Page 17 of It's Now or Never

We fell into step with one another as though we’d done it a dozen times before and walked away from the chapel andthrough the streets of Casterton. It felt entirely natural being with Alex and ten minutes later we were tucked away in a corner of a quaint tea shop in Market Square. I was full of nervous anticipation, relieved to be able to sit down and have something to do with my hands, as I sat fiddling with the contents of the sugar bowl in front of me, but more relieved to be alone with Alex.

‘There you go,’ he said, when he’d collected two cappuccinos from the counter and brought them over to our table.

He also delivered two plates of cake, a vanilla slice and a coffee and walnut traybake which looked sinfully delicious and made me realise just how hungry I was. When he sat down he proceeded to cut both cakes in two and pushed the plates into the centre of the table. He gestured with a slight incline of his head for me to get stuck in. A man who definitely knew the way to this woman’s heart.

‘So how have you really been?’ he asked for a second time, fixing me with a probing stare before picking up a piece of cake for himself and biting into it with gusto.

‘Good, thank you. Busy.’ I felt a heat warm my cheeks as our eyes met for a moment before we picked up our coffee cups in unison. ‘The wedding seems like a long time ago now. What a lovely day it was.’

‘It was.’ There was a perceptible pause as his gaze roamed my face. ‘I texted you. Did you get my messages?’

Not only had I received them, but I’d over-analysed them, obsessed over them, wondered if I should reply to them or if I should just delete the whole lot. I couldn’t quite bring myself to do that. Instead I’d spent the last few weeks re-reading them, looking for any hidden intent behind his casual words.

Hi, just wondered if you fancied getting together for that drink? Let me know.

How are you? Hope all’s well in the luxury goods world. Text me back when you have a mo.

Here’s a sad face :( That’s how I’m feeling right now. Thought you might want to get together some time, but I’m guessing not?

Am I being a pest? I don’t mean to be, but would be great to hear from you.

Was it my bad dad dancing that put you off? I could take lessons if that would make a difference.

Or maybe it was my conversational skills, did I really bore you to death that day, and you were just being polite? Or maybe it was my aftershave? Hmmm, I’ve been thinking I should change it for a while now. Or was it perhaps my dodgy dress sense?

Not all of those things, surely?

Okay, let it not be said that I can’t take a hint. You don’t want to see or hear from me. I get it. Don’t darken my doorstep ever again, kind of thing? It’s deeply depressing, but I get it. If you change your mind then you know where I am:)x

‘Yes, I did,’ I said, feeling embarrassed now. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t reply, it was just…’

It was just what? I could hardly admit how humiliated I’d felt when he’d caught me loitering outside his gallery that morning. Every time I thought about it my cheeks stung with shame. I didn’t want him thinking I was needy or just sitting at homewaiting for him to call. It was a one-night stand. A pretty memorable one-night stand admittedly but it had served its purpose. It had proved that I could be witty and charming and attractive to men. In particular, a drop-dead gorgeous man like Alex. After being blind-sided by Paul, there’d been moments when I thought I would never date another man again.

Angie had warned me what sort of a man Alex was and so I’d decided there was no need for us to have anything to do with each other again. Just one night with him had left me feeling giddy, exposed and entertaining all sorts of fanciful thoughts. Any more and I knew I’d be in serious danger of getting in far deeper than would be good for my heart.

No, I’d decided to try the same approach with Alex as I had with Marcia. Putting it out of my mind. Pretending it had never happened. Only trying to forget about Alex wasn’t nearly as easy as forgetting about Marcia.

Alex laughed, breaking the tension, holding up his hand to stop me.

‘You don’t need to explain.’ He stirred his spoon around in his mug, tracing a trail through the creamy topping on his coffee, an action that was surprisingly distracting in its sensuousness. ‘I think Arthur would have been pleased with his send-off today, don’t you?’

‘Oh yes, it was a wonderful tribute.’

Alex was thoughtful for a moment. ‘Funerals always make you consider your own mortality, and that of your family and friends, don’t they? I mean, we’re all going in that direction one day.’

In the few interactions I’d had with Alex, I’d come to realise that he wasn’t afraid of tackling some heavy subjects like marriage and death.

‘I know.’ I shrugged. ‘Must admit I couldn’t help thinkingabout my mum and nan back there. It’s the hymns, they always touch me deep down inside.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry,’ said Alex, reaching over for my hand, his fingers interlocking with mine, genuine concern in his eyes. ‘I didn’t realise you’d lost your mum.’

‘Yeah, it was about eight years ago now and then my nan died a couple of years later. It was a difficult time, but in the end you just have to move on with your life. Somehow. It changes you though and you never forget those people who’ve played such an important part in your life. I always feel as though Mum and Nan are at my side.’

It was what everyone had told me at the time when I said I wasn’t sure how I would ever get by without Mum. I didn’t believe them when they told me I would. That I had to. That it was what Mum would have wanted. It was only now I was really beginning to appreciate that.

‘Of course. Puts everything into perspective, doesn’t it? And makes you realise that all those clichés spouted about life being too short are absolutely true. We definitely need to be making the most of the time we have here as none of us know how long we’ve got.’

I looked across at Alex. He still had his hand on mine, but it didn’t feel awkward in any way. It felt perfectly natural, and a huge comfort too.

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