Page 30 of Until He Scores

That was the understatement of the year. “Well, you know me. I like digging holes to bury myself in.”

“Don’t you ever.” Wes shouldered me. “Look, I’m not one to meddle?—”

I gave him a pointed look. “You said that with such a straight face.”

“Meh,” he shrugged. “Like I was saying, I don’t enjoy meddling. Stupid shit happens when too many people try to help you figure out your life. So, I’ll leave you with this instead. Don’t let your self-consciousness or the image of yourself get in your way of having the one thing you’ve been craving your whole life. It’d be a shame to miss out.”

Wes patted me on the shoulder before he walked away, leaving me to my muddled and dangerous thoughts. If Thierry could be himself, why couldn’t I? I guess that would always be the million-dollar question, right? He moved through life, through games, like it was nothing. Yet he asked me a simple question,why, and I deflected.

Truth was, I didn’t know why.

I couldn’t say I was jealous of him. Then again, maybe I was. He traveled the world. Had high profile friends. Been one of the NHLs Hot 100 Bachelors. People’s Choice Player of The Year. First Star, several times over, for his contribution to protecting the goalie and the goal. Nominated for a Hart Trophy at least five times and won two. Those were just a few of the accolades I’d found online while researching his long, star-studded career in hockey. The one that started the minute we met at eight years old.

Perhaps our roles were reversed now. He intimidated me. He had all the friends, and I was just some guy who ran away to Vegas and other parts unknown, to become a hot-shot tattoo artist. Maybe my head was still so fucked up because of my mother’s death. So, I kept everyone at arm’s length because I wastransferring my fears onto them. Like, if I got too close, and they passed away, a piece of me would die with them, too. Like my dad had with mom.

Or, when it came down to the brass tacks of the situation, I didn’t have a heart to begin with, so I couldn’t give anyone what they deserved. Especially Thierry. That thought hurt. Questions swirled through my mind as I recounted almost thirty years of knowing each other. Most of them I didn’t want to touch, while others made me uncomfortable.

The single most troublesome question continued to linger at the forefront of my mind. Was I attracted to him this whole time, and that scared me even more? Sitting there at the bar, watching him, didn’t give me the answer I sought. Plus, as much as I might be worried about what came next, I had to remind myself Thierry hated my guts. He had every right to after the shit I pulled.

I ditched him. Not the other way around. Just like I protected him while we were kids. I’d been his savior. His best friend. Then I broke him in the same manner all those little assholes in elementary and middle school had tried to do, but failed. Crazy to think the person he needed to be protected from the most, turned out to be the one person he trusted with his life.

Me.

Fuck, I messed up so damn bad.

I wished I could go back in time and tell myself to continue to watch over Thierry, that he’d need it in the years to come. However, I had issues I had to sort through. As much as my father tried to shield me from those church women or those who expected me to grow up over night, I still had this overwhelming sense of duty to my father and for a long time, our home.

A giggle of happiness drew my attention to where July was dragging Thierry off his stool. I hadn’t paid attention to what was playing on the sound system, only that I’d been glad itcovered the last thing I’d said to Thierry. When the group began to dance, I couldn’t tear my gaze off Thierry. He moved like a wounded animal. Stiff and timorous while the women didn’t give a damn what they looked like. They were carefree while he continued to hide himself.

“You look like you lost your best friend,” Hunter said.

“I think I might have. I’ve got no clue how to win him back either,” I said, unable to look away from Thierry.

“Be truthful,” Hunter replied. “The second you lie, is the second you’ll lose everything forever. Trust me on this. I had to learn the hard way with Posey.”

“What if the truth hurts both of us and destroys whatever is left of our friendship?” I quirked a brow. “Then what?”

“Then at least you know you did everything in your power to stay true to your friendship and to the person who means the most to you.”

Could it be that easy? Could I just walk over to Thierry, spill my guts, and leave it there if he hates me more? My stomach knotted and my heart lodged in my throat. I’d gone years believing I’d done the right thing with Thierry. I cut bait allowing him to keep going and achieve his goals. But what good were goals when he looked absolutely miserable? Worse, when I’d been part of the reason, he was miserable too. He said it outright. “I want a lot of things…” I could hear the desperation and the agony in that sentence.

The question sat on the tip of my tongue; did he want me too? Had those looks from years ago been ones of longing for me, in the context of a relationship, not me being on the ice with him? Or both? “I don’t think after what he said to me; anything can be salvaged.”

“Sure, it can,” Hunter said. “Might not be the same. Might have some dents and dings, even with Bondo and paint, but you might be surprised by the beauty that’d been there all this time.”

“You’re using a car metaphor, aren’t you?” I cut my gaze toward him.

“A little.” Hunter chuckled. “Look, man, it’s always going to be worth it, right? Putting everything on the table allows both of you to clear your conscience and figure out if you have a chance at making a relationship work. Denying yourself that, is like denying yourself food, shelter, or water. Why would you do that to yourself?”

Yeah. Why would I?

Chapter 12

Pope

“Damn, that’s kind of prophetic.”

Hunter patted me on the shoulder before crossing to where Posey stood, smiling at him like he was her everything. Jealousy ate a hole in my stomach, pouring acid into my bloodstream, and burning me from the inside out. I’d never say out loud I wanted what everyone else had, but I also couldn’t say Ididn’twant it, either.

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