Page 44 of It's Now or Never

I felt the blood drain from my face and a peculiar feeling of lightheadedness come over me. ‘Really? Well, of course… If you’d like me to. I just thought, with it being your first child, you’d want it to be just you and Tom.’

Angie had her lips pursed together before bursting out with laughter.

‘Ha ha, your face! I really had you going there, didn’t I? No, darling, you’re off the hook. I love you dearly but I wouldn’t want you there at the birth of my child because I wouldn’t want to see your worried face looking at me the whole time. You’d be panicking and that would only make me worry more. No, at least I can rely on Tom to be totally unfazed and laid back about the whole thing. That’s if he turns up!’

Relief slumped through my shoulders. I didn’t want to be Angie’s birth partner, or anyone else’s come to that. In fact, if I could arrange it so that I wouldn’t need to be present at the births of my own babies, I would. Of course I would have agreed to stay with Angie if she’d wanted me to, but I really didn’t relish the thought of seeing my friend suffer so much pain and discomfort. I’d much rather cheer from the sidelines, or more pertinently, the pub.

‘Of course he’ll be there!’ And if he wasn’t, I’d physically go and find him, and drag him there screaming and kicking, if necessary. Anything to ensure I wouldn’t have to be his stand-in.

21

Thankfully that wasn’t necessary as when we arrived at the hospital Tom was waiting outside, looking incredibly nervous while practising his pacing up and down routine. My heart lifted to see Alex with him, a strange mix of affection and desire filling every fibre of my body.

‘Do you think we should go and wet the baby’s head?’ asked Alex, after we’d seen Angie and Tom off into the maternity suite, wishing them the best of luck.

‘Aren’t you supposed to do that after the baby’s born?’

‘Yeah, but there’s no harm in starting early. Besides, from what I’ve heard this labour lark can be a long and drawn out process. We’re going to need some sustenance to see us through.’

We found it in the form of a very nice bottle of Chablis and a steak burger, oozing cheese and mushrooms and thousands of calories I didn’t doubt, along with a portion of chunky chips in a lovely little gastro pub in town. We sat in cosy armchairs next to a wood-burning stove and a sense of euphoria engulfed me. My stomach was full, my head was light, I no longer had to go and sit in that grotty little office, my best friend was about to give birthand a gorgeous man was sitting opposite me, smiling fondly. Could it get any better than this?

‘Angie was saying that Tom is a changed man these days, and apparently it all came about after meeting up with you the other night. What on earth did you say to him?’

Alex smiled in that way of his that suggested he knew something I didn’t, which always spoke directly to the depths of my stomach. ‘Oh, you know, it was just one of those man-to-man things. To be honest, I think you had him worried after your run-in with him. We did have a bit of a heart-to-heart. He asked me what I thought and if you might have a point or not.’

‘And what did you say?’

‘I said it didn’t really matter what you or I thought, it was how he and Angie felt about things that mattered. I think it was the first time he’d stopped to think about the enormity of what they’d done. Getting married, moving in together and having a baby, it all happened in such a short space of time and to be honest, I think he found it a little overwhelming. He adores Angie though, that much I do know and he’s desperate not to mess things up this time. I think those conversations we had with him made him stop and think. He wants to be a good dad to their new baby and, do you know, I think he will be. I think he’s done a lot of growing up in these last few months.’

‘Yes, maybe it’s just taken him a little time to get used to the idea.’

‘He’s a lucky guy. And I told him that, but I also told him he couldn’t afford to take things for granted. You can’t go into a marriage with everything that entails and not give it a hundred per cent. Otherwise, what’s the point?’

‘Exactly.’ I smiled, pleased that Alex and I were on the same page. I picked up my cappuccino, taking a sip from the frothytopping. ‘Listen to us. Sitting here as though we’re experts on love and marriage.’

‘Well, it doesn’t seem that difficult to me.’

‘Doesn’t it? You’ve admitted most of your relationships have been short-term affairs. How can you possibly know the first thing about love and marriage? To me it seems like one of the most difficult things you can do in life. How do you know if the other person is the right one for you? When do you know if you’re ready to make that next step to something more permanent, more lasting? How do you know if you can make it work together? There are so many questions and yet there can be no definitive answers.’

I thought I’d had all the answers with Paul, but sadly it hadn’t turned out the way I’d expected it to. I’d been left with a bruised heart and so many unanswered questions, wondering how I could have got everything quite so wrong.

Now Alex narrowed his eyes at me, his mouth chewing thoughtfully on my words. ‘I think when you meet that special one then you just know. Deep down in here.’ He banged his fist on his chest. ‘And then it isn’t a difficult decision at all. You just have to take a chance.’

‘Is that what you’re holding out for then?’

‘Yep, it is actually,’ he said, fixing me with a determined gaze. And just biding his time with me and a whole load of other girls, I didn’t doubt, in the meantime. Is that all I was to him? A diversion, someone to spend a few enjoyable nights with until he met that special girl? I looked away. I couldn’t bring myself to hold the intensity of his gaze, it was far too intimate and intrusive, and hugely disconcerting as well. ‘What’s so wrong with that?’

‘Nothing.’ Of course there wasn’t anything wrong with that. And why I should feel unsettled by his honesty I didn’t know. I’d known exactly what I was getting into when I first hooked upwith Alex. Angie had warned me and Alex had admitted himself he didn’t do long-term relationships. Friends with benefits, isn’t that what they called it. Only how could I have known the benefits were much more addictive and compelling than I could ever have imagined.

‘I was in a long-term relationship once. I do know what that’s all about.’

‘Really?’ I looked at him closely across the table, my curiosity piqued.

‘Yes, don’t sound so surprised. Admittedly it was a long time ago now, but I have been there.’

‘What happened?’ I asked, intrigued.

His brow furrowed, a deep groove settling in the spot between his eyes, which was a much safer place to focus on, I decided.

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