Page 51 of The Forever Cottage

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Of all the scenarios Tess had imagined, this hadn’t been one of them and Hannah’s starkly delivered words rendered Tess speechless. She played them over in her head, wondering if she misunderstood or if there could be any other explanation, but Hannah’s heightened emotional state and the pale translucency to her skin only confirmed what she had told her was true. Everything fell into place now.

‘Well, say something then!’ Hannah demanded.

‘Sorry, I was just taking it in. It’s a bit of a shock, that’s all,’ she said, placing a hand to her chest.

‘I know. How do you think I feel? You’re disappointed, aren’t you? I knew you would be. I’m disappointed too. I told you I was stupid. I’ve ruined everything.’

‘What are you talking about?’ Tess turned and took Hannah’s face between her hands, looking at her imploringly. ‘I could never be disappointed in you.’ Tess was finding it hard to find the right words, struggling to take in the enormity of the situation, what it would mean for Hannah, what it would mean for herself. She grimaced involuntarily. ‘I’m guessing this wasn’t planned.’

‘No, of course it wasn’t planned,’ she said, snapping at her mum. ‘Sorry.’ Her shoulders sagged in a heavy sigh. ‘I don’t know how it happened. Well, I do, obviously. Do you remember when I was sick with that tummy bug? Well, apparently, I should have taken extra precautions then.’ She shrugged, lifting her hands to the sky in a gesture of disbelief.

‘Well.’ Tess rallied herself. She had to put her own feelings aside and concentrate on Hannah, who was clearly in a state of turmoil. ‘I know you’re shocked and upset, but I promise you, we can find a way to make this work. We’ll get through this together,’ she said, taking hold of Hannah’s hand in hers.

‘But Dad will lose his shit. And what will Grandma say? How is Grandma? I’ve missed her so much and now she’s going to be so cross with me when she finds out what I’ve done.’

‘I think you’re hugely underestimating your grandma. And in answer to your question, she’s fine. She had a bit of an infection recently, but she’s over that now and back to her incorrigible self. She’s counting down the days until she sees you again.’

‘Oh God! And I’m supposed to be starting my teacher training in September. I had so many plans. So many things I want to do.’

‘I know, darling, but you know what they say about best-laid plans.’ She gave a wry smile, attempting to lighten the mood, but Hannah was deep within her own despair. ‘And don’t worry about Dad and Grandma. They both love you and want what’s best for you, and after the initial shock, they’ll be absolutely fine. As for your teacher training, who knows, you might still be able to manage it, depending on the timings, or you could even defer it for a year. There must be lots of options.’

‘I don’t even know yet if I want this baby,’ she said petulantly.

‘Well, that’s entirely your decision. All I would suggest is that you spend some time decompressing, relaxing and looking after yourself; everything else will fall into place. You’ll come to the right decision.’

‘Will I?’ said Hannah, looking doubtful.

Tess nodded, certain that she would, given time and the space to process everything. As for Tess, she couldn’t influence her daughter’s decision; she could only be there at Hannah’s side to support her in whatever step she took. ‘What about Billy?’ she dared to venture cagily.

‘He doesn’t want to know. As soon as he found out I was pregnant, he took a huge backwards step. Told me he wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. Huh! And he thinks I am? It isn’t fair; he can just walk away without so much as a backwards glance. I love him, Mum. I thought he loved me too.’

Tess’s heart ached for her daughter, knowing the pain and heartbreak of a shattered love affair. She pulled Hannah into her embrace, stroking her hair to try and soothe her pain, but her helplessness and impotency in the face of her daughter’s obvious torment frustrated her.

‘It will be all right, won’t it, Mum?’ Hannah asked, turning to gaze up at her mum, her freckles dotted across her nose, making her look so much younger than her twenty-two years.

‘Everything will work out fine, you’ll see.’

* * *

In the following days, they hunkered down at Hollyhocks Cottage, shutting out the outside world and enjoying each other’s company, making up for lost time. They chatted occasionally about Hannah’s pregnancy, but mostly about everything else under the sun: Tess and Charles’s impending divorce, Tess’s hopes for the future, the ‘four musketeers’ and their many plans for weekend breaks and summer holidays. They also discussed Hannah’s plans: how excited she was to start her course, to meet new people and to settle down to the career that she’d dreamed of ever since she was a small girl.

They ate easy simple food prepared by Tess that delighted Hannah, when she wasn’t feeling nauseous: quiches and salads, baked salmon with minted new potatoes, macaroni cheese, and pizzas made in the outdoor pizza oven. Late into the evening, they would binge-watch trashy TV series, becoming totally invested in the lives of Australian singletons intent on marrying complete strangers in relationships that looked doomed to fail even before the wedding day was over.

‘Oh jeez!’ Hannah had exclaimed, laughing. ‘And I thought I’d made some dodgy decisions.’

The uncharacteristically warm and sunny weather meant that they spent a lot of time sitting in the garden too and when Hannah was feeling tired or needed some alone time, she would head to the garden room and curl up on the daybed, pulling a light blanket over her legs.

Tess would venture out early morning or late evening to walk Barney in the lower temperatures, avoiding Dilly and tracing the route that she had followed with Rob. It gave her time to get her thoughts in order, relishing the solitude and the sensation of the warm air prickling at her skin. Invariably, as she came across those places that she had stopped at with Rob, when they’d taken mindful moments to admire the scenery, she would be reminded of their conversations, their laughter and the time they’d spent together.

If she was being honest, she was surprised that she hadn’t heard from him. That he hadn’t dropped her a text to tell her how the new job was going or to ask how she was doing. Isn’t that what friends were supposed to do or had she only imagined an emotional closeness and intimacy between them? She’d been sorely tempted to text him herself, but she hadn’t wanted him to feel indebted to her. He didn’t have to keep in touch just because she’d helped him out once. Not if he didn’t want to. Their connection had resonated with her deeply, but perhaps it hadn’t been the same for Rob. Maybe he hadn’t even given her a second thought since he’d left, too busy as he was carving out a new path. She was beginning to realise that perhaps she couldn’t trust her instincts in the way that she had once done.

Besides, she was far too caught up in her own head, worrying about Hannah and anticipating Charles’s reaction, to think about anything else. Selfishly, she was thinking about herself too and how Hannah’s news might impact on her own life, especially now that she was making plans for a future that should be more independent and carefree. Still, she was determined not to relay those concerns to her daughter. Not yet, although admittedly, she would be relieved once Hannah felt in a position to speak to Charles and Marjorie so that she didn’t have to carry the full burden of Hannah’s secret herself. After all, she wouldn’t be able to avoid Dilly and her friends for very much longer.

It was a couple of days later when Hannah came down to breakfast looking much more like the girl who had jetted off to Australia all those weeks ago. She’d washed and styled her blonde hair, and instead of tying it back in a tight bun had allowed it to fall onto her shoulders. Her skin looked brighter too and there was a light in her eyes that had been missing since she’d arrived home. Gone were the dreary old tracksuit bottoms and baggy t-shirts, replaced by a simple, yellow sundress that showed off her bronzed arms and legs.

‘Well look at you! You look as fresh as a daisy. Come here.’

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