Page 170 of Home Game

ZOEY

SeeingRyan hadn’t been cathartic at all. Krista had reassured me, that after enough time had passed, I’d reach a point that I’d be able to see him and my heart wouldn’t hurt. That time hadn’t come yet.

It was almost laughable. When he had shown up in my apartment, the night Terrance attacked me, all I could focus on was how big he was, how good he smelled, how blue his eyes were.

When he stayed to help me clean up, I realized that my feelings for him hadn’t diminished. Seeing him had confused me more than ever. He didn’t want me, and yet my heart longed for him more than life itself.

“Are you thinking about Terrance?” Krista asked with concern in her voice.

“Why do you ask that?”

“Because I’ve been talking for about five minutes and you’ve been staring into space.”

“Sorry. No, I’m not worried about Terrance.”

Terrance was dead to me. You’d think his attack would have given me nightmares, but instead, he became a ghost I had eradicatedfrom my life. I couldn’t even remember our fight. One minute he was standing in my bedroom, the next minute, I was calling 911. It was done. I no longer gave it any thought.

“What did the police say?”

“He had four outstanding warrants for his arrest including armed robbery. They didn’t even charge me for stabbing him. They said I used acceptable defensive force against him.”

“Do you have to testify against him?”

“They don’t think so, but if they do, it won’t be for a year or so.”

“Are you okay?”

I looked up at her concerned face. “I think I still love Ryan.”

There. I said it. The “L” word. I hadn’t wanted to admit it to myself, much less anyone else, but it was what it was. The guy still owned my heart.

Her face broke into a smile. “That’s good.”

“How is that good?”

She shrugged. “Maybe he feels the same way.”

“He kicked me out. He didn’t want me.”

“Have you ever talked to him about it?”

I hadn’t. Not once. It had been too painful, too crushingly sad. “No.”

“Maybe you guys need to find your new normal.”

“Whatever that means.”

The next day at work,Wanda appeared in the doorway of the file room. In her arms was the most beautiful bouquet.

“What is this?”

“Delivery guy brought them.” She set them on the desk beside me. “There’s a card.”

I forgot how beautiful you were. Ryan

I blushed when I read the card. I set the flowers on the corner of my desk, close enough so I could smell their fresh scent.

Me:Thank you for the flowers.

---