing elegantly – and very deliberately – on a long velvet chaise. Infront of her is a low table full of fruits, nuts and crisps. It makes my stomach rumble.
Our psychic leaps up, a long skirt flapping around her ankles as she comes towards us.