Page 30 of It's Now or Never

‘No, I wouldn’t, thank you.’

Now was the time to turn on my tail and walk straight out of here, never to come back again. As I later learned, the previous candidate for the job had done. Trouble was, if I did, I knew that Ms Powers would never forgive me and certainly wouldn’t offer me any further assignments. I had a sneaking suspicion I might need Ms Powers more than she needed me at the moment. I just needed to grit my teeth and get on with it andhope these next couple of days would be over as quickly as possible.

‘I can manage perfectly well on my own,’ I said, with a forced smile, taking the outfit from her.

In the changing room, I pulled on some red tights, wriggled my body into the red velour bulbous costume, performing numerous contortions to hoik up the zip at the back, and stuck the green stalk hat onto my head. I observed my reflection in the mirror and grimaced. It certainly did the trick. I was miraculously, marvellously transformed into a tomato. An unhappy tomato. I took a deep breath and pulled back the curtain to the dressing room to a waiting audience which seemed to have doubled in size since I’d walked in there looking like a relatively normal human being.

‘Oh, look at you,’ said the manager, clapping her hands excitedly. ‘You look fantastic.’

‘Like a tomato,’ said a bored young man to the side of her.

The rest of her entourage giggled, affection or pity shining in their eyes, I couldn’t quite make out which, although I suspected they were all obviously hugely relieved that they hadn’t been the ones to be roped into this particular little gem of a job.

‘Come along then,’ she said, handing me a wad of leaflets, ‘let’s get you started.’

Apart from the obvious shame and embarrassment at being cast in the role, I quickly discovered there were a number of pitfalls to being a tomato. Firstly, the material of my costume was so scratchy it brought me out in a rash. Secondly, it was so hot in there that my face quickly took on the colour of the rest of my body – pulsating a lovely shade of scarlet. Thirdly, the cut of my suit made it impossible to walk straight, instead forcing my feet out sideways, giving me an ungainly waddle. Otherwise, I think I did a pretty good job of being a tomato.

Most people gave me a sympathetic smile as they took one of my leaflets, clearly feeling sorry for me and my predicament, and children reacted in one of two ways. Either screaming in horror as the red blob with the silly grin approached them or bringing out the devil in them as they decided I could be their own personal plaything, taking it upon themselves to kick me in the shins, prod at my bulbous middle or calling me names that would make a tomato blush.

Still, I kept reassuring myself that it was only for two days and then I would never have to wear the silly costume again. Next time I’d be a bit more cautious if Polly Powers offered me a job. There would be no more dressing up as vegetables or fruit in my future that was for sure.

On the afternoon of the second day of what was turning out to be the longest assignment in history, I was just wandering around the department trying to offload my leaflets onto any unsuspecting customers when my attention drifted over to the escalator. From the top of the steps Alex Fellows emerged, looking breathtakingly handsome, like a god delivered from high up above to the kitchen department. With his tall and broad physique, highly defined features and dark wavy hair, he would command attention anywhere, but in the humdrum surroundings of a shop floor, his good looks only seemed to be accentuated.

When I saw he was heading over my way, I gulped and quickly turned away, my cheeks flushing a deeper shade of red, if that were possible. I bent down to tie my shoelaces, only realising once I got down there that I didn’t actually have any shoelaces. I held out my hand to the floor to steady a threatening wobble, but because I was so top heavy it was a futile gesture. I had no chance of stopping myself as I toppled over in an ungainly heap –landing on my back, legs akimbo, straight into the path of Alex Fellows.

‘Goodness,’ he said, almost falling on top of me, ‘are you all right?’

He bent down to look at me, but I turned my face into my collar, hoping he wouldn’t recognise me beneath the tomatoey disguise. I attempted to roll over, but I couldn’t get enough momentum and only ended back where I started, my legs swinging wildly in the air.

‘Here,’ he said, and I felt sure I recognised a warm note of humour in his voice. ‘Let me help you up?’

With Alex’s assistance, I clambered to my feet, tucking my chin into my neck and dropping my head to my chest, a very shy tomato now, wondering if I could scoot away without being spotted, but it was no good, Alex was far too perceptive for that.

‘Hey, Jen, that’s not you under there is it?’ He tipped my chin up with his finger and I lifted my head to look into his eyes. Warm bluey/brown/grey eyes that were smiling at me now, matching the big grin spreading across his face. ‘It is you. Well… this is a surprise. Fancy that.’ He fell silent for a moment, his gaze travelling up and down the length of my body. His eyebrows rose as he chewed on the inside of his lip. He was trying desperately not to laugh, I could tell. ‘What are you doing here? And, I suppose an obvious question, but why are you dressed as a tomato? Is this a new career for you now?’

I squirmed in my suit. I couldn’t have turned redder if I’d tried. No wonder Alex looked shocked. I’d have been equally surprised if I’d found him cavorting around somewhere disguised as a vegetable.

‘It’s a favour for a friend. My friend, Polly. She was a bit desperate and asked if I could help her out so I said yes. A friend in need and all that. It’s only for today. Thankfully.’

‘Right, I see. Well, I think I see,’ he said, still smiling. ‘With friends like that… eh?’

‘Yes,’ I forced a laugh, wishing he would go away now. Couldn’t he tell my ritual humiliation was complete?

‘Right, well, I should get on and leave you to whatever it is you should be doing.’ He turned as if to walk away, before turning back again. ‘Oh Jen, I called you, but got your voicemail again. We’re on first name terms now, I’ve spent that long chatting to it. I didn’t leave a message this time, but was wondering if you were free this Saturday.’

I swallowed hard, amazed that an extremely attractive man was asking me out while I was dressed as a tomato. Maybe my powers of attraction were much stronger than I thought.

‘Yes, I think I might be,’ I said, wondering why I was even attempting to appear seductive. I was never going to pull it off in this get-up.

‘Good, how about we head outdoors. A day out in the countryside, would you fancy that?’

‘Sounds good to me.’

‘Great. I’ll pick you up at ninea.m.’ He paused, took a step backwards and looked me over again as if he still couldn’t quite believe it was me he was talking to. ‘Oh, and Jen, do you know something?’

‘What?’

‘You really do make a very fetching tomato.’

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