Page 26 of It's Now or Never

I was hoping for a not trying too hard, simple but effective look, and judging by Alex’s open-mouthed expression when I opened the door, I was pretty certain I’d pulled it off.

‘You look… incredible.’ Alex savoured every syllable in the word, his obvious admiration making my legs unsteady on my heels and turning my insides to mush. ‘I brought you flowers,’ he said, handing over the biggest bouquet I’d ever seen.

If I’d thought my flowers from work were beautiful then this profusion of blooms including oriental lilies and large pink headed roses was in a different league altogether.

‘Wow. Thank you,’ I said, lowering my nose to inhale their delicious scent. I leant up to kiss him on the cheek, catching a whiff of another more masculine scent, which was even more seductive. ‘That’s so lovely of you.’

‘It’s my pleasure,’ he smiled.

I’d been with my ex for nine years and I don’t think he’d ever bought me so much as a single red rose so this pleasure wasdefinitely all mine, especially as Alex’s mouth was curling in a way that made my stomach react in the same way.

‘Well, it’s not every day you leave your job, is it? How was your last day at work?’

‘Emotional, I think that’s the best way to describe it. I always hate goodbyes and today there were plenty of them. There were lots of laughs and lots of tears too. Must admit I’m feeling a bit wrung out now.’

‘What you need is a pick me up. Come on, madam,’ he said, holding up his arm for me. ‘Your carriage awaits.’

We ended up in a French restaurant that was tucked away in an alley leading down to the river. It was intimate and welcoming and reassuringly the conversation, aided by the wine, flowed effortlessly, just as it had when we’d first met at the wedding.

‘So what made you decide to leave your job now?’ Alex asked me between courses. ‘You’d been there quite some time, hadn’t you?’

‘Ever since I left school. It’s the only job I’ve ever known and I think that was part of the problem. I realised I’d been standing still for far too long, ever since my mum died actually. My life stopped then and it never really started again, not properly. At twenty it seemed like I had all the time in the world, but with my thirtieth looming in a couple of years, I just feel this desperate need to do something with my life, to try something new, something adventurous, so that I don’t feel life is passing me by.’

‘Really?’ said Alex, amusement flickering over his features. ‘Like what?’

‘Well, quitting my job was the first step. I want to devote more time to all the projects I’ve wanted to do for so long now like writing and crafting, and generally living life to the full. I want to feel as though I’m taking part in life instead of watching ithappen to other people from the sidelines. Can you understand that, Alex?’

‘Yes, absolutely.’ He nodded, his gaze doing that unnerving thing of travelling around my face, seeming to examine each and every pore and freckle, before landing with a heavy thump on my eyes. I felt my lashes give an involuntary flutter. ‘Well, if it’s an adventure you’re looking for I’m sure I can help you out. If you want me to.’

His eyes flickered at me and I dropped my gaze, away from his intense scrutiny. I couldn’t admit to Alex that even being with him here tonight was an adventure in itself.

‘I’m sure you could, Alex,’ I said, my head ignoring the suggestive edge to his words, but my body responding in its own sweet way. I felt the temperature inside my veins soar, sending my heart racing. ‘It sounds to me as though you live a pretty full and exciting life as it is. Working in the city, then setting up your own gallery, painting, travelling the world. You’ve crammed in so much more than me.’

‘Well, we all travel different paths in life. It’s no good comparing yourself to other people and what they’ve done. You have to live your own life, do what’s right for you, but it’s never too late to take a change of direction.’

‘Yes, well, that’s what I’m doing now. It feels like the right time. I don’t know what the future will hold for me, but I’m feeling really excited about the prospect.’

‘See, what did I tell you? You didn’t believe me when I told you I could see big changes in your future, but already my predictions are taking shape.’

He raised his eyebrows at me as a delicious smile lifted one corner of his mouth.

‘Oh, your famous letter,’ I said, laughing. ‘If you’d let me read it then I might agree, but I wasn’t even allowed to see it. Youcould have written any old nonsense in that letter. In fact, I know you probably did.’

His brow furrowed as he chewed on his lips, looking at me doubtfully.

‘You’re doubting my insight again, Jen. You shouldn’t. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about, and who knows, you might even get to find out what was in that letter one day. Your problem is you’re far too impatient. It will happen for you, I promise. Everything you want and desire is out there waiting. You just need to reach out and grab for it.’

The way he said it, with such conviction and sincerity, could make me believe he knew exactly what he was talking about, but I shook my head, indulgently. It didn’t matter that Alex was humouring me. He had about as much insight into my future as I had into the foreign stock exchange, but his advice was spot on, resonating with me deep down inside. It was the same advice my mum left for me in her letter; to get out there and live my life to the full. Advice I was ready to take now.

I rolled my shoulders and wriggled back into my chair, allowing a sense of wearied contentment to wash over me. It had been a week of highs and lows, my emotions laid bare, but I couldn’t think of a better way to round it off than to spend it here with Alex.

‘You know, Jen, I’m really pleased you came tonight,’ he said, as if picking up on my thoughts. Maybe there was something to his claims about second sight, after all. His hand reached out for mine across the table and our eyes met, his touch sending a jolt of electricity reverberating down my spine. ‘I’ve been looking forward to seeing you again, ever since the last time, and for a while there I thought it might never happen. You have to give a guy points for persistence,’ he said, with a wry smile.

I laughed.

‘Oh, I do give you that. I really like you as well, only…’

How could I possibly explain my feelings when I could barely make sense of them myself? Alex had been incredibly persistent. Charming, flattering and attentive too. It made my head spin and my body capitulate, and yet there was still something about him that unsettled me. However hard I tried I couldn’t rid myself of Angie’s words of warning. Could I trust Alex not to break my heart? The way he was looking at me now, intently, peeling away the layers to my innermost desires and feelings, I suspected not.

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