Page 27 of It's Now or Never

‘I get it,’ he said, holding up a hand. ‘It’s you, not me.’ He pressed his lips together, nodding in understanding. ‘Really, it’s fine, Jen. I don’t want to put any pressure on you.’

Why was I allowing my emotions to get so muddied in what should be just a carefree, enjoyable fling with a drop-dead gorgeous man? The night I’d spent with Alex had been memorable and magical. An experience definitely worth repeating.

After dinner we walked the short distance along the path that ran alongside the river, hand in hand, our fingers entwined, before we jumped into a taxi, Alex giving my address to the driver. When the car pulled up outside my flat, Alex got out and held the door open for me.

‘Would you like to come up for a coffee?’

‘I can’t think of anything I’d like more,’ said Alex, stroking my cheek with his thumb. ‘But not tonight. I’ve got an early start in the morning. And you,’ he said, smiling, ‘look absolutely whacked.’ He leant down to kiss me, depositing the lingering taste of red wine into my mouth. He pulled away, tracing a finger over my lips where his mouth had just been. ‘Beautiful, but whacked. You definitely need your bed.’

‘Oh…’ my disappointment escaped my lips. I needed my bed, it was true, but I needed Alex beside me in my bed, to feel the strength of his firm hard body against mine, to feel the exquisiteness ofhis kisses on my skin. I’d been reconciling myself to the idea all night long. In truth, it hadn’t been a difficult decision, but now it looked as though Alex had other ideas. ‘Are you absolutely certain?’ I said, trying to keep the note of desperation from my voice.

He nodded resignedly.

What was going on? Could I have misread the signs? Did he have the owner of the earrings waiting for him at home?

‘Okay,’ I said, gathering my pride. ‘Thanks for a lovely evening, Alex.’

‘The pleasure has been all mine.’ He kissed me again, this time gently, fleetingly, on my lips and my mouth chased his kiss as he pulled away, extricating himself from our embrace. ‘I’ll give you a call in the week.’

‘Great. I’ll look forward to it.’

Would he, wouldn’t he? Should I, shouldn’t I? My poor little heart; taunted, teased and tempted by its flirtation with Alex Fellows. Really, I wasn’t sure how much more of this my heart or I could take.

13

The next morning I woke late and stretched out in my bed, savouring the sensation of not having to rush out of bed for anybody or anything. My mind played over the events of the last twenty-four hours and I felt a warm swell of gratitude for the love and affection shown to me from the friends and colleagues who had played such an important part in my life for so long. Spending the evening with Alex had been the perfect way to end the day, but it had only fed my desire for more of him; to discover more about the man who was becoming more interesting, enticing and equally unfathomable with every moment that I spent in his company.

Was I sweating the small stuff, as my mum would have said? Over-thinking things. Why couldn’t I just go with the flow and see what happened. I’d already convinced myself there could be no long term future with a man like Alex, so why was I playing over every conversation in my head, reliving every shared look and touch, analysing every nuance between us as though there might.

‘Stop it!’ I chastised my reflection in the mirror. If I was goingto be moving forward with my life, I needed to put Alex very firmly out of my head.

I ran the bath, pouring mango and passionfruit bubbles into the running water. I made myself a milky coffee and warmed up apain au chocolatin the oven before retreating to the heavenly depths of the hot water, turning the music up loud and putting all thoughts of gorgeous distracting men out of my mind. There were plenty of other things that needed my full-on attention and on Monday I would start with a vengeance on my new life.

After climbing out of the bath I changed into some tracksuit bottoms and a sweatshirt as I was going to spend the day taking photos of the craft projects I’d recently completed. Rummaging through the drawer for my camera I gave a cursory glance to my mobile sitting on the side. Four missed calls from an unknown number.

I wandered out to the hallway and noticed the insistent flashing of the answer machine, demanding my attention. Panic fluttering in my chest, I pushed the button to hear the messages.

‘Hello Jennifer, it’s Marcia here. I wonder if you could give me a ring… my number is, now let me see, it’s here somewhere, right… 03797 214 024.’

‘Hello Jennifer, it’s Marcia. I left a message, but I’m wondering if you received it. Do you think you could call me. The number is… hang on… 037…’

‘Hello again, Jennifer. I’ve tried you on this phone and on your mobile one, but I can’t seem to get hold of you. It’s your granddad. I don’t want you to worry, but he’s had a funny turn. We’re at the hospital now. They’re just running a few tests. Could you phone me, love, when you get this message. The number’s 037…’

‘No!’ I stared at the answer machine accusingly. I’d only spoken to Gramps yesterday and he’d sounded absolutely fine. Imade a point of ringing him every day. Surely I would have known if there’d been something wrong.

I quickly put my trainers on, grabbed my coat and keys and raced out to the car.

It took me under fifteen minutes to get to the hospital, my mind entertaining all sorts of terrifying possibilities on the way. I was just coming out of the lift on the fourth floor when I ran straight into Marcia. My heart was racing in my chest, my hands were clammy at my sides, but I’d never been so glad to see anyone in my life.

‘Marcia, how is he?’

‘Oh, Jennifer love. You got my messages.’ She enveloped me in a hug. I wasn’t sure if it was the potency of her floral, sweet perfume or the gusto of her embrace, but I felt my eyes water. ‘I thought you were cross with me and ignoring my messages.’ I heard the wobble in her voice.

‘Oh God no, Marcia,’ I said, feeling like a proper cow. ‘No, not at all. I’ve only just picked them up, Marcia. I’m so sorry,’ I took a step backwards, holding onto her arms, seeing the concern in her eyes. ‘What happened? How is he?’

‘He’s okay, I think. He got up in the night to go to the loo and had a fall. He’s got a nasty cut on the side of his head which they’ve stitched up. They think he’s probably had a mini-stroke.’

‘Oh shit! Can I see him? Where is he?’

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