Page 93 of Date with Destiny

She sighs as I sit beside her on the bed. ‘The trouble is that I have to pay most of the rent and the whole deposit for now, and there’s just nothing I can afford.’

I am careful with my question. ‘Why do you have to pay most of the rent?’

‘Oh,’ she says dismissively. ‘It’s just until Shawn’s stand-up comedy career takes off. Or his band. Either way.’

I take this in, picturing Shawn performing on stage. Nothing hotter than a man over thirty who still thinks he can ‘make it’ in showbiz.

‘But…’ I continue even more carefully. ‘He has a normal job as well, doesn’t he? Does it not pay very well?’

‘It pays OK,’ she says evenly. ‘But, like he explained, he has to use most of his money to fund the comedy and the music. Once one of those come off, obviously he’ll be loaded and at that point he said he’ll pay half the rent.’

It just gets worse and worse.

‘Does he think you earn loads of money or something?’ I ask, genuinely interested in how he can justify this.

She shrugs, reddening a little. ‘We haven’t really talked about money, but he has mentioned a few times how our family is clearly loaded.’

‘But Celeste doesn’t give us any of it! It’shermoney!’ I say, unable to stop myself. ‘Our wages at the store aren’t even that great, and I haven’t had a pay rise in two years.’

‘Me neither,’ she shakes her head. ‘I suppose she does let us live here without paying rent, and I’ve been trying to saveup. I’ve got enough for our deposit, which is handy because Shawn doesn’t have any savings.’

‘It may be rent-free, but there’s a price to pay,’ I mutter darkly.

Toni looks thoughtful and I realize I have to say something more. Things have been a bit better between Shawn and I in recent weeks, but even if he’s not head to toe awful – maybe just head to shins – does he really belong with my baby sister?

‘Hey, Tone,’ I begin and she looks up. ‘You know I think Shawn is… great.’ I swallow hard. ‘But… but… listen, are yousureabout moving in together?’ I continue quickly before she can say anything. ‘It’s just that you’re still so young and it sounds like he might not be, er, financially set up to get a place with you right now. Maybe you could wait a little bit longer? See how things go?’ I swallow. ‘And I know this is absolutely none of my business, but are you sure about him? He is quite a, er,characterand he seems to get angry a lot. Plus, there’s the age gap…’ I quickly add, ‘But if you tell me he’s wonderful to you and you’re blissfully happy with him then I promise I’ll shut up and never say another word!’ I finish a little breathlessly, anxiously waiting for a reaction.

She is silent and I think for a second she is angry with me.

After another moment, she reaches across to her laptop, pulling it closer and lifting its lid. Instead of SpareRoom.com on the screen, it is open tab after open tab with Google search results. Toni has apparently asked the internet the following questions:

Should you live with a boyfriend you hate?

Do I have to live with my boyfriend?

How do I tell my boyfriend I don’t actually like him as a human being?

Is it normal to find your boyfriend completely repulsive?

‘Wait, what?’ I ask, staring at the computer. I re-read the different questions three more times to check I’m not misinterpreting anything, then I look up at my sister.

‘I’mdesperatenot to live with him!’ she says anxiously. ‘I couldn’t believe it when he asked me in front of everyone like that at Sonali’s birthday party! It was so humiliating and I could hardly say no or give him the brush-off, could I? Not that he’d listen.’ Her face darkens. ‘He never listens. He tells me all these tedious stories of work and the band, then when I try to tell him something about my day, he picks up his phone and completely ignores me. I think I’m just a receptacle for his speeches.’

‘That’s not… great,’ I admit, alarmed.

‘I hate him,’ she adds damningly.

‘That’s definitely not great,’ I say in a stronger tone.

‘Oh well,’ she shrugs and I regard her closer. ‘What other options do I have? I have to move in with him.’

‘What? No!’ I soften my tone. ‘You need to break up with him, Tone,’ I tell her gently and she laughs in surprise – then looks panicked.

‘But having someone I hate is better than having no one,isn’t it? I have a plus one for things. I have someone to pose with on Instagram.’ She pauses, before adding softly, ‘And you stayed with Daniel for years.’ I frown.

‘I thought I was happy though,’ I protest weakly. ‘You’re not happy.’

‘Sometimes I’m happy,’ she insists. ‘And it’s better than people feeling sorry for me on my own.’

---