Page 75 of Couple Goals

It’s a strange déjà vu, Maeve watching Kira from the doorway as she runs, fierce as if she is in the throws of a competition, yet all by herself.

Maeve watches her for a moment, Kira’s lithe powerful body darting around, the way she pulls her messy hair back from her eyes, kicking the air, testing out her limits. She remembers the first day she met Kira. How drawn she was to this mysterious and intimidating woman. She still is.

But this time Maeve doesn’t stay on the side in the dark corridor. She closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and walks out to meet her.

Kira stops immediately, breathlessly watching Maeve coming towards her.

‘Choksi,’ she says quietly.

‘Murphy.’

They hold each other’s gaze for a moment. Kira hugs the ball to her chest.

Maeve shakes her head, looking down at her feet.

‘Choksi, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I have been an absolute…’ she shakes her head, searching for a word bad enough to do it justice.‘Fuckwit. I have been a hypocrite, messed you around and hurt your feelings. All the things I used to pride myself on like being level-headed, honest and a good friend, I have completely failed to be with you. And at my worst I have been not only unprofessional but actively mean, trying to turn teammates against you. I’m so sorry. There isn’t a good enough excuse. I can only try to explain what I think was happening. I… You…’

She glances up at Kira whose expression is hard to read. She swallows, wipes her sweaty palms on her shorts.

‘God, I’m so nervous. You make me so nervous. That’s part of it! I– I– I’m a complete mess around you. I’m used to feeling in control, trying to feel in control at least. And then here you are, so powerful and confident and gorgeous and talented and whenever you look at me I–’

Maeve glances at her and, proving her own point, flushes bright red immediately. Kira bites her lip, smiling to herself which Maeve hopes might mean she’s softening towards her but her arms are still folded.

‘Can we… Can we–’ she gestures at the ball Kira’s holding. ‘I think it would… help me be able to talk to you.’

Kira raises an eyebrow, but after a moment nods, and expertly bounces the ball between them, kicking to Maeve.

And so they kick between the two of them, in silence. And at first it feels silly, and Maeve feels embarrassed all over again, for asking for such a silly request, for not being able to just express how she feels like a normal person, especially as her ankle is still recovering, so she is taking it comically gently.

But then her body relaxes a little, the soothing motion of this action so innate in her.

Maeve starts speaking, her words falling between the rhythmic soft tap of their shoes on the ball passed between them.

‘We got off on the wrong foot,’ says Maeve. ‘I realised we never really got to… know each other. It was so intense so immediately. This overwhelming… well, attraction to you–’ Maeve flushes again, and Kira’s face flashes with a smirk. She’s not as good as Maeve at hiding her reactions.

‘And then it was this, right off the bat, we were these rival enemies, you were fighting to steal everything I cared about, being team captain, Coach’s approval, even Adriana’s friendship.’

Maeve sighs.

‘And at first I really thought we were both just matching each other, you know, giving as good as we got, and because we were hooking up at the same time I–’

She glances at Kira who is still infuriatingly silent, just gesturing for her to continue. ‘Well, it was confusing. And hot! Confusing and hot.’

Kira smirks again but then at least does nod, gently tapping the ball back to her.

‘I took our rivalry way too far,’ Maeve owns up. ‘I’m sorry. I completely lost my sense of perspective. I never should have resorted to nasty tactics, never. I don’t know how I persuaded myself it was the right thing to do. I think I was so scared. I felt under so much pressure. My mum–’

Maeve fumbles the ball a little, then shakes her head, really not wanting to make excuses or drag Kira into her family.

‘I don’t mean to dump everything on you or anything. All I’ll say is my whole life, the only thing I’ve been aiming for is to be the best I can be. It’s been one step on the ladder after another. Training to improve, trying to be the best player in each team I’m in until I get promoted to the next one whether that was through the age groups when I was younger or now a club in a higher division coming in for me, and then the next one, and… It’s one thing to aspire to be great, to fulfill your own potential, but… It took all this mess with you and me and Adriana to realise that I– I haven’t even been happy.’

Kira hesitates on the ball, watching Maeve, but she doesn’t seem to notice the ball anymore, lost in what she’s saying to her.

‘I haven’t been happy for a long time,’ Maeve’s voice cracks at the admission. ‘It’s too much pressure, and I’m not letting myself enjoy it anymore. Football used to be my escape, the place I felt most alive. Now it’s just another exam I feel I’m failing at, like I’m on a constant treadmill. I’ve been so focused, so blinkered on this one thing, being Captain!’ She scuffs at the turf with her boot. ‘I feel like such a failure so much of the time, it felt like the only thing I could do, the last thing I had left, was to at least be Captain of the Tigresses.’

Maeve wipes a quick hand over her eyes and wipes the tears off on her shorts. She takes a breath.

‘And meeting you…’

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