Page 20 of The Forever Cottage

Tess popped back into the kitchen to make the drinks, grateful to have something to occupy her mind. She was still reeling from her run-in with Charles, turning over the words he used.My house. A slip of the tongue perhaps, but it couldn’t disguise the way he truly felt about Hollyhocks Cottage and the way he’d insisted he needed to know what was going on. She resented the idea that she needed to defer to him as she had always done throughout their marriage, that he retained a level of control over her even when he was allowed to do exactly as he pleased. Knowing her husband as she did, she couldn’t imagine that he would change any time soon. Maybe she needed to be the one to bring about the change. She might not have had any say in Charles’s recent decisions which had impacted hugely on her life, but from now on, she would take control of her future and if the only way of doing that was to make her separation from Charles a permanent fixture then she was more than prepared to do it.

She took the mugs and rejoined Rob in the garden. Was she mad to have invited this relative stranger into her home? Admittedly, on the first night that he’d arrived, she’d had a moment of panic when she’d realised she hadn’t told a soul about her new lodger, a reckless thing to do, she considered as she’d peered out into the garden into the dark of the night, seeing the annexe illuminated behind the paned double doors. She hadn’t wanted to deal with the inevitable questions, being interrogated about the wiseness of her act of kindness, even from her closest friends and family. She would tell them in her own good time.

So she’d double-checked the doors, making sure they were locked, chiding herself for her paranoia, but still feeling relieved on waking up the next morning and realising that nothing bad had happened. As she’d been making her tea, she’d spotted Rob heading out of the gates and walking down the lane and she’d relaxed, realising she’d been right in trusting her instincts. It was a routine that he’d followed every day since, leaving the cottage early every morning, his distinctive broad frame striding off into the distance, not returning until several hours later, and she took comfort from his quiet comings and goings.

‘Great, thanks,’ he said now as she handed him a mug of tea and they sat together on the bench in the herb garden. She felt compelled to ask him about his daily routine.

‘I’ve noticed that you’re an early riser. Do you go somewhere in particular?’

He turned his head to observe her and she noticed the warm, bluey-grey tone to his eyes.

‘I like to walk. I head out into the countryside and go wherever the mood takes me, mainly across to the woods. There’s acres and acres of trails that you can follow and it’s easy to lose yourself in the scenery. I love being alone amongst the trees – if that doesn’t sound too weird,’ he said, flashing her a sideward glance and she gave a slight shake of head in understanding. ‘Being outside, alone with my thoughts, gives me the chance to get my head straight. It’s the cheapest kind of therapy.’ He grinned.

‘I get that completely. I don’t walk as far as you, but I know that if I’m having a bad day or feeling a bit low then getting outside with Barney always lifts my spirits. To be honest with you, I’m not sure what I would have done without that daft dog these last few months.’

As if knowing he was being spoken about, Barney got up from where he’d been stretched out on the grass and came along to join them, planting himself against Tess’s legs. His brown, black and white markings, soft ears and long, white socks made him a very handsome boy and Tess couldn’t help smiling as she ruffled his fur. ‘He gives me a reason to get up and out in the mornings and brings a structure to the day which is reassuring. He’s also great company and makes me laugh with his madcap antics.’

‘We had a dog at home. A black, flat-coated retriever called Mac. He was my best buddy and like you, I used to walk him daily so I miss him a lot.’ He fell silent for a moment. ‘Don’t get me wrong, I miss the kids too, of course,’ he added, smiling. ‘But I know I won’t lose them from my life. The dog, well, it’s different.’

‘That’s tough,’ Tess said, recognising the parallels between her own situation and Rob’s, plus the differences too. She didn’t really know what to say. Everything sounded trite and clichéd in her head. ‘How are your children? How are they dealing with the situation?’

‘It’s hard to tell,’ he said, cupping his chin between his thumb and forefinger. ‘They seem okay. I’ve tried to explain to them why I acted in the way that I did, that I realise now that it wasn’t the best way of handling the situation. How if you do something wrong then there are consequences to pay. They’re teenagers, I like to think they understand that their dad is human, that he makes mistakes like everyone else, but I don’t know if they just think their dad is a bit of a tosser.’ His mouth twisted in a smile. ‘They’re still talking to me, which is a bonus, I guess.’

