Page 39 of It's Now or Never

‘The next level?’

‘Yes. Marcia’s come to mean a bit more to me than being just a friend these last few weeks.’

‘Oh, I see,’ I said, not really wanting to think about the implications of that.

‘Being ill like that, so suddenly and unexpectedly, made me realise just how precious life can be. I don’t know how long I’ve got left, love, but I do know I want to make the most of every moment I’m given. Your nan was the love of my life. My soulmate. And no one will ever replace her in my heart. But to be honest with you, I’m not very keen on living on my own and Marcia and I have become very good companions. I thought I might ask her to marry me?’

‘Marry her?’ Hastily I rearranged my features to cover up my complete shock. I felt a physical pain in my chest.

‘I know I said there would be no other woman for me, after your nan went, but I’ve got to face facts, love, your nan’s not here any more and Marcia is. And I think it would make Marcia happy to put things on a more formal footing. But I wanted to talk to you about it first because you know I would never want to do anything that might upset you.’

‘You don’t think it’s a bit soon? Shouldn’t you wait until you know each other a little better. What’s the hurry?’

Gramps gave a small laugh and a disapproving look.

‘Sweetheart, I’m seventy-eight! That’s the hurry! It’s not as though I’ve got a lot of time left, but what I have got I want to spend with the woman I love. What’s so wrong with that?’

‘Nothing, I suppose.’ I’d grown fond of Marcia, yes, but I wasn’t sure I fancied her as my step-grandmother and to hear him say he actually loved her pierced my heart in a way I wasn’t sure I wanted to acknowledge.

‘You know sometimes I’ve felt as though I’ve been holding you back, Jen. That you feel a responsibility for me that isstopping you from living your own life to the full. I don’t want that. To be a burden on you. I’ve got Marcia now to keep an eye out for me. That’s not to say that you won’t always be at the centre of my world. You’re the light of my life, you know that?’ He leant over and tipped my chin with his finger. ‘But I want you to get out there and do your own thing without having to worry about me the whole time.’

‘I’ve never felt you’ve been holding me back,’ I said, trying hard to hide the sadness from my voice. Everything I’d ever done for Gramps I’d only done because I’d wanted to. Maybe it was the other way around and it was me cramping his style. Is that what he was trying to tell me?

‘Sorry, if I’ve made you feel that way,’ I added.

‘Don’t be silly. You’ve nothing to apologise for. You’re the best granddaughter I could ever have wished for. But if I’m going to be marrying Marcia, I would want to do that knowing I had your blessing.’

I took a deep breath, pulled up my big girl knickers and plastered a big smile on my face. ‘If it’s what you want then of course you have my blessing, Gramps. Come here,’ I said, beckoning him over for a hug. ‘I’m really happy for you.’

I buried my head in his woolly cardigan knowing that things would never be the same again. That part of our life, just me and Gramps together – playing Scrabble, going down the club for a pint of beer and a glass of wine, nights spent in watching repeats ofMidsomer Murders– was over. Maybe it was a good thing. If I was ever going to do all those things Mum would have wanted me to I couldn’t be stuck at home every night with Gramps watching telly.

‘I can’t tell you what a relief that is, Jen. I haven’t asked Marcia yet, I wanted to clear it with you first. Honestly, if you’d said to me you didn’t want me to do it, then I wouldn’t go throughwith it. Your happiness means that much to me, Jen, you know that.’

‘Oh Gramps, you’ve got to start putting yourself first. It’ll be amazing, a new chapter in your life. I can just imagine Marcia’s face when you ask her. Have you decided how you might do it?’

‘Well, I won’t be getting down on one knee, that’s for sure. If I did that, I might never get back up again, but I’ll make sure to make a special occasion of it. I’ll take her out to a posh restaurant and propose over a romantic dinner. I don’t know what she’ll say. She might turn me down yet so I wouldn’t start shopping for a new dress just at the moment. We’ll have to wait and see.’

‘Don’t be daft. There’s no way Marcia is going to say no, she’s going to be so thrilled.’

First Angie and now Gramps. Didn’t they say weddings, like buses, come in threes. I gave a passing thought to who might be next.

‘I’m so glad we’ve got that out in the open because I don’t like us having any secrets, do you?’

‘No, of course not.’

Gramps fell quiet for a moment, looking at me gravely from across the table.

‘So there’s nothing you want to tell me about then?’ he asked.

I shifted uneasily in my chair.

‘Er no, why?’

‘Well, I just had an inkling, call it a grandfather’s intuition, that there might be something going on in your life that you’re keeping from me. Not that I want to intrude. I’m sure if there is anything you’ll tell me in your own time.’

There was a mischievous twinkle to his eye and I wondered how he could possibly know. Was it because I’d been going round with a silly smile on my face these last few days or had henoticed a glow to my skin that had been missing in recent months?

I never could keep anything from him.

---