Page 81 of Love on the Run

Sincerely,

TrueBlue

Great. One of the biggest up-and-coming boutiques in America didn’t want to work with her. Not only that, but they didn’t care one bit that the day that was supposed to be the happiest of her life was a disaster.

It couldn’t be helped. She couldn’t feature the dress without a wedding, and she would not be getting married anytime soon.

Anna hung her head. She knew exactly the kind of bind she’d put these boutiques in, but she couldn’t change it now. As much as she hated lettingpeople down, this was a necessary step in regaining her independence.

More messages from Brittany came through, but Anna silenced the phone. Even fashion had a dark cloud hanging over it right now.

She got up, changed into comfortable pajamas, and washed her face. Exhaustion was catching up to her again despite the nap she’d taken earlier. When she slipped into the bed and wiggled into the warmth of the covers, her phone rang.

Her mom was calling…again. She hadn’t answered a single one of her mom’s calls since the wedding, and the longer she waited, the worse it would be when she finally confronted her mother.

When the call rolled to voicemail, Anna clicked to listen to the first message from her mother dated the same day as the wedding.

Her mother’s irate voice greeted her, followed by strings of curses and threats. She’d seen her mother angry plenty of times, but this was worse than she’d ever heard. The names her mother called Anna made her want to sink into a deep sea to drown out the sound.

But she wrapped up in the covers and kept on listening—letting every word hit her like a bullet to the chest. The tears came quickly, sliding over her temples and soaking into her hair. She let the sobs have free rein. It was the perfect time to let it all out. No one was around to see her crumble.

There were so many messages. Some were long and hateful. Some were quick and sharp like a bee sting. Yet, Anna let them come. She let the blows hit their target and warp her into a bent and broken mess. Her mom didn’t care that Anna had been betrayed. She didn’t care that Anna was hurting or embarrassed. In Catherine Harris’s eyes, Anna was the one to blame.

There were still more messages waiting, but Anna tossed the phone onto the bed and threw the covers back. She didn’t have to listen to the messages. Her mother was supposed to love her and stand beside her, but Catherine had never been that way.

Anna stormed to the bathroom and wiped her face clean. So what if she didn’t have a supportive mother? She had plenty to be thankful for, and she could still appreciate what her parents had done for her. She’d never wanted for anything, and she’d been allowed to pursue the best education. She had friends who would do anything for her. She had jobs she loved and a home in the best town in the world.

She stepped out of the bathroom with a clean, dry face and spotted Beau’s Bible on the table. She hadn’t even thought to bring hers on the trip, but Beau had brought his despite having only a few minutes to pack. Anna had been using the Bible app on her phone when they read together in the mornings over breakfast.

That was what she wanted. That was the happiness she should have been chasing all along. Love from an earthly man wasn’t going to fill the hole in her heart. She needed Jesus. Only Jesus.

She sat at the table and brushed a hand over the worn cover. Beau’s Bible wasn’t pretty and pristine. The front cover had a slight hump in it, and some of the pages were bent.

Slowly, she opened it, only to find the spine separated from the pages. The title page was covered in scratchy writing. Verses, dates, and phrases covered the page. Things like “Shut up and listen” made her chuckle, while phrases like “Jesus wins” made her stop and stare in awe. Along the crease of the page was written, “Thank you for another day that I haven’t earned and don’t deserve.”

As she scanned the page, one note stood out to her.

“Help. Psalm 34: 17-18”

Anna quickly flipped to the verses and read them aloud. “When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”

That was her problem. She hadn’t taken her anxiety to God. She hadn’t asked Him to help her through it. She hadn’t thanked Him for unanswered prayers. She’d been trying to do it all herself. Nowonder she was lost. She’d turned her back on the One who promised to walk with her through everything.

Letting her chin fall to her chest, Anna closed her eyes and prayed aloud. “God, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I forgot about You. I’m sorry I haven’t let go of my own selfish wants. I’m sorry I’ve been so caught up in being loved that I forgot I already am.

“Thank You for staying, even though I don’t deserve Your love. Thank You for sending amazing friends.

“God, what I really need is You. I need to trust You, and I hope I can do that.” She sniffed and wiped her cheek. “I don’t want to live alone anymore, but I don’t want to go against Your plan for me. Can You guide me? Show me when I’m on the wrong path, and encourage me when I’m heading in the right direction? I just want to do things right. For You.

“Yes, I want a man to love me, but only if it’s the man that You know is right for me.”

Images of Beau flashed in her mind. Sitting with her after she passed out and helping her after she injured her wrist. The way he listened when she spoke and encouraged her when she was afraid. Beau had been pointing her to God through all of this, and she’d been too self-absorbed to see it.

His name was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t force another decision when she was asking God to show her the way. She wanted Beau tobe the man God had in mind for her, but His will was greater than her desires. Beau might be selfless and kind at every turn, but was he just the man God put in her path when she needed him most?

The proposal at dinner was fake, but she desperately wanted it to be real. If she was going to give it to God, she had to let go of all her own wants. If Beau was the man for her, God would show her.

Finally, the truth sank in. God had provided for her over and over again throughout her life, and He would continue to do it. Whatever He had in mind for her was better than her own desires.

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