Tess liked Rob’s self-deprecating manner, the way he took responsibility for what he’d done. She supposed all those nights living beneath the stars had given him plenty of thinking time.

‘It’s true. We all make mistakes and look back on things we’ve done and wish we’d behaved differently, but sometimes, in the heat of the moment, it isn’t always easy to do the right thing. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.’

‘That’s true,’ he said. ‘Although as much as I regret all the hassle it caused, I don’t actually regret what I did to Jack’s car.’

Tess shot him a look of surprise.

‘You don’t? Not after everything you’ve been through?’

‘No, he deserved it. It was worth it to see that smug look wiped off his face.’ He gave a nonchalant shrug. ‘Also, in a way, it gave me a sense of closure on the relationship. I was angry, and felt totally out of control, and hitting out at what was clearly his most prized possession, something he valued even more than my wife Jennifer, well, it gave me back a small bit of control. Does that make sense?’

‘I suppose, although I think you paid a heavy price for that small moment of triumph.’

‘I did, but… it’s done now. It’s in the past and I’m ready to move on with my life.’

‘I can certainly relate to that. When Charles left, I was in a complete state of shock and denial. I hadn’t seen it coming and one of the worst things I felt was a sense of powerlessness. I was so angry, but helpless to do anything about it. I couldn’t change things, even if I’d wanted to. Charles’s mind was made up. Part of the process, I suppose, is accepting what’s happened and taking back control of your own life and carving out a new future, even if it’s one you never really wanted.’

‘Well, I hope you find the future you’re looking for. You deserve it. You’re a kind and lovely lady.’ He turned the intensity of her gaze on her, his warmly expressive eyes lingering a moment, which caused a chill to travel down her limbs. She rubbed at her arms. ‘It’s not everyone who would take in a dodgy reprobate and give him a chance.’

His smile lit up his dark features and she couldn’t help but smile in return.

‘You make it sound as though you’re a hardened criminal with a whole string of misdemeanours behind you.’

‘Well, if I can’t trade on my small moment of notoriety then what’s the point? I’ve got to take something away from that experience. A bit of street cred, maybe.’

‘Seriously though, do you think that experience changed you? Did you learn anything from it?’

‘Oh definitely. I learned it’s probably not a good idea to give into your base instincts, however much you’re provoked. It’s given me time to look at my life and work out what’s important. Looking back, I realise that it wasn’t my business or the successes of my career that had given me the most satisfaction over the years, but my family and my children. I wished I’d spent more time at home with the kids, time that I can’t get back now, instead of working all hours on the pretence that I was doing it for the family when really it was more of an ego thing. Admittedly, Jack and I built up the business from nothing, the pair of us working from a small office above a shop, into one of the leading design agencies in the area, employing over fifteen staff. We’d moved into bigger offices and rode high on our success, had some great team days, Christmas parties and enjoyed the fruits of our success, but at what cost? Maybe if I’d put as much time and effort into my marriage then Jennifer wouldn’t have felt the need to look elsewhere.’

‘You don’t know that. It’s always tempting to look back and wonder how things might have panned out if you’d done things differently, but you can never be certain that anything would have changed. I’m guilty of that myself, wondering if I hadn’t taken Charles for granted, if I hadn’t slid into middle age wearing a variation of the same outfit every day, comfy slacks and a blouse, if I’d been more interested or interesting, then Charles would never have strayed, but I quickly realised you can’t constantly torment yourself with those kind of thoughts.’

‘Nope. If it’s any consolation, from where I’m standing, you’re great as you are, just lovely. Don’t put yourself down.’

‘Thanks, Rob.’ A smile spread involuntarily across her lips. It had been a long time since anyone had complimented her in that way. Did Rob really see her like that or was he just being kind? She certainly appreciated his candour. ‘What are we like, the pair of us? Moaning about our exes.’

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