Page 11 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

Sophy realised she was still staring at Mel’s arms and Mel had said nothing. ‘Sorry, you’re not cold, are you? I’m probably keeping you from your workout.’

‘I don’t mind the cold. I prefer it actually to the heat. My Daz complains cos I need a window open in the bedroom all through the year or I just start sweating, like profusely. It’s not pretty. I asked Daz what he would prefer: a sodden wet mess next to him or a few little goosebumps.’ Mel smiled. ‘Anyway, do you feel okay? No sharp pains or dizzy spells? I have my first aid certificate – got it cos I was teaching dance as well as doing it, so you know, you’re in safe hands.’

Sophy thought for a moment. There was a searing pain in her knees, and she knew she had the remnants of a few pebbles stuck to her gloves, but she decided to play it down.

‘I think I’m going to be okay. Just my ego that’s wounded.’

‘Oooh, nice line – I like that. Okay, my friend. Take it easy.’ Mel turned to walk away, then she stopped and called back over her shoulder, ‘And text or call when you’re feeding later. I’ve a feeling I’ll be up with Skylar tonight – she’s slept half the afternoon and woke up sniffly as hell.’

Sophy waved and smiled through a grimace.

Then she limped away to Frank’s café, where she worked her way through three vegan brownies in a state of mortification.

* * *

Just over an hour later, Sophy wheeled the pram into the tiny hallway of the house, left Max sleeping and raced upstairs. After the catastrophe outside Mel’s house, Sophy felt she needed to offset some of the negative energy that had been seeping from her since it happened. That negative energy quadrupled when she left the café, three brownies heavier. What kind of influencer was she? She experienced a moment of mortification, a slight bash to her knee and she did the one thing she explicitly told her followers not to do: she had turned to food for comfort.

She quickly touched up her make-up and tied her hair back into a neat ponytail. She held her iPhone to her right side, her better side, and sat in the chair with the wall in the background and pressed record on the Insta stories.

‘Hi guys! It’s been so nice these last few days with Max – we’ve been getting out and about without Daddy, as he’s back at work, and already we’re like a proper little team. I am starting to feel a bit more like myself again, but I am feeding Max through the night, so I can’t say I’m not tired. But it’s worth it. I’m excited for what this year will bring.

‘As we are coming into spring, I am focusing on getting my core strength back in shape, it shouldn’t take very long because I continued exercising whilst I was pregnant with Max. But I want to get strong. I have several challenges I have set for myself, which I want to share with you soon, and maybe, just maybe, you will feel inspired to challenge yourself too.

‘Our bodies are capable of amazing things. I mean, I just pushed a human out of my nether region – something I honestly thought was an urban myth until it actually happened – so we can really surprise ourselves when we have a little faith and try to push our bodies that little bit more.

‘Anyway, I just wanted to pop on, say hi and let you know I haven’t disowned you, and I’m not lost in a world of nappies and baby wipes – although there is a lot of that. I am here for every single one of you, to help you, encourage and inspire you. You are all brilliant, brilliant humans – don’t forget that. Exercise and healthy heating is a lifelong journey, not a quick fix. It’s a lifestyle choice, so make that choice and stick with it. I’m here for you as always.

‘See you soon.’

Sophy blew a kiss to the camera then felt the familiar deflation as she thought about what she had just told her followers versus the stark reality of her body currently digesting three brownies. Then she thought about the influx of messages in her inbox that were sure to come from that one post. A wave of despondency washed over her at the thought of having to reply to people. She just wanted to lie in bed and watchMarried at First Sight. Sophy looked around at the mess in the bedroom she had meant to sort earlier before she left and felt even worse.

