Page 49 of It's Now or Never

‘I don’t have a tango instructor.’

‘Yes, but you might have one in a year’s time. And then where will I be?’

I laughed, feeling slightly ridiculous and reprimanded now by the gentle coercing tone to Alex’s voice.

‘The thing is, Jen, I’m not a clairvoyant. None of us can know what the future has in store for us, but I reckon some things are worth taking a chance on and I would hope that you might think that we, you and me, are worth that chance.’

I pondered that thought for a moment. The heat of the sun on my back was much more insistent now and, aided by the restorative effects of the pink champagne, I’d felt the muscles in my back and neck relax into the contours of the sofa. I’d wanted to change my life and I was beginning to do that in certain areas. Maybe it was time to take a chance too in my personal life.

‘Ah,’ I stuck my finger in the air, hit by a moment of blinding realisation, ‘but you see, I knew there was a good reason for me not to trust you.’

He screwed up his face at me, the unasked question all too evident in his features.

‘You told me when we first met that you had special psychic abilities. Don’t you remember? You looked at my palm and told me you could see my whole future laid out in front of me. Are you now saying that was all an elaborate charade just to get me into bed,’ I said in mock outrage.

Alex dropped my hand and tipped his head back, his gaze landing on the ceiling. He inched himself back along the sofa putting some distance between us.

‘I do remember that! And the note I wrote to you. And, frommemory, everything I put in that letter I would still stand by today. But sometimes you have to give fate a helping hand and if you’re not prepared to do that, Jen, then there isn’t really much more I can say.’ Frustration tempered his words. ‘I’ve tried, Jen, really I have, but if you don’t want this, us, then however sad that makes me, I have to respect your decision.’

He stood up and I felt a disproportionate amount of disappointment swelling in my body.

What was he doing? Where was he going? I wanted to grab him by the arm and pull him down next to me again. This conversation was only now beginning to get interesting.

‘Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find that gorgeous goddaughter of mine again for one of her lovely cuddles.’

23

The calls and texts from Alex stopped in the weeks following the christening and while I’d mentally prepared myself for that eventuality, I was surprised by the depth of the regret and disappointment I felt at not seeing his name light up on my phone, at him not being there – a small shining light in my life, offering a beacon of hope, anticipation and hugely enjoyable sex.

I was still busy temping, making plans for the future, helping Gramps with some important and time consuming shopping, redecorating my flat, but in amongst all the busyness there was still a sense of loss for something that I hadn’t even realised I’d had.

I thought about Alex all the time, wondering if I hadn’t been a complete and utter fool by not heeding his words and giving our fledgling relationship a chance. I suspected he wouldn’t be mooning around, wasting any time on wondering what I was doing or who I was doing it with. He wasn’t that type. He’d laid down a pretty good campaign, had given it his all, but had known when to walk away when he thought there wasn’t a hope.

‘Jen, darling, are you here? Or are you off with the fairies?This is my first night out since the baby was born but I’m wondering if I might have been better off staying home with Liberty. She certainly would have been more entertaining company.’

‘Oh God, I’m sorry,’ I said, snapping back into the moment, realising I’d been wrapped up in my own thoughts for the last half an hour.

‘Look I’ll tell you what, this place is a bit of a dump.’ We’d found ourselves in a pub which was tired and past its best, full of mainly young loved-up couples eating their steak and chips, and felt slightly out of place. ‘Let’s go somewhere else, somewhere a bit more happening, a bit more hip, a bit more us.’

I giggled. I wasn’t sure we were any of those things, but I was happy to move on.

‘I know somewhere,’ I said, decisively. ‘There’s a really nice wine bar down by the river.’ I hadn’t been there since the day of the wedding, but now I had a burning, over-riding desire to go there again. I wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t as if Alex would be there. Or that silly note would still be waiting for me behind the bar. But I just knew I needed to go there, now, tonight, dragging Angie along with me, screaming and kicking, if necessary.

‘Oh, this is much better,’ said Angie, when we arrived. She led the way through the doors and I followed her, with still a tiny part of me expecting to see Alex sitting at a table waiting for me.

‘Ah, Miss Faraday,’ he would say, James Bond like. ‘I’ve been expecting you. Come and sit down beside me. I have something for you.’

My head even did a quick scan around all the nooks and crannies of the wine bar just to double-check if he was there or not and there was a ridiculous sense of disappointment when I realised he wasn’t. What could I possibly have been expecting?

‘I’ll go and order, Ange.’

‘Don’t worry, they’ll be over in a minute.’

‘No, it’s okay,’ I said with a smile, completely ignoring Angie’s puzzled expression. I wandered over to the bar and ordered two glasses of Prosecco from the young good-looking barman, peering over his shoulder at the extensive well-stocked bar.

‘There you go. That’s fifteen pounds, please.’

He handed over the payment terminal and I tapped it with my card, deciding, in that moment, if I didn’t do it now then I never would.

---