Page 29 of Christmas Rings

And I need my family, she thought, as she packed for the lonely trip. Being with them was the only way she would be able to get through the holidays. She couldn’t help but thinkof how she’d been looking forward to celebrating the love between her and Jed with them. She’d been so sure of him. Calling off the wedding had never crossed her mind. Not once.

What would she do after? How could she go on?

The only thing she could think of was how much she needed Mom and her sisters. They were the part of her life that never disappointed or failed her. No matter what, they were there for one another. Mom had always said that although they weren’t blood, they were family. Right now, she needed them.

With an aching chest, Alissa walked into the honeymoon suite in Cedar Mountain Lodge. Her wedding gown greeted her from the closet, like an uninvited guest. The lodge staff had steamed it already. The filmy white dress hung there, perfect and beautiful.

She placed her suitcase on the wooden stand and went to the window, avoiding the open closet and the dress. The curtains were open to the view of the outdoor Christmas tree, decorated in white lights. How had she forgotten the dress would already be here? She and Mom and Hailey had had such a wonderful time shopping for just the right one. The moment she’d come out from the dressing room, both of them had squealed and agreed that this was the exact dress for Alissa.

Despite her resolve to remain strong, Alissa collapsed on the bed and gave in to her tears, burying her face in the pillow. She’d kept it together on the flight from Seattle to Boise, and even in the rental car as she drove to the lodge.

Mom had texted that she would be there sometime that evening. It was just one now. Alissa knew she should eat something. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, otherthan coffee at the airport. Nothing wanted to stay down. It was like her stomach was the epicenter of her grief.

She was an idiot. That was the takeaway from this whole situation. Who was she to think she could have Jed? He was from another world. One of wealth and privilege. Whereas Maddie had counted pennies and sacrificed to keep the four girls in clothes and well-fed. She’d somehow managed to get them all through college. Granted, the other girls had all gotten scholarships because they were talented in specific areas. Stevie and her exceptional cooking abilities, Jo with her quick mind, Hailey’s artistic talent. They were special. Alissa knew she was not. All she’d ever wanted was to be with little children in a classroom. Fortunately for her, she didn’t need to be super smart like the others to fulfill her dreams. When she’d met Jed, she’d thought he was the last missing piece of the puzzle of her life. They would be together and make a family. A family like the one she’d had with her mother and father before they passed away.

She rolled over on her back, staring at the ceiling.

Finally, like a kid tearing off a bandage, she got up from the bed and went to the closet. She fingered the flower-pattern lace overlay and the empire waist made of tiny cloth flowers. The veil hung next to the dress, shimmery and attached to a thin, faux diamond headband.

What would she do with this beauty now? Since the day Jed had proposed, she’d imagined herself walking down the aisle, her arm linked with Mom’s, heading toward the man she loved. The dress had been altered to fit her petite frame. There was no returning it to the shop. Her hands balled into fists. Should she tear it apart? Toss it out the window? Send it to a charity? Where did all the dresses of the brokenhearted go?

After dinner with her sisters, a new level of exhaustion came over Alissa. Stevie and Hailey had decided to go to the bar after their meal, but she had begged off. She had just enough time for a short nap before her mother’s arrival. Just a blissful few hours where all this went away, and at the end, her mother would be there. She undressed, putting on her old flannel nightgown from when she was a teenager. The soft fabric always comforted during times of stress or homesickness. Nothing compared to this, though. She knew in her bones she would never get over this. Over him.

She crawled under the covers and lay on her stomach, letting the tears slide from her eyes, too tired to sob any longer. After a time, she fell asleep.

A buzz on her phone wakened her. The text was from Mom; she was finally at the hotel. There was a delay in check-in, but she’d be there in a few minutes. Alissa sighed with relief. Having her mother here would make it easier to breathe. Finally, she heard a soft knock at her door.

“Mom?” she said, as she opened the door.

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”

Alissa burst into tears and threw herself into her mother’s arms.

“Come sit on the bed with me and tell me everything,” Mom said.

Alissa cuddled into the room’s soft bathrobe and joined her mother on the bed. She took a deep breath and, without looking at Mom, blurted out her secret. “There’s something I have to tell you. I’ve had a second job for the last few years. At a gentlemen’s club.”

“What is that exactly? What do you mean?” Mom shifted to her side. “Sweetie, look at me.”

Alissa turned her face toward her mother. “Ladies dance on a stage. For men.”

Mom’s eyes widened. “You’ve been dancing at a strip club?”

“No, just cocktail waitressing. But I wear what’s essentially not much bigger than a bathing suit.”

Mom had paled but her expression remained calm. “Why would you do this?”

“I needed the money, Mom. My salary doesn’t cover everything, and then Sophie got hurt.” She explained how her plans to quit had changed. “And then I met Jed.” Alissa explained all of it then, including the cold response from his mother and father, and ending with what Mrs. Marsh had done.

Mom didn’t respond except for a slight wrinkling of her forehead.

“And then he walked out,” Alissa said. Was Mom getting this? “My life’s ruined. My reputation. I don’t even have my apartment now.”

“Okay. First of all, your life is not ruined, and I’m not so sure your relationship is either.”

Alissa stared at her mom, unsure of what to say. “Well, I mean, how can I marry into a family that would go to such lengths to destroy me? What if we had children and Jed died? She’d probably try and prove I was an unfit mother.”

Mom watched her for a moment. “That’s a leap.”

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