I sat up with a start – and a groan at the loud complaints from my body. Looking around frantically for her, I found I was alone in my room.
Had she left? Already?
That possibility got me out of bed in an instant and I threw on a tracksuit, hopping into the hall while pulling on my socks.
The kitchen was empty, with only the lingering scent of chicory coffee. The dining room was too. Racing for the front door, I noticed her sneakers were gone and my heart rate kicked up again. Shoving my feet into the first pair of my shoes I found, I dashed outside into a crisp, sunny day. I hobbled across the garden like an old man, thinking Lori wouldn’t exactly congratulate herself for knowing me just then and perhaps it was for the best if she’d called her father and was already on her way back.
Damn, I was even more of a loser than I’d thought. She’dcome home with me – even if it had been under false pretences – she’d touched me and stretched out next to me and all I’d done was fall asleep! If she was gone—
What could I do? I’d never expected she would stay. It didn’t make any sense that my heart was in my throat as I scanned the property for signs of life, ignoring the bright yellow rapeseed field at the back and the rolling hills of home that were usually a comfort, regardless of whether I won or lost.
Hearing voices in the barn – Maman’s measured tones with animated replies from Mamie – I shuffled in the direction of the bleating, no idea what I’d say to them if I discovered she’d gone.She was too good for me anyway… wouldn’t work on my biggest cheerleaders.
I also couldn’t admit the embarrassing truth:We didn’t actually have sex. That wasn’t my greatest disappointment either, although I had vivid, physical memories of touching her skin, dewy from exertion, of hearing her hitched breaths as a secret language only I could interpret. I just… didn’t know what this was.
With a sigh, I swung open the door of the new barn – Maman’s pride and joy – to a sight that was close to the last thing I expected.
Chapter 24
Seb
I was screwed.
I hadn’t thought it possible that Lori could get any more beautiful than when she was naked and begging me to touch her, but with hay in her hair, holding a baby goat, she could have come right out of my deepest fantasies –my downfall, wherever that melodramatic thought came from.
She was perfect on a bike, her body as powerful as it was beautiful. She was a dream in bed – either blowing my mind or just stroking me to sleep. And now I had to watch her smile brightly at my family as though she belonged in this picture.
I should have told her not to getmyhopes up. She was in a different place to me – younger, tougher, more motivated and successful. She would be gone from my life even before my retirement. But she wasn’t in a different place right now. She was right in front of me and I wanted to take her face in my hands and kiss her the way we’d kissed at the finish line yesterday.
This was bad.
‘Bonjour, sleepyhead!’
Still in a daze, I turned to find Denise grinning at me from behind her broom handle. Luckily, I wasn’t racing, because my reaction time was atrocious.
‘Salut, little sis,’ I managed, looping an arm around her neck when she approached to press a kiss to my cheek. ‘Where are the petits?’ I tried to keep my focus on her, but my gaze kept straying to Lori, as did my feet when I let go of Denise.
‘Alice is at school and Maël is… somewhere here.’
‘Tonton!’ Wobbly steps finally wrenched my attention from Lori and I hefted my nephew into my arms when he threw his little body in my direction. He always felt like the meaning of life and I still wasn’t sure if I was pleased or resented my sister for procreating and doing this to me.
‘Hé, petit gars,’ I murmured into his forehead, giving him a squeeze.
‘Nori!’ he said earnestly, pointing at Lori, and even the baby was conspiring to bring me to my knees.
‘Lori,’ I corrected him gently.
Meeting her gaze, a hundred questions seemed to pull tight in the air between us and I still couldn’t breathe properly. She wanted different things – from me, in life. She wanted to use me for team PR. Gulping around my tight throat, I raised my eyebrows at her and jerked my head in the direction of the door, setting Maël back on his feet in the hay.
Feeling my family’s curious gazes, I led her out of the barnso we could talk in private, fisting my hand to stop it from grabbing hers.
Scratching the back of my neck as my chest burned, all I managed to say was, ‘I thought you might have gone already.’
‘Nope. Still here.’
God, I wanted to kiss her, but I thought I was supposed to be angry with her. ‘I can take you back to Roubaix,’ I offered instead.
‘I don’t really want to see my dad or my brother right now.’