Page 112 of Fielder's Choice

”Iknow.And honestly, I’m really fucking proud of you.”

Olive gazes at me with pure affection, letting me feel everything she feels.

She’s excited and nervous, but she’s optimistic.

Sheknowsshe can do this.

And she knows she has all of my support.

forty

Olive

“Iamcourageous.Iam loved. I am not my trauma.”

Corinne smiles at me and sets her clipboard down. “In the more than five years you’ve been seeing me, Olive, that’s the most optimistic you’ve ever sounded.”

I can’t help but smile. “Everything has been going really well lately. My life has been so much fun.”

“Have you been seeing your friends?”

“Yeah,” I answer, pulling my ponytail over my shoulder. “We had a girl’s night recently, and it was a lot of fun. I actually told them about… him… and what I’ve been through.”

“And how did they react?” she asks, adjusting her glasses.

I chuckle as I think back. “Harlow was ready to grab the pitchforks. Lucia was raging. And Ella and Rory were pissed. They were all really supportive.”

Corinne’s features soften. “It’s wonderful that you felt comfortable enough with them to open up, Olive.”

“It felt really nice to get it off my chest,” I admit. “I don’t think I realized how much it was still weighing me down.”

“You’re doing so well. Has anything interesting happened lately? Are you still seeing Lane?”

I bite my bottom lip. “Yeah, we’re still seeing each other, but we still haven’t given ourselves a label. He’s, uh… teaching me about intimacy, though.”

“Teaching you?” She raises her eyebrow questioningly.

“Yeah,” I reply, fidgeting with my hands. “I don’t want to be scared of sex, and I know I need to work my way up slowly. Since I don’t know what I’m doing, I asked Lane to help me learn. He’s actually the one who taught me how to get myself off.”

“So, he’s helping you have orgasms.”

“Yes,” I say with a breathy laugh. “He taught me what to do first, but I eventually asked him to do it. Recently, I had him teach me what he likes, too. But we’re still taking it step by step. He hasn’t seen more than my chest since I’ve only taken my top off so far.”

“It’s good to see you gaining confidence in your sexuality,” Corinne smiles.

“I don’t want to be afraid of sex forever. What happened to me was traumatic, but I don’t want it to define me. And I’m alsoreallyattracted to Lane.”

“So why haven’t you put a label on your relationship then?”

I take a deep breath and think it over. “I think I’m just scared,” I admit. “Like if we don’t say we’re together, it’ll…” I trail off before picking back up, lowering my voice. “It’ll hurt less if he decides my baggage is too much and walks away.”

“There it is,” she replies, jotting something down on her clipboard. “Olive, if you want my honest opinion, you’re going to be hurt either way. You aren’t saying you’re together, but you have to admit that you already are. You just haven’t made it official.”

“I know,” I whisper. “I’ve been getting better and gaining confidence, but there’s always that doubt niggling at the back ofmy mind. He doesn’t seem like the type to leave, and I hate to compare him to Jake, but I didn’t think he’d be the type to do what he did either.”

“You can’t live your life in fear, Olive. Yes, sometimes we get hurt when we allow ourselves to fully indulge in a relationship. But we’ll also end up hurt if we’re indulging in something we decide we won’t call a relationship.”

“And I’m already indulging, aren’t I?”

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