She began to tidy up, but, after a few minutes, tiredness overcame her and she flopped down on the bed. Sophy looked at her emails on her phone and saw there were fifty-one new messages. Oh crikey! What did all these people want? Couldn’t they just leave her alone? But Sophy knew she needed this job; even if Jeff reassured her that he was the breadwinner and that she had nothing to worry about financially, she did not want to end up as one of those women who had to go to their partner to ask for money. She had to have her own source of income for her own sanity, and maybe – she could admit to herself, after all – as a safety net. Some relationships didn’t last, and if that ever happened to her and Jeff, then what would she have as a backup? Her parents were skint and had only manged to buy their house because the council sold it to them for a pittance. She received a modest income in sponsorship from her Instagram account, but she was determined to build it up into a business, even if it killed her. She just had to find a way to love it a bit more, to feel true enthusiasm for the content she was putting out. That way, if she really believed in it, then everyone else would too, and then she was sure the account would grow exponentially. She knew that until recently, she was just riding off the back of a few well-taken photographs, well-timed posts and clever hashtags.

Sophy glanced once more at the messages and then put them to the back of her mind until later. She would reply to all of them in bed tonight.

The house was a mess, and seeing all those messages from followers all wanting advice on nutrition or just reaching out to say hi, made her brain feel messy too.

But claustrophobic as well. The house really was too small. She was frustrated that Jeff, who drove around in a Jaguar F-PACE, had taken so long to commit to the extension on the house when she knew there was enough money coming in from the estate agency to cover the cost. Whyhadhe taken so long? Sophy wondered. She tried not to contemplate the possibility that it was because he hadn’t seen them lasting. She had definitely felt some tension after they discovered she was pregnant, even though it had been discussed many times. Jeff had been adamant he was ready to be a father. Yet he’d developed a faraway look in his eye once the pregnancy test was sat on the table between them, and it hadn’t ever really gone away.

Max was here now, and so far Jeff was showing some promise as a new father. But the size of the house was a problem. Especially if they decided to have more children. It wasn’t something they had discussed, but something Sophy knew she would want in a few years’ time. She would just need to wait to broach the subject with Jeff once he had lost that look in his eye. Sophy had specifically asked him to do something before Max was born so that they weren’t all tripping over one another and the mountain of Max’s stuff that was beginning to take up every corner of the house. If Sophy had been a little savvier with money or understanding finances (it was her least favourite module in her business degree), then she would feel more confident speaking to Jeff about his money. But she didn’t and so he kept his finances well and truly to himself. And Sophy found she didn’t have the foggiest about the ins and outs of Jeff’s business. She knew he owned an estate agency, but she was annoyed that she had never instigated finding out more about the financial operations of the business from the outset. But how does one bring that up in the beginning of a relationship?Wow, I really love your eyes? Tell me how much did your business make in the last tax year?She had met Jeff, fallen for him, specifically his charming mannerisms and his insistence on paying for everything, so that when it became serious, she didn’t feel she could begin questioning anything. Four years later, she was as clueless as the smitten girl who had fallen for him.

She bent down and began tidying the clutter in the bedroom. She was about to start making the bed when the loud trill of the doorbell made her heart leap. She cursed, because she knew that would have woken Max up without a doubt. But it was her own fault for leaving him so close to the front door.

Sophy trotted down the stairs, peeked in at a miraculously still-sleeping Max and opened the front door. There on the doorstep was a tall, tanned man, around six foot with ruffled dark-blond hair and an unshaven rough-stubbled chin. He was wearing the most miraculous smile that lit up his eyes so that they sparkled like hundred-watt bulbs and made his cheeks dimple in an endearing way. She was quite taken aback and seemed to forget all doorstep etiquette. She just stood there, smiling back, until she felt her cheeks beginning to hurt. Eventually, he spoke, and Sophy was treated to the richest velvety Irish accent she had ever heard.

‘Hiya, I’m Niall. Me and me lads are doing the extension.’

And then Sophy felt herself inwardly groan.

Oh no, she thought.Oh. No.

* * *

2.38 a.m. – Sophy:Hi, girls. How are you all doing?

2.47 a.m. – Aisha:Hey, Sophy, I’m up with the twins. Just finished feeding them. They are both back in their cot. For now. Reckon I might get a couple of hours’ kip in. Thanks for texting. Hey, it’s almost 3 a.m.!

2.48 a.m. – Sophy:Yeah, I know. This time of the morning, like you say, can be the loneliest time. So good to meet you all the other day. I don’t think we were destined for tai chi and tea. Shall we try to meet up again soon?

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