Page 19 of The 3am Shattered Mums' Club

‘I do, yes,’ Sophy said firmly, not allowing her sudden rush of embarrassment to jar her.

‘Well, now, isn’t that something?’ Niall looked thoughtful. ‘Maybe me mam didn’t do too badly by me after all. I might even forgive her for all the Findus’ crispy pancake dinners then.’

Sophy’s face brightened. ‘You ate crispy pancakes! I loved those as a kid.’

‘Did you now? Oh yes, we ate them by the bucketload. All the flavours stocked up in our freezer. She wasn’t much of a cook, our mam – still isn’t – but she tried her best. With so many of us running around, it wasn’t easy.’

‘No, I can imagine. I wish they still did them now though, don’t you?’

‘Sure you can still find them. They’ve been rebranded and brought out slightly different flavours, but they’re still good enough. I still have one for our tea from time to time.’

Sophy enjoyed listening to Niall’s accent. She also wanted to ask if ‘our tea’ was an Irish was of speaking or if there was indeed a significant other, but decided it was none of her business.

‘I do love crispy pancakes – beef and onion were my favourite, and the cheese one.’

‘Oh, they still do those flavours. Like I said, not bad.’

‘Wow, who knew?’

‘You’ve been shopping in all the wrong places, I’m afraid.’

‘Well, you’ll have to tell me where you got yours.’

‘Oh, I couldn’t possibly do that – you’d buy the lot, and I’d be without me tea on a Friday night.’

‘Well, maybe if I could bribe you with a posh coffee you might reconsider?’ Sophy said, feeling more confident and gesturing to the shiny black machine on the kitchen counter behind her and feeling a ripple of joy at her own flirtatious behaviour.

Niall looked at Sophy for a few seconds as Sophy held his gaze and smiled up at him. He took a deep breath and turned back to the door.

‘I’d best not – the lads will think I’ve disowned them. Got a flask of builders’ brew in the van.’ There was still a brightness to his voice, but it had lost some of the vigour that had been there just before.

‘Oh,’ Sophy started, a feeling of raw disappointment in her gut, but Niall had disappeared through the back door.

Sophy looked at her ham and cheese sandwich, which now felt a bit dry and tasteless in her mouth. and all she could think of was a crispy pancake oozing with cheese or mince.

* * *

After lunch, which ended up being a berry smoothie as well to wash the bread down – but also because it doubled up as a very Instagram-able picture – Sophy took Max out for a walk around the park, stopping on a bench to feed him. She didn’t fancy going back to the empty house and wandering around the tiny rooms alone with Max, being overlooked by Niall and his team of builders. She wanted to feel as though she was important and doing something worthwhile, not some sad thirty-something mum messing around on Instagram and fawning over her baby. But then why was she worried about what Niall thought about her? she wondered. It was her house for goodness’ sake. Well, not hers exactly. It was Jeff’s, and she lived there. Sophy felt a sudden burst of panic. Jeff had said he would put her on the deeds to the house when Max was born. It had been almost a month, and he hadn’t mentioned it, and she, well, she had just given birth, was breastfeeding, being up all night and trying to run an Instagram business, so it had slipped clear from her mind. After a moment, the panic subsided and Sophy considered it all for a moment. It was fine, she would speak with Jeff tonight and get it all sorted.

After his feed, Max had a marathon snooze, allowing Sophy time to sit on the bench, occasionally giving the pram a rock when she heard Max stir. She scheduled a few posts on Hootsuite, