Page 68 of Head Over Wheels

Staring up at him with my chin on his chest, I said, ‘You enjoyed that, didn’t you?’

‘A little,’ he admitted playfully. ‘It’s easy to impress a bunch of kids.’

‘You impressed me.’

‘Really?’ Clearing his throat, he dropped his voice. ‘I mean, sure I did, baby.’

‘You’re only allowed to call me that in bed.’

He chuckled and rested his head on mine. ‘You have to stop getting my hopes up. Remember you’re not Belgian and I’m not allowed to date you.’

He was joking, but it got to me anyway. ‘Yeah, because you want to retire and live in your stone house and takeguests at your fucking B&B canoeing instead of racing another season with me.’

His fingers tightened in my hair. ‘It’s not about you, Lore,’ he said gently, but again, his words hurt. ‘And you can be certain while I’m dealing with the mess of my retirement next year that I’ll be wishing I was still with you – and watching every single one of your races, even though it hurts.’

I froze, horrified that my eyes stung afresh. ‘Shut up,’ I said, searching for the stubbornness I needed now more than ever. ‘I’m still here. Right now, I’m here.’

His hand on my cheek was rough, holding my face up to his. ‘I know,’ he said, his eyes roaming my face as though my freckles and fake teeth and strong jaw could be exactly what he wanted in a woman.I couldn’t take my eyes off you.‘You’re here, for now.’

When he kissed me, it was unbearably soft – slow and aching and here was LoonieDunes again, my safe space, myfriend, and the kiss was just as devastating as anything we’d done last night and this morning.

Maybe I’d stay another day. And then another?

Just when I was starting to believe in something other than watts and power-to-weight ratio and gradient, a voice sounded behind us and I wrenched away in shock – and yeah, embarrassment.

‘Well, this wasn’t what I was expecting to find, Molly!’

My priority became keeping Dad away from Seb for long enough to smooth things over. If I made his place in the teamtoo awkward, I’d never forgive myself, especially because I didn’t want him to retire.

But that meant keepingmeaway from Seb too. After an inadequate farewell to Rôsine and Albertine, I’d encouraged Dad to bundle me back into the car and, before I’d forgotten the feeling of Seb’s hands on my face, we were heading back to Roubaix as though nothing had happened.

I clutched my phone in my lap, wanting to write a message to Seb, explain something, but I didn’t know what I would be apologising for or whether it would make any sense.

‘I think I… need an explanation, Moll,’ Dad said earnestly as he swerved to change lanes. Years of navigating narrow roads with packs of cyclists had made him a haphazard driver. ‘I had hoped after last year—’

‘This has nothing to do with last year.’

‘Even if you think so, what happened last year is still affecting you,’ he said, gently enough that I couldn’t ignore it. ‘It’s only natural. Your body’s healed – I can measure that. But your heart?’

‘You’re giving Gaetano too much credit.’ I didn’t remember feeling so upside down when I was with my ex, even after he broke it off, but I didn’t want to admit that.

‘He distracted you and look what happened. When you took off with Seb after the race, I was worried about your training schedule – your focus!’

Ah, so not about my heart after all. ‘I worked out this morning. And besides, I dislocated my shoulder, in case you’ve forgotten.’

‘All right, kiddo. I’d just hate to see you hurt by another bloke.’Winners and losers… Both of my parents were worried I was a loser in relationships. And they couldn’t even see the doubts and fears crowding my mind.

‘This has nothing to do with last year,’ I assured him, ‘because it’s fake. Seb and I are just friends, helping each other out.’With a few orgasms.‘We’re doing this for our careers.’

I let that declaration sink in for a silent moment, staring at the road signs as they whooshed past. In a moment of frustration – at myself, for losing control of the fake relationship situation – I pulled up the selfie from earlier today and posted it. No caption. The pic was so cute it didn’t need it and I refused to feel anything.

‘Are you sure you know what you’re doing?’

I whipped up my gaze, worried Dad could see through me to the churning emotion underneath, but he was watching the road.

‘I just don’t want to see you reduced to being “someone’s girlfriend” again, especially given everything you’ve achieved in your own right!’

I hadn’t achieved much recently.

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