Page 8 of Couple Goals

‘Slowest two players... I haven’t learnt your names yet, so I’m just going to point at you. The slowest two players in that exercise were you... and you.’

Everyone stares at her pointing finger like cats fixated by a laser pointer. Coach points first at a devastated Nat, and then at a furious Milo.

‘What are your names?’

‘Nat Basevi, Coach.’

‘Nat Basevi,’ she repeats, tapping it into her iPad. Nat looks crestfallen.

‘And you?’

‘Milo George, Coach. I’m only just recovering from an ankle injury.’

‘How long were you sidelined for?’

‘It was a grade two sprain,’ says Milo. ‘I took six weeks off and missed the end of last season. This is my first week back so I need to build back up in pre-season.’

But if Milo was expecting sympathy from Coach Hoffman because of her own publicised career-ending ankle injury, they have sorely misfired.

‘That should be perfectly sufficient for a grade two sprain,’ says the coach with no emotion whatsoever. ‘If you have an issue with the medical team’s assessment of your injury levels, I will expect to hear that reported through them. If you’re here on the pitch, then I won’t accept any weak excuses. You simply were the slowest in this exercise, Milo. That is a fact. If you don’t like it, be faster next time.’

Milo’s nostrils are flaring again with barely repressed fury. Adriana wishes she could advise them to be a little more respectful to the new coach, but Milo’s frustration at themself always comes out as anger towards others. It’s something that they can harness as a good striker at their best,but might be an issue with a strict coach like Coach Hoffman.

‘And now for the fastest two players,’ says the coach, in the same neutral voice, seemingly unfazed by the tension she’s sent skyrocketing among the team. ‘I will point again. The second fastest was... you. Name?’

‘Zuri Akinyi.’

‘Good work Zuri. Particularly impressive weak foot. Your burpees could do with some additional height though.’

Zuri is a winger so it’s no surprise this drill played to her strengths. Zuri strokes her knotless braids, her grin proud as she nods. Adriana feels a rare flame of jealousy, which she tries to tamp quickly down. These are her friends. They should all be working together. Still. She would be mad not to want that coach’s finger to rest on her as the fastest time.

‘And the fastest player for this exercise was...’

Coach Hoffman seems to savour the drama, drawing out the tension as her finger roams across each hopeful face in the team like she’s on a gameshow. Everyone is silent. Then Coach points to Adriana’s left.

‘Maeve Murphy.’

Maeve doesn’t smile, just swallows, like if anything, more of a burden has been put on her shoulders.

‘As we would expect,’ says the coach. Without lingering, she puts down her decisive arm again.

‘Right. Last exercise for now,’ she continues. ‘Two teams. You’ll be on this 20x20 yard grid. The cones mark a 12 by 6 penalty box in front of each goal. In pairs, we’ll have two strikers aiming to score, and two defenders aiming to prevent them from doing so.Three minutes of play, then swap. I’ll assign you defenders and strikers – your position is irrelevant for this exercise. We’ll do more focused training as per your positions in due course. But I want players who are versatile and up for a challenge. To beat the competition, you all need to be better at every position than every one of the opponents.’

‘First up, the two losers from the past exercises are going to be pitted against the two winners.’

Before this can sink in, the coach is blowing her whistle, and she’s watching Maeve and Zuri go head-to-head with Nat and Milo. Maybe it’s all a psychological game, because while she’s watching, Adriana can see that Maeve and Zuri are far more confident, being the aggressors even when they’re defending. Maybe Adriana is imagining it, but she thinks Maeve’s passing to Zuri is particularly careful, as if she’s trying to make up for the earlier fumble. Luckily, it seems to be working. Adriana watches her best friend rock-solidly defend, showing her class as their best centre-back, clinging to Nat like a relentlessly annoying shadow, allowing Zuri to score. Maeve and Zuri retain possession the whole time, and Milo and Nat don’t manage to score against them.

Milo’s flaring nostrils look like they might catch on fire.

When it’s Adriana’s turn, paired with Rebecca against Charlie and Elisa, it’s neck and neck, but Adriana manages to score a goal. Her relief is short-lived though, as Charlie then scores against Rebecca. In the final few seconds, Adriana is faced with a lightning quick decision: with Elisa already lined up in the goal, she has a chance to score – a 50/50 chance. It’s a simple luck of the draw.Adriana follows her instincts. She pretends to go left, but double-bluffs. And Elisa falls for it. She leaps to the right to defend, but Adriana’s already struck the ball hard to the left, and it hits the back of the net. The whistle blows, and Adriana punches the air in celebration.

‘Yes! Woo-hoo!’

In the whole exercise, Adriana is the only one to score twice, showing her quality as the team’s best creative midfielder. She can’t help celebrating a little further in relief, and perhaps also aiming to lighten the mood a little. Not that she’s really thinking about it – scoring a goal is one of life’s great joys, and Adriana knows how to do that, savouring the moment.

‘Pow pow pow!’

To Adriana’s surprise, as she meets the coach’s eye, her finger guns shooting the air, she is rewarded with a rare smile. It’s even more elating than scoring two goals.

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