Page 111 of Not Fooling Anyone

She leans back, exhausted, and I grab a wad of toilet paper, handing it to her. “To clean your mouth,” I say awkwardly.

She takes it, wiping at her lips, and chucks it in the toilet, slamming the lid closed and depressing the flusher.

I search in the cabinet underneath the sink for a washcloth or hand towel, but there’s nothing, so I wet the corner of her bath towel hanging on the rack and bend down to dab at her face, doing anything I can to soothe her.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispers, eyes wide. God, she looks so lost.

“I should have,” I agree. “I’m sorry I didn’t. But I’m still coming to terms with it myself. It’s been a big adjustment.” I fiddle with the towel, rewetting it and placing it on the back of her neck. “I had no idea those things would be a trigger for you. I’d never have left them out if I had known.”

She nods. “Well, it’s my fault for not telling you.”

She gets up and moves to the sink, rinsing out her mouth and brushing her teeth, avoiding my eye in the mirror.

I return to her bedroom, giving her space, and sit back in the chair, my elbows on my knees, head in my hands. What a clusterfuck.

She finishes up, standing in the bathroom doorway staring at me. “I’m sorry,” she says in a small voice.

I look up at her, my heart breaking at how miserable she seems. “To be fair, you did say you’d probably mess up again somewhere along the way.”

She breathes out a weak laugh, wrapping her arms around herself. “I’m sorry I thought that about you. That I was avoiding you. That I yelled at you. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten that loud in my life.”

Though I hate it had to come to that, I understand how all that helplessness had to be crushing her. “Was it cathartic?”

She gives me a watery smile, wiping at her eyes. “Kind of. Sorry it had to be you it ended up coming out on.”

“Maybe it was me because you know deep down you can trust me. That I’m always going to be there for you.”

She shakes her head, sniffing loudly. “Why in the hell do you still want anything to do with me?”

I stand, crossing the room, and she meets me halfway, wrapping her arms tight around my waist, burrowing into my chest, and I hold her back just as tightly.

“I promised I wouldn’t leave you,” I murmur into her hair. “That I’d be patient with you.”

“I don’t deserve promises like that.”

“Yes, you do. Why would you think you don’t?”

“Because I’m unlovable,” she mumbles into my shirt.

I go still, shocked at her statement. Is that how she sees herself? If it is… I guess it explains a lot. “People love you, Lexie. What about your dad? Travis?”

Me.

“They might say they do, but they don’t. They don’t know me. I don’t… let them in.”

“So let them in, then. They’re still going to love you. I saw you and your dad together that first day I met you. He was proud of you. And I only really met Travis tonight, but he was so protective and wanted to make sure you were safe. They both care about you. And I care about you.” I take a deep breath, deciding to just go for it. “I love you.”

She pulls away, eyes wide as saucers. “Is this like last time when I accidentally said it?”

I can’t help the small laugh that escapes me. “No. I mean it.” I cup the back of her head, bringing her in close to me again. “When I thought you were ending things earlier… it put a lot into clarity. How much you mean to me. How much I don’t want this to end.”

She hugs me tighter, nestling into me.

“When you let your guard down around me,” I continue, “I love how sweet and sarcastic you are. You give back as good as I give you. And I’m pushy with you because I know you can take it. You’re strong. And you show these glimpses every so often of this caring, funny, beautiful girl I want in my life.” I stroke a hand over her hair, relief coursing through me now that I finally have her back in my arms.

She takes a shuddering breath, fingers gripping my shirt. “It hurt so bad when I thought I couldn’t trust you. You mean more than anyone else ever has. I’ve never felt this kind of connection. Didn’t think it was possible. And I hope you can forgive—”

“I forgive you. No question. I understand where you’re coming from now. What you’ve been through. And in the future, I want you to talk to me about it if you’re having a problem. No more keeping things bottled up inside. This won’t work, otherwise.”

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