Page 45 of It's Now or Never

‘It ended badly. We were childhood sweethearts. Her parents were great friends of my parents so we kind of grew up together. Went to the same school together, had the same friends, shared birthdays and Christmases. It was kind of inevitable that we would become an item.’

‘Wow! That sounds pretty intense. How long were you together for?’

‘About five years. We got together when we were fourteen and split when we were nineteen.’

‘Why did you break up then? Did you just outgrow each other?’

‘Kind of. We got engaged. Had the big party and then… well basically I realised I didn’t want to be engaged. I was far too young. I certainly didn’t want to be thinking about marriage. I was nineteen and I suddenly woke up to a whole other world out there. I wanted to go travelling, date other girls, basically catch up on all those things I’d been missing out on in my teenage years. You can imagine, it didn’t go down too well with my folks orwith Clare’s family. And, to my great regret, I broke Clare’s heart.’

‘Oh no, that’s hard.’ I could imagine exactly how poor Clare might have felt.

‘It was and of course I became public enemy number one.’

‘But it was hardly your fault.’ I shrugged my shoulders. Nineteen was far too young to know what it was you wanted from life. I was only coming to grips with that now. ‘No one could blame you for breaking up with your childhood sweetheart, not in those circumstances. I can understand you wanting to break free and getting some life experience.’

‘People did blame me though and sadly Clare took it hard. She was very hurt and it affected her badly. She became depressed and had a breakdown. She was even hospitalised for a short while and I know it took her a couple of years to get her life back on track. It damaged the relationship between our two families which had always been very close before. They don’t speak at all now.’

‘Oh no. That’s awful.’ I was seeing a different side to Alex, an altogether softer, more vulnerable side. He was opening up to me in a way that I could never have expected.

‘Yeah, when I look back at that time I wonder if I could have done things differently. For a long time I beat myself up about it for putting everyone, Clare especially, through so much heartbreak. I don’t know if there was some other way I could have done it, a way where I could have avoided hurting Clare but I don’t think so. That’s why I’ve never wanted to make the same mistake again, Jen.’ He picked up my hand from across the table and gave a small smile. ‘After what happened with Clare, I told myself I wouldn’t make any promises or get too involved with anyone, not unless I knew it was going to be something significant, something meaningful. Do you understand what I’msaying, Jen?’

‘Oh yes. Of course I understand,’ I said airily, as though we shared exactly the same intention. I paused and took a deep breath, I was picking up on Alex’s message loud and clear.

‘This is your five-minute warning. If you want to get out of here with your heart intact, please leave the vicinity immediately.’

It wasn’t difficult to understand what he was trying to tell me. It was what I’d already known. That he wasn’t interested in a serious relationship, he was just out for a good time and I could have no cause to take exception to that fact because he’d been nothing but honest with me from the start. Clare had been the unlucky one. She’d had her heart well and truly broken, and Alex was warning me that I shouldn’t allow it to happen to me.

I took my hand away and glanced at my watch, wondering how Angie was doing. She was on the brink of a brand new stage in her life and I was overjoyed for her, but my mood felt dampened now by Alex’s words. What had I been expecting? I’d been telling myself since that very first day I met him not to have any expectations, but all the time the words had been left unsaid there was a sense of anticipation and excitement bubbling inside me. A hope, I realised now, of something more. Alex would be so easy to fall in love with and I’d had a very close call there.

‘Sorry,’ said Alex, ‘I don’t know where that came from. I rarely talk to anyone about those times, I hope you don’t mind me offloading all of that on you.’

‘No, not at all. I’m glad you told me.’

Actually it made a lot of sense. Laying out the rules before you got too involved with someone. Letting people know where you stood. In theory, it made absolute sense but in practice I wasn’t certain it worked at all.

‘Crikey, is that the time? I really ought to get home. It’s been a long day and I know I won’t get much sleep tonight waiting on atext from Tom or Angie to come through.’ I pulled out my credit card and placed it on the bill.

‘No, absolutely not. This is my treat. You can take me out some other time. How about that?’

I raised my eyebrows and shrugged. Would there be another time? What was it Alex had told me the other night? Something about there being no point in hanging around if you knew a relationship wasn’t going anywhere.

‘Thanks, Alex,’ I said with a cool smile. I had to give it to him, he was an expert at dating, but then I supposed he’d had plenty of practice. He was kind and courteous and generous, all of those things and many more. Everything a girl would want in a date and a boyfriend, come to that.

Outside, he put an arm around my waist, pulling me into his side. I was beginning to wonder if he selected his aftershave purely for its seductive properties. His scent was intoxicating and his touch sent a delicious nugget of anticipation swirling around my stomach. His lips hovered teasingly close to my mouth and despite everything I knew about this man I couldn’t help myself from standing on tiptoes to kiss him, his mouth responding instinctively to mine. I kissed him, as if we were discovering each other for the first time, biting, nibbling, exploring, not caring for a moment that we were standing in the middle of the high street, nor worrying who might see us like that, like two lovestruck teenagers. I wanted to consign his delectable taste to my memory so that I would never forget the exquisiteness of his kisses. He pulled away, running a hand along the side of my face, his eyes devouring me in their usual hungry manner.

‘Look, let’s get a taxi back to mine, you can’t drive, not after what we’ve had to drink tonight. I can bring you down in the morning to collect your car.’

Thoughtful, so very thoughtful, but with an eye for the mainchance, obviously. I didn’t need anyone else to tell me that, I was quite capable of working out just what Alex was like for myself.

‘Actually, I’m going straight home. I’ve got a few jobs I need to do. It’s been a lovely evening, Alex, but I really have to go.’ I just needed to hang onto the tiny bit of resolve I had left.

‘Don’t go, Jen. I really want to be with you tonight. More than anything. Come back with me. Please.’ His thumb stroked my cheek, his breath warm against my ear, his other hand finding my waist and a shiver of desire ran down the length of my body.

Was this how all those other girls had felt? Swept off their feet, full of hope and desire not just for the night ahead, but for some kind of future with this undoubtedly gorgeous man. I didn’t want to go the way of teardrop earring girl, here one day and then her memory consigned to some forgotten jewellery on a bedside cabinet.

I kissed him again, just as fervently, just as urgently. I kissed him as though it were for the last time. ‘Sorry Alex, I really have to go.’

This dating lark was easy as long as you just remembered a few ground rules.

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