Page 75 of Head Over Wheels

My steps faltered, the rubber soles of my sneakers squeaking on the marble tiles. Whatever I’d thought she would say… This was worse.

‘He asked you to talk to me?’

She nodded, her face expressionless.

‘Why? Because we’re “together”?’

‘No!’ she insisted. ‘Because he knows we’re friends.’

‘I meant is that why he wants me to stay in the team.’

‘That has nothing to do with me!’ She’d raised her voice, attracting a handful of disapproving glances from other visitors. ‘You’ve had a great season. Why would you think there was any other reason?’

‘I’m currently helping you draw extra attention to the team for the sponsors. It wasn’t much of a leap.’

‘Seb,’ she said, frustration in her voice, ‘retiring now would be such a waste!’

‘Of what? One year of thirty-five-year-old fitness?’ Iscoffed. ‘I’ve been lucky this year – whether that’s down to you or not—’

‘It’snot!’ she hissed.

I looked at her askance. ‘I’ve had fifteen years of mediocre results, with the occasional breakthrough. A season like this is… not me. You think I’m affecting your head game. Why is it strange to believe you’re affecting mine? If I stayed on next year, it wouldn’t be the same.’ And who could tell what my ‘friendship’ with Lori would look like, if she needed me to perform. The thought pricked me.

‘What if Dad promised to make you lead rider for some of the Classics? You’re good enough for it!’

Rolling my eyes, I countered, ‘He wants me as a domestique for Colin in the Tour. I know how this sport works. You don’t have to dress it up as something else. I don’t crave that recognition anyway – you know that. You just haven’t accepted it because winning is all you know.’ I hadn’t meant that to come out as a criticism, but her flinch suggested she’d taken it that way.

‘You give up too easily – on everything!’ she accused. ‘Even this fake relationship! Two weeks in and you want to plan the break-up.’

‘Someone has to think ahead before we get hurt!’ Before she moved on with her life without me.

‘But your career is now! Take a fucking risk sometimes! There are so many cyclists hitting their prime at your age. Why would you give up now?’

At my age… I didn’t often notice how much younger Loriwas, but she couldn’t understand. She thought I was some kind of exception, when I was just the rule. I grasped her arm, my thoughts swirling. ‘I appreciate that you… want good things for me. And I’m flattered that Tony wants to extend my contract. But it would only be postponing the inevitable and giving me more chances to fail.’And it would give you the chance to walk away from me.

She tugged her arm back. ‘With thoughts like that, youwillfail! Urgh!’

‘I told you I was bad for you. You’re twenty-five. You haven’t even hit your physical peak. You can’t see it yet, but this season is a tiny blip in an impressive career. I’m ready to retire and eat cheese and I shouldn’t be tempting you with waffles!’

‘It’s not your waffles that tempt me,’ she said grumpily.

‘What? Mybuns?’ I turned on her with a severe look.

She sighed through gritted teeth. ‘I knew this wouldn’t go well.’

‘Then tell Tony to talk to me himself.’ Instead of ruining the little time I had with Lori.

‘He’s going to talk to your agent – soon. He wanted me to… soften you up first.’

I eyed her.

‘I know. I’m sorry. But what do you stand to lose?’

‘What do you hope to win by making me stay? We can’t fake a relationship for a whole off-season and it’s difficult enough to find opportunities for actual sex.’

She didn’t have an answer for that. Of course she didn’t.‘It’s not about sex,’ she insisted, snapping her mouth shut when the older couple in the next aisle turned to glare at us.

I headed further along the side aisle, gesturing for Lori to follow. ‘I didn’t want to post anything to my feed because I had no intention of accepting any sponsorship. I went along with this hype for you, so you could get back on your feet without worrying – and maybe kick Gaetano out of your thoughts. But I won’t stay another year for you, even if it’s the only way we could still see each other.’

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