Page 5 of Sunrise By the Sea

Even though, Marisa knew deep down, the stand was no good for her. She should have been with her family.

But guilt added a new layer of calcification to the stone inside her that was dragging her down and keeping her in; layer upon layer of sadness and grief and worry that was growing too large for her to do anything at all.

She had spent Christmas inside, on her own, fielding increasingly nasty texts from her mother, not so subtly implying she was doing it for attention. She’d gone to working full time from home. Her appointment with the NHS therapist still hadn’t come up. And, three months on, things were looking worse, not better.

The morning after the party, Caius came to a decision that was going to make things worse still.

Chapter Four

‘So.’ Caius looked regretful. ‘Okay, you have to know, first of all, this isn’t me, okay? I’ve spoken to all of my therapists about it and they all agree with me.’

Marisa blinked at him. It was four p.m. on a Tuesday, and she was still in her dressing gown. She’d been clicking through a huge pile of pics on Instagram: her friends had gone to a party on a boat last night. The boat hadn’t gone anywhere but they’d obviously had an absolute blast, drinking bright cocktails, and for some reason everyone was wearing ridiculous hats. Or perhaps it was the same hat, passed around. Anyway. They all looked like they were having a ball. They hadn’t even invited her. There was a limit to how many times she could say no to everything. They had been concerned and sympathetic to begin with but when nothing changed, and she was doing nothing and had nothing to say and frantically insisted all the time that she was all right . . . well. There wasn’t much they could do, even though they loved her, which they did. The wall she had built around herself was as sturdy as that of the flat and nobody had the power tools to knock it through.

Although Caius was giving it a very good try.

‘The thing is. You’re giving out what is mostly a Very Bad Vibe?’

Marisa noticed she had some tinned spaghetti sauce on her dressing gown and frowned.

‘It’s quite hard to live with you?’

This was from Caius who had parties every five minutes, left empty bottles everywhere and had random people showing up all the time of whom Marisa was mostly terrified and hid from in the bathroom.

She frowned at him.

‘Really? I’m quiet and tidy and pay the rent on time.’

Caius took a deep breath.

‘Actually, you’re spooky and sad and weird? It’s a bit like sharing a flat with that toilet ghost in Harry Potter?’ He nodded. ‘You know I’m only being honest like this for your own good?’

Marisa felt herself go numb.

She couldn’t get kicked out. She couldn’t. She’d have to leave . . . to go where? The idea of finding somewhere new was . . . it was too frightening. Too scary.

Her mum would be happy to have her home, but they still weren’t really talking, not after Christmas. She just didn’t understand, and she asked Marisa to explain it to her and Marisa didn’t understand either.

Plus her mum ran an open house anyway, she had thousands of friends popping in all hours of the day and night, as well as people from the charities she worked for, her choir, her church group . . . it was endless. She didn’t really need Marisa.

Marisa and her grandfather, both more reserved, had been peas in a pod, her mother had always said. It always made Marisa happy to hear that.

‘I’m not a toilet ghost,’ she said quietly.

‘I know,’ said Caius, in a reasonable tone. ‘But say youwerea toilet ghost, yeah, how different would your behaviour be?’

Marisa caught sight of herself in the mirror across the room. Her face was incredibly pale; normally her olive skin lit up at the slightest hint of sun, but she’d spent the entire year indoors so far. Her black hair looked faded and dull; her eyebrows straggly. Her mum would have a fit. She looked much older than she was.

‘You’re kicking me out?’ she said, confused and frightened.

Caius sighed. ‘I’m notevil,’ he said. ‘Do I seem evil to you? Is evil what I’m putting out there? It’s not really the look I’m going for. I have something for you I think you’ll like?’

‘Sure,’ said Marisa, feeling her breath harder to come by; she was suddenly aware of herself bodily; her heart racing, her chest getting tighter.

‘Anyway. It’s not like I’m kicking you out . . . I’m just moving in Binky and Phillip.’

‘Both of them?’

Caius had been carrying on an affair with each of the members of a couple.

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