Page 96 of Date with Destiny

‘Oh darling, I work in showbiz – I’ve been in therapy foryears.’ She pauses, taking my question more seriously. ‘To be honest, I’ve been thinking about maybe finding someone else. This woman I see is a celebrity therapist, she seeseveryone.’ She winks and there is a little more of the Celeste I know. ‘And I meaneveryone. I think I worry too much about what she thinks of me. I want her to like me, to be impressed by me, so I don’t end up telling her things I know I should.’

‘Hmm,’ I grimace. ‘That doesn’t sound like the most effective form of therapy really.’

‘No,’ she concedes. ‘I will ask my PA to get a list of other options together. A few who don’t specialize in stars but in actual mental health.’

I laugh humourlessly. ‘Good idea.’

She smiles again weakly, sniffly and shiny-cheeked from threatening tears, but they don’t come yet. ‘Do you forgive me?’

I open my mouth to say yes, but pull myself back. I’m not letting people off the hook anymore. ‘It’s not as easy as that,Mum,’ I tell her carefully. ‘I need to see a change. I need you to stop trying to control us or manipulate us. We’re grown-ups and need to make our own choices without being undermined by what you’ve decided is better for us. I love you, but I need you to try and be better.’

She takes a deep breath, looking determined. ‘OK.’ She regards me now, her expression softening. ‘Youarea grown-up,’ she says now. ‘And I’m really proud of you. You’re such a smart, capable, beautiful woman.’ She pauses. ‘And you have strength, which I’m so glad about. I wasn’t sure.’

I breathe in her compliments, my chest filling with pride. I do feel stronger. I feel like I’m making decisions for myself, instead of for others. I’ve been putting myself first and standing up for myself when it’s required.

‘I’m sorry about earlier,’ she says quietly.

I cock my head. ‘Upstairs?’ I ask and she shakes her head.

‘I mean earlier, in the store. When you asked again about the engagement concierge role.’ She looks intensely vulnerable as she continues, ‘I got insecure, I think. You are so brilliant and clever—’

‘I’m not clever,’ I interrupt automatically and she regards me askance.

‘Of course you are!’ She sounds like she means it. ‘Darling, you’re so clever. And you have all this emotional intelligence, which is far harder to come by than book smarts. You can read people and help people. Your empathy could fill a swimming pool.’

My eyes dampen. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper.

‘Anyway,’ she says, dabbing at her own eyes, ‘I definitely think we should launch the store’s very first engagement concierge. I spoke to my publicist on the way over here and she loved it. She’s putting together a press release right now.’

I stand up. ‘You’re serious?’

She nods. ‘Of course. It will actually be a great distraction from that godawfulLove Islandrange.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘What was Ithinking? Another area where I should’ve listened to you.’ She sighs. ‘Anyway, let’s try the engagement concierge concept, which, by the way’ – she winks at me – ‘comes with a pay rise, of course!’ We grin at each other across the kitchen table. ‘I’m also going to speak to Zach and say sorry. See if he’ll come back to work with us. You were a good team. We’ll try it all,’ she says. ‘AndIwill try.’

‘Thanks, Mum,’ I say softly and reach for her hand. We stay there for another minute, holding hands and smiling at one another.

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

‘Oh darling, don’t worry about it!’ Celeste is saying into her phone. ‘Not a second thought, I insist! It’s not a problemat all. You are an angel with diamond wings who can do no wrong as far as I’m concerned, my sweet!’ She pauses. ‘Darling, let me put you on hold, I just need to make a note of something.’ She jabs a finger at her phone and then turns to face the room where me, Myfanwy and Sonali are sprawled around the living room in various states of undress, enjoying a celebratory sleepover in honour of their big engagement news.

‘What a CUNT!’ Celeste is wild-eyed as she waves her mobile at us. ‘This stupid prick on the phone has sent out our engagement concierge press release with a huge typo! It was his job to proof it before it went out. He had one job, the stupid twat! I’m going to have him fired so hard. I’m not just going to have him fired from his job, I’m going to have him loaded into a fucking cannon and fired at the sun. So he can burn to death knowing he’s been fired twice. What a complete tosser.’

She pauses for only half a second but it is long enough for a small, tinny voice to pipe up from her phone.

‘Er, Celeste, I think you might’ve put me on loudspeaker instead of on hold.’

Celeste jabs at her phone again, returning it to her ear. ‘Oh no, notyoumy darling,’ she tinkles smoothly. ‘Of course not you, I’d never talk about you like that, you’re my delicious peach melba with extra raspberry sauce.’ Turning to our group again, she points at the phone in her hand and slow-motion mouths, ‘CUNT.’

She stomps out of the room, still pouring confusing sweet nothings into this man’s ear, and we all glance at each other, delighted at her outrageous ability to get away with anything. In the corner, Myfanwy flicks through the early morning channels, finding nothing and landing onBBC Breakfastweather.

‘Carol Kirkwood is my sexuality,’ Sonali announces, moving closer to the screen where the Scottish weather presenter beams her daily winning smile to the nation.

‘Oi,’ Myfanwy shouts across the room, lobbing a cushion. ‘You’re engaged now, Sonali, no perving at other women.’

‘Try not to wreck my mum’s house,’ I faux-scold, then add with a huge grin, ‘Especially just as I’m moving out…’ There is excited murmuring and they both turn to me with interest. ‘Well, soon anyway,’ I explain, embarrassed by my premature grand announcement. ‘As you know, Mum’s given me a new job at the store and with the extra money I’m earning, I’ve worked out I canjust aboutafford to get somewhere.And the most exciting part is’ – I try not to squeal – ‘I’ve decided I’m going to live alone!’

The funny thing is, until a few days ago, I’d literally in my life never once considered living on my own. Which is so strange given how much I love being alone. I always thought I’d be too scared or too lonely, but I’ve never been more scared and lonely at points in this last year, and I’ve been living in a house with two other people! So much has happened and I’ve realized that I’m much braver than I thought I could be.

Myfanwy and Sonali cheer as I continue, ‘I don’t care how cheesy it sounds – I’m a strong, independent woman, who can enjoy her own company. I don’t need a boyfriend toprotectme or give me, like, permission to get out there and live my life.’ I roll my eyes. ‘And it’s not like I’ll be alone-alone. I have you brilliant pair who will no doubt turn up uninvited regularly.’ I pause. ‘And sure, I will probably end up in huge debt, living off payday loans and stealing diamonds from my workplace but still, I’m SO excited about it!’

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