Page 16 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

2.59 a.m. – Aisha:How come you’re awake, anyway? That’s unusual for you.

3.01 a.m. – Mel:I know. I’ve had the night from hell. Sky’s had me up three times already. Hoping she’ll go through now ’til actual morning.

3.02 a.m. – Aisha:Oh dear, she’s over three months now, isn’t she? She’s out of the fourth trimester and is now a bit more conscious of her existence. I guess we’ll be hearing from you a lot more during the night!

Mel looked at the message in bewilderment. What was this fourth trimester that Aisha was talking about? And why didn’t she, who had been a mother once already, know about this? She googled it and read quickly about the phase straight after birth, where the mother can help ease the transition between the womb and the world by keeping baby close at all times. Well, Mel had not done any baby wearing; Sky had been happy in her cot and slept for almost six hours most nights for the last six weeks. Occasionally, she would wake for a feed at about four, but would always go straight back to sleep again until at least seven.

Mel threw the phone on the sofa and hoped that this was just a slight blip. Skylar was having a mere moment and, hopefully, normal business would resume the next night. She was forty-fucking-three – she couldn’t cope with being woken that many times in one night.

She pushed herself to the end of the sofa, lay her head on the cushion and put her feet out along in front of her. She would just stay there for a moment until she was sure Skylar, who was flat out on her chest, was definitely not going to wake up again.

* * *

‘What are you doing down here?’

Mel opened her eyes. Well, one eye. The other seemed to need a little more encouragement. Daz was standing in front of her and there was light streaming through the curtains. Shit, she had slept on the sofa. Daz was dressed in his work clothes. It must be six thirty already. He was always in the office for eight. Mel wanted to hand the baby over but seeing at how pristine and smart he looked – he always looked pristine and smart – in his suit, she knew he wouldn’t take her. She sat up, slowly, Sky still clinging to her chest.

‘You’ll make a rod for own back sleeping with her like that all night,’ Daz said in a half-mocking tone as he walked to the kitchen.

‘You don’t happen to have one, a rod? I could really do with one right now.’ Mel felt a sharp pain slice through her lower spine, which had been unsupported on the sofa for the last three hours. She lay with her head against the sofa and heard the kettle boiling. A few minutes later, there was a cup of tea in front of her on the coffee table. Sky remained glued to her chest, her little mouth open in an O-shape as she breathed. Mel watched her for a few minutes and felt as if all the strength had been sucked out of her. She wanted to reach for the mug, but to do so would wake Sky and she wasn’t ready for that just yet. So, she sat there, watching her brew cooling, and in her head, began to invent a machine that would bring hot tea to your mouth without risk of burning mother or baby.

10

SOPHY

The house had taken on the aroma of fresh wood and some sort of chemical smell that wasn’t all that unpleasant. This was accompanied by the constant tinny sound of Radio 1 being played and the occasional male voice singing along. Niall had been at the house for three days with his ‘band of merry men’, as Jeff had referred to them. They were always so jolly – ‘Morning, Mr Haddon,’ they’d call as they arrived just before he slipped out of the door. The first morning, Jeff had waited to leave the house until after 8 a.m. to make sure they were all there and doing what they should be doing. Not that Jeff had any understanding of what building an extension entailed, but he stood over them for a few minutes as they began unpacking tools, nodding, and saying, ‘Good, good.’

Since then, he hadn’t bothered, and Sophy had been in the house with them for the last few days and had begun to get used to the noise and the clutter. It reminded her of the house she grew up in, with three younger brothers and an elder sister; there were always people coming and going, and once her parents had bought the house, they spent a little bit of money getting new windows and a new door put in. Sophy realised she had forgotten how much she loved the feeling of a busy house. She had spent so much time simply existing with just Jeff. When she mentioned how she would love a large family like the one she had come from, she saw Jeff physically recoil. She hadn’t mentioned it again because, of course, why would Jeff – an only child who had been and still was doted on by Wendy and Al – need a house full of kids with needs and wants? Instead, Sophy had moments of panic that Max would not experience the chaos and love that came with more than one child in a house.

The sun was shining, so she decided she would take herself out to the garden to do her weekly vlog. Max was in the pram in the corner of the lawn. She’d done a walk down to the coffee shop, and he had thankfully nodded off on the way home. She set up a chair next to the small shed, which was still new and modern looking, if a little weather worn, but Sophy felt this added to the background effect she was going for. The shed itself barely contained anything except a few basic gardening tools. No mower either as the lawn was fake grass. She put the camera on its tripod a few metres away from the chair, sorted out the focus, pressed record, then sat down with the empty takeaway coffee in her hand as a prop.

‘Hey, guys, hope you’re all well. Hope you’re all super proud of me for sorting out another video! I do these to motivate myself as much as you, so you know we’re all in this together.

‘Firstly, sorry about any noise in the background, we’re having an extension built, and it’s all a bit messy and noisy right now. But that won’t stop me getting behind this camera and helping you all stay motivated. That’s why I brought myself out into the garden on this glorious morning. It’s a bit chilly but the sun is so warm. Remember, sun gives us natural vitamin D, which is essential for absorbing calcium for bone strength, the immune system and for our brains and mental health. We don’t get enough sun in this country, do we? So I always take a vitamin D supplement. I will try to add a link somewhere somehow to the one I use. I might stick it in my stories, so check those out too.

‘I mainly wanted to say don’t forget to look after yourselves today. If you had a bad day yesterday, then wipe the slate clean and start again. My DMs are open if you need any nutritional advice. I study nutrition still every day – there is so much more new information to discover – and as soon as I know it, I’ll share it with you. I’ll be back to exercising again soon, so I’ll keep you posted on how that goes! Eeek, pelvic muscles! I have to give my body a couple more weeks to recover yet. But watch this space! In the meantime, have a great day, guys. And be the very best you can be today.’

Sophy stood up and was about to switch the camera off when she felt the sensation of someone watching her. She looked to her left, and Niall was standing at the back door – which was soon to become one long patio door. He was watching her with a look of curiosity.Shit, Sophy thought. She had presumed they were all in the van at the front of the house having their tea break. She would edit it later when Max was having another nap. As she went to take a step forward, a pain shot up through her pelvis.

‘Arrrgh.’ Sophy went to grab hold of the tripod in an attempt to steady herself, but it was too weak and she watched in horror as it toppled to the ground.

‘Hey there, you okay?’ Niall was next to her, bending down and picking up the tripod and camera.

Sophy looked at him as he rose back up to her level, then overtook her. He was a few inches taller. With what she now realised were actually green eyes. Had she only just noticed that? Or was this because this was the closest he had been to her?

‘Thank you. I’m fine. Just a twinge.’

‘You know you shouldn’t overdo it. Although, me mammy had six babies and was up the next day with all of us, so who am I to talk.’

‘Hey, that’s funny, I’m from a large family too. An elder sister and three younger brothers.’

‘I thought I could see that in you. You look like a girl who has had to fight for attention.’

Sophy looked quizzically at Niall.

‘I meant it as a compliment, even though it clearly did not come out as one. You look like a very assertive young lady is what I was trying to say.’ Niall seemed to shake his head in embarrassment.

‘Oh, right, well in that case, thank you. And I’m not overdoing it. It’s…’ Sophy stopped herself. She wasn’t about to explain about the searing pain she would get every time she peed that had only just begun to subside, but had now been replaced with occasional pelts of pain through her vagina and into her anus and how she had read up about it and it was all perfectly normal and part of the healing process when your perineum had been ripped pushing an infant’s head out of your body. No, best not speak about those things to the builder.

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