Page 26 of Emma on Fire

We’re always being reminded of the opportunities our Ridgemont education offers—the life of wealth and success that awaits us. But what is the cost, besides $75,000 a year in tuition?

Our happiness? Our mental health?

Ourlives?

Those of you who knew Claire knew what a magical person she was. Her smile was brilliant and her laughter was contagious.

She was the best of us.

But we asked too much of her.

Claire didn’t deserve to die. And I didn’t deserve to lose the person I loved most in the world.

Wake up, Ridgemont.

Sincerely,

Claire’s Little Sister

CHAPTER 16

JADE COMES OVER and sits at the foot of Emma’s bed. She circles Emma’s ankle with her small, warm hand. “Love,” she says. “That was beautiful. They should’ve let you publish it.”

Emma shrugs. “Well, they didn’t.”

Celia seems to be at a loss for words. She’s gazing down into her lap, her shoulders slumped.

“I’m glad you wrote it, even so,” Jade says. “But you have to keep talking, Emma. You can’t shut yourself away. You have to take care of yourself. And most importantly, you can’t hurt yourself again. Claire wouldn’t want that.”

It doesn’t matter what Claire wants anymore, does it? And why should I take care of myself when the world is ending?

Emma turns to the wall. She just wishes they would goaway. She isn’t like them anymore, and there’s no way she can make them understand this.

“I might want a Lärabar,” Celia says softly, but no one acknowledges her. Emma wonders briefly if Lori might say Celia is eating her feelings.

“Claire was an amazing person,” Jade says softly. “Remember how she’d come up from New York to take us out to pizza?”

Of course Emma remembers. The last time Claire took them to Vinnie’s Pizza Pie was two months before she killed herself.

“We’d eat soooo much,” Jade goes on, “and then she’d buy us a whole other pie to take back to the dorm.”

“Vinnie’s PP,” Celia murmurs wistfully. “I haven’t been there in ages.”

“She always seemed so happy,” Jade says. “So full of life and stuff.”

“She was good at everything,” Emma says, “including acting like she was happy. Acting the way everyone wanted her to—as if it was all okay and everything was going to turn out fine.”

“You must miss her so much,” Jade says.

Emma grits her teeth.It must be so hard. You must miss her. You must be really struggling right now.Why does everyone she ever talks to feel the need to state the totally fucking obvious? And why is no one listening? She just said shewon’t do what Claire did—pretend until she broke. She’s done pretending. She’ll be broken out in the open, and at least something she does will matter when she draws attention to a problem larger than Claire, larger than Ridgemont, larger than all of them.

“Have you thought about taking time off?” Celia asks. “Ridgemont’s tough, like you said in your thing. I mean, your piece. Maybe you ought to give yourself a break.”

Jade nods. “Would your dad let you?”

Everyone knows what a hard-ass Byron Blake is.

Emma rolls back over to face them. Of course he wouldn’t. It isn’t a question worth answering, just like all the others. “I’m fine,” she says. “I’m just dealing with things in my own way.”

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