Page 92 of Head Over Wheels

I wasn’t sure I wanted to be ‘Top Gun’ any more. I could be the very human ‘Folklore’ Gallagher, who laughed at corny jokes and felt pain and enjoyed the anticipation of receiving a text message from a special someone and did some stupid things sometimes – like blurting out that she could fall in love with a person who might not return her feelings.

Why had I ever wanted to forget those few months I’d spent living mostly online? I’d been focused on the difficulties – on the grief, the pain. I never appreciated the freedom to find myself, perhaps for the first time in my life.

He’d found me too – and he wasn’t getting rid of me as easily as he might think. Folklore was just as much a fighter. Maybe Folklore would win races too and, if she did, then I could show Seb our relationship was unrelated to my career – and more long-lasting. I could show him that love could be a strength for both of us and not an impediment.

‘I think the intervention worked,’ Leesa said to Doortje in a stage whisper.

‘I didn’t realise we’d done the intervention.’

I chuckled, allowing a few damning tears to leak out. ‘You guys are the best. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have you on my team.’

As they cooed and wrapped their arms around me in a three-way hug, I wasn’t sure I deserved, my phone screen lit up again.

‘Is it him?’

‘I’m sure it’s—’ I frowned when I saw the name pop up. ‘Colin?’

Leesa responded with her usual eye-roll. ‘What doeshehave to say?’

I read the short text from my brother and froze:We’re aiming for a stage win tomorrow – with Seb. I thought you’d want to know. He’s terrible company but refused to text you himself. Maybe he needs a pep talk?

My hair stood on end, imagining him a wreck of nerves, dealing with the pressure he wasn’t used to. I wished I could give him a kiss, poke him in the ribs and say something silly until he smiled – or rolled his eyes. But I wouldn’t give him a pep talk.

In Siena, before the Paris-Roubaix, I’d wanted to give him some confidence – some fight – but really, I’d wanted him to like me and I’d been scared there wasn’t anything to like outside of my career.

He’d shown me my life had more meaning than winning and losing. It didn’t make me any weaker or split my focus. I’d moved a little closer to his point of view, and perhaps he’d moved a little closer to mine. I wished I knew what he was thinking right now, the night before one of the biggest chances of his career. Whether he won or lost, I’d—

Okay, I hadn’t developed that much chill overnight. He’dbetter win. I wanted to see him wipe the others’ faces on the tarmac and then I’d admire his body on the podium.

If he believed in himself enough to go for the win, could he take a chance on me – on us?

Lost in indecision for several minutes, my thumbs hovered over the keypad, my conversation with LoonieDunes on the screen – all eight months of it since the day I collected him from the hills after Colin’s prank, all the cross-purposes and misunderstandings, fears and vulnerabilities. I treasured all of it and the main thing I regretted was telling him not to text me.

I tapped out a message and hit ‘Send’.

19 July 20:52

Folklore: Live long and may the force be with you, my friend.

Chapter 36

Seb

Overanalysing everything on the morning of my stage, I dressed carefully in the precise order my feverish nerves insisted would be lucky and made sure I took an even number of spoonfuls of oatmeal at breakfast. Spending an age meticulously wiping down my bike in the team area near the start, even though the mechanics had already tuned it, I was a mess of jitters.

When Colin strode up to me with a Sharpie, I stared at it with a gulp. I hadn’t drawn anything on my arm since the last ‘X’. I didn’t know what would be appropriate. Everything I thought of felt juvenile, too earnest or meaningless. Quite a lot of things had felt meaningless since that Tuesday when I’d tried to shove Lori out of my life. Nelson and Amir and the others approached, curious to see what I’d choose.

‘Just draw something before I throw the pen at you instead,’ Colin grumbled and I snatched it from him.

Notsomething to remind me of Lori, which was difficult,when just about everything did. I thought of her message last night, that had made me laugh and tied me up in knots all at once. I’d never shared so much with another person that a simple mangling of two different film catchphrases could blow open our entire relationship.

With a deep breath, I drew the first thing that took shape in my mind: a rudimentary female form with balloons attached. Of course it reminded me of Lori, but it wasn’t only about us.

Colin snorted a laugh. ‘The blow-up doll?’

‘Her name’s Matilda,’ I scolded, adding ‘Matilda’ beneath the picture. ‘In honour of my first day on the team.’

Nelson snatched the pen and grabbed my arm, holding it still while he scrawled his autograph onto my skin with a cocky grin, adding ‘May the force be with you’ down my wrist. Amir added some stars. A few minutes later, I had the names of the whole team down my arm and Colin was approaching with a worrying glint in his eye. Working earnestly with the tip of his tongue poking out, he sketched something and then capped the pen with a click.

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