Mel’s reply came back straight away.

2.56 p.m. – Mel:Yep, every day. I spent the entire day with my top on inside out. No one said anything. I only noticed when I went to change out of it after Skylar threw up on me.

Aisha laughed out loud. She understood that completely. It was exactly the sort of thing she could imagine herself doing.

Mel:Can you top that?

Aisha:No. Nothing that bad. Although that was pure lol. Just checking I’m not the only one who feels like they’re losing their mind!

Mel:I’m with you there, girl. I sometimes think I’ll pass myself coming back the other way, I’m that busy at the moment.

Aisha:Well, take it easy. Let’s wait to hear from the admin with a date. But I’m pretty free most days. And I haven’t been to any baby groups, is that bad?

Mel:Maybe we could go to one together? Safety in numbers!

Aisha:Yes, could we? I do want to do it for the boys, but the idea of a baby group terrifies me!

Mel:I’m a veteran of baby groups. I’ll find us one and we can all go together.

Aisha:Ha-ha! I look forward to it.

As Aisha put down her phone again, she found that she was smiling. The boys were laid out on their activity mat in front of her,Orange is the New Blackwas on quietly in the background – that was one thing she was going to make the most of – watching programmes that would be deemed highly inappropriate if the babies could sit up and see. She got down onto the floor and lay closest to Otis. He gurgled and made a squeaking noise. Aisha tried to do what she was being told to do by Charley and just live in the moment, but the happiness that she had felt after Mel’s reply on the WhatsApp group had passed as quickly as it had arrived, and Aisha felt a sudden sense of foreboding, a hint of a gut wrench that was trying to sneak back in. Why couldn’t she hold on to the happiness? Why was it so difficult? She tried to replay Mel’s message in her head, and relive how it had made her feel, but it was gone, and the strange tingly tummy feeling was back again.

Aisha had always been an optimistic child. When her father had left, she had comforted her mother daily, telling her that things would be okay. That was where her love of cooking had come from, as she had begun to assist her mum in the kitchen to feel closer to her. So, Aisha tried to use some of that optimism now: she’d felt a sense of joy when she had read messages from the 3 a.m. Mums, so if she could feel little else for now, at least she had hope.

9

MEL

The small, skinny woman who had claimed her spot directly in front of Mel at her yoga class was stretching enthusiastically even before the instructor had arrived. Was that not the point of a yoga class? To stretch? It had been a fair few months since Mel had been to one of Doug’s classes at her local gym, and she wondered if she had missed a vital new addition to the timetable. Was stretching prior to stretching now mandatory? The woman in front of her was in a downward dog but was so damn flexible that her head was almost coming all the way back through her legs like some sort of stretchy cartoon character. As a result, Mel got not only an intimate view of the woman’s backside but also at her strange elastic neck as her head poked in between her tiny legs. It was comical to look at, and Mel was half inclined to stay put and not move twelve inches to her right so she would be able to see Doug when he arrived and instead remain highly entertained by Mrs Incredible throughout the class. But before she had time to think about it any longer, a woman arrived next to her and began setting up her yoga mat. She flung it out and Mel was hit by a waft of lavender. She turned to the tall, thin woman next to her.

‘Wow! That smells amazing! Is that you?’ Mel said to the woman.

‘Ya, it’s my mat. It’s fluffy too!’ the woman said in a South African accent

Mel looked down at the mat, which had a mound of fluff on the top. ‘So, it is! I have never seen one like that.’

‘Ya, t’was a present. From me!’ The woman guffawed loudly. Mel flinched at the noise and thrust herself into a downward dog.Ahh, she thought,so stretching before stretching is a thing. She buried her head between her legs and avoided any further eye contact with lavender woman or Mrs incredible. Doug arrived, looking fit with his usual golden tan. The thirty-something dark-haired yoga instructor strode into the room and immediately all eyes were on him. A few women began chatting intimately, clearly discussing Doug’s Greek-god-like status as he went straight down almost into the splits and lay his entire body along one leg. Mel heard one woman three mats away outwardly gasp.

‘Okay, Okay!’ Doug got himself back up and began fiddling with his iPad, attaching a headset over his bouncy barnet. Soft music began playing out of the speakers around the room and Doug got settled back on his mat at the front of the room.

‘Right, ladies, who do I have today? Any newcomers, any injuries, show your hands now!’ Doug’s Essex accent rang out around the room.

Mel stood up straight and caught Doug’s roaming eye.

‘Mel!’ he said brightly. ‘Welcome back! Ladies, if you haven’t yet met Mel, she is our super-star yoga enthusiast, been here as long as I have. So good to see you again, make sure you grab me at the end. And take it easy!’

Mel smiled and nodded and avoided the gazes of some of the other women, a few of whom she remembered from when she came before but had never really engaged in conversation with.

Doug began the class with a tai chi warm-up and then began the yoga. Mel quickly drifted off into her own world with the dulcet tones of Doug’s voice lulling her into a meditative state. It amazed Mel how he lost his high Essex accent somewhere after the first sun warrior as his tone morphed into hippy yoga instructor: deep and melodic.

Mel was feeling completely relaxed and was thrilled her body had sunk back into most of the positions as though no time had passed, as though she hadn’t given birth at forty-three and put her body under a massive strain at such an age. Doug’s voice oozed itself out around the room and spread itself amongst the ears of the women. Mel wondered why it was indeedallwomen in this class. She remembered a man from a couple of years ago. Doug had made a lot of references to his sex, singling him out for commentary throughout the class, and perhaps, Mel thought, he had become tired of being the only guy amongst fifteen or so women. Doug was sweet but lacked tact and occasionally good social etiquette.

‘And into a downward dog.’ Doug’s voice trailed slowly and smoothly. Mel slid seamlessly into the move, but not before she caught the eye of the woman in front of her and her stupid upside-down face that hung between her legs. She looked between her own legs and tried to pretend the woman wasn’t there. Mel was feeling smug with how easily she was able to make the transition between each move so seamlessly and could feel her muscles tense and relax again with each move.

‘Now warrior two, right leg turned out, third toe in line with knee and sink as far as you can go.’

If Mel had felt the sudden sucking of air into her vagina during the last downward dog, she chose to ignore it, because in the time she had been away from this class, she had not thought about the loosening of the muscles in her nether regions very much. When she had given birth to Leia, she had been over ten years younger; things had popped back into place a lot quicker then. So, when she had followed Doug’s instructions and sunk a little lower into the pose, she was shocked to hear the sound that trumpeted from beneath her, initially unable to believe it had come from her or a hole that had brought two babies into the world without creating such a hullabaloo before. But the shuddering sensation between her legs that accompanied the loud expulsion of air confirmed her worst fear. Doug remained calm and focused, continuing his honeyed words, encouraging breath and spiritual connection. Heads spun this way and that, searching for the culprit, and Mel remained tight in her pose, her cheeks burning with mortification, but her head held high. With the music playing and Doug’s voice coming through boldly from the speakers, it would have been impossible for anyone to know, and Mel was certainly not about to hold her hand up and admit to doing something that, until then, she had thought only happened to other women, women with incontinence or who had given birth to fifteen babies. So, it was with the greatest confidence that Mel sunk back down into another downward dog, this time tightening her pelvic muscle to ensure no entry to any unwanted air. Just before she tucked her head down, she caught the eye of the upside-down woman in front of her again. And even at such an awkward angle, it was impossible for Mel to ignore the face that was trying to say something. The woman held Mel’s gaze for enough time for the message to come across loud and clear. ‘I know it was you’ said the upside-down eyes, and Mel sunk into her pose, suddenly feeling half the size she was when she arrived.