Page 88 of Date with Destiny

I smile warmly, fully feeling every word he’s said. After a moment, I reach across and take his hand.

‘I forgive you, Daniel,’ I tell him simply. ‘I really do.’ I pause. ‘I admit, you’re right, I hadn’t back then – it was too soon. I had to fully process what had happened andfeelit. I had to be on my own for a while and figure things out. I had to miss you and hate you for a while, but I really am OK with what happened now. I promise. It was bad, but I’m over it.’

‘Really?’ His eyes look overly bright and shiny. ‘You honestly feel that way?’

I nod and take a deep breath. It’s time to tell him how I feel.

‘Listen, Daniel, I’m so sorry, but I don’t love you. Not anymore. I don’t think we should get back together. I don’t want to hurt you and I’ve realized tonight how much I care for you – as a friend. But I know for sure that it’s not more than that. I really have forgiven you, I promise you that, but I don’t think we could ever work together, not really. I’m too much of an introvert for you. You need someone fun and full of life and energy. I don’t have the right components for you.’ I pause. ‘And you don’t have the right ones for me. I don’t want us to get back together – I hope that’s OK.’

He blinks a few times.

‘Huh?’ he says at last, dumbly.

‘I’m really sorry,’ I say again, feeling awful. I hope he’s not going to cry.

‘Oh Ginny, no!’ He looks mortified. ‘Did you think I was hassling you all this time to get back together? I’m such an idiot, ofcourseyou would’ve thought that! I just wanted to say sorry properly, even if you couldn’t forgive me.’ He grimaces before adding sheepishly, ‘I’m so relieved you have forgiven me, but it sounds like I should say sorry again. I really didn’t mean to make you think I wanted to give our relationship another go. I just regret so much the way I acted and wanted to be sure you knew it was my fault.’ He cocks his head at me. ‘You always had a bit of a tendency for blaming yourself for things, so I was worried you thought it was somethingyou’ddone. And it wasn’t! You were the bestgirlfriend, always so thoughtful and kind.’ He takes a deep breath. ‘For ages after I left, I couldn’t understand why I’d done it. Everyone around me kept saying how good we were together. My mate Jimmy would hound me with whys every time I saw him – we had the shittest time in Amsterdam because he wouldn’t let up! He kept going on about how lovely you are and how we never seemed to argue.’ He sighs and I think back to those miserable, sleepless nights looking through Jimmy’s Instagram pictures from that trip, thinking how happy and carefree Daniel looked. ‘But,’ he begins again, ‘I realized that was kinda the problem. Um…’ he hesitates. ‘Not you being lovely, but us never arguing. I’ve realized in this past year that I’m also a people pleaser.’ He meets my eyes and smiles sheepishly. ‘While you’ve been focusing on our clashing introverted and extroverted natures, I’ve been considering those traits we share that aretoosimilar! I know I gave you a hard time sometimes about your people pleasing, but I’ve realized I was doing it too. I bounced around, saying yes to every invitation, saying yes to all the work, saying yes to the people I love.’ He frowns. ‘Saying yes to getting married. I never wanted to be a disappointment. But I was so focused on making sure everyone else was happy, including you, that I didn’t stop to realize I wasn’t happy.’ He gulps. ‘Sometimes everything canseemperfect. It can be the life you thought you wanted for yourself – what everyone around you thinks you should have – but it still doesn’t feel right.’

I nod. He made himself unhappy, trying to make mehappy. Just like I was doing. How stupid. Why is it so hard for people to be honest with each other – withthemselves?And why does it seem to be so much harder with the people closest to us?

I sit back in my chair.Andhe doesn’t want to get back together! I was so sure. I’ve been so bloody worried about telling him I didn’t want to be with him! I feel like such an idiot.

‘Hold on…’ I begin, unable to fully move the subject on just yet. ‘But you seemed so jealous that night, when you met Mikey. When we all did mushrooms?’

He shrugs, a bit uncomfortable. ‘Well yeah, I didn’t reallylovethat, I’ll admit it. I might be sure we’re broken up for the right reasons and be OK with it, but it’s still hard for me to see you with someone else!’ He pauses. ‘But to be honest, I was more jealous of that ridiculously good-looking other dude.’ He narrows his eyes in the direction of Zach, across the room dancing. ‘Zach, was it? I know he was only there for a few minutes but I could see right away how much you fancied each other.’ He laughs. ‘Even through my mushroom haze.’ He leans in, a small smile playing on his lips. ‘I noticed he’s here tonight – are you seeing him?’

‘Zach?’ I am shocked by this. ‘No, no, it wasn’t like that, itisn’tlike that! We’re just friends.’ Why do I have to keep saying this to people? It’s so depressing that people can’t accept a man and a woman can be just friends.

‘Right!’ Daniel snorts. There is silence for a second before he smiles shyly. ‘So… you think you and me can be friends?For real?’

I smile back. ‘I think it’s worth a try.’

‘In that case,’ he leaps up, reaching for my hands, ‘let’s get back on that dancefloor. I have a lot more awful dancing to show you!’

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

It is so weird how a person can look so much exactly the same, while also being completely transformed.

In my mind, Flo Williams has been this tiny, fragile victim for so long, I can’t quite comprehend this fully adult woman with so much confidence and a sarcastic sense of humour can be the same person. And yet, there’s that nose. There’s that same fringe that she flicks away with the same small hand with chewed nails. She laughs now, and it’s that same bloody giggle she had aged nine.

‘And do you remember Mr Johnson who taught us for a term in Year Four?’ She throws her head back laughing, her mid-length hair swishing around her shoulders in the wind.

‘I do,’ I nod happily. ‘And how Martin Mantle told everyone what “Johnson” meant, and nobody could answer, “Here, Mr Johnson,” during the register without sniggering.’

‘Yes!’ Flo grins. ‘And then everyone got convincedMr Johnson was having an affair with the school secretary, Mrs Grain, because someone saw them talking at breaktime.’

‘And Martin Mantle kept telling everyone Mr Johnson was giving Mrs Grain his Johnson.’

‘Even though,’ Flo muses, ‘in hindsight, I’m pretty sure Mrs Grain was about forty years older than Mr Johnson.’

‘I still think they were at it, and I’m sure Martin Mantle would agree with me, whatever he’s doing now,’ I comment dryly. Flo laughs that familiar laugh, as a dog bounds up with a stick in its mouth. She accepts the gift, lobbing it back out onto the field. We watch in silence as it runs about in the open air with pure joy.

My old school friend and I have been sitting on this park bench near Flo’s house for thirty minutes already, and so far, we’ve managed to avoid the reason we’re here. Instead, we’ve been reliving silly memories from primary school. The time before.

‘I guess,’ Flo begins hesitantly, ‘I guess everyone was getting picked on or teased in some way or another. Even the teachers.’ She lets this hang, as I stare at my hands.

‘I’m so sorry, Flo,’ I say at last in a quiet voice. ‘I’m really, really sorry. For all of it. You have no idea how much I regret what happened. What I did.’

She sighs, wrapping her coat around herself as the wind picks up around us.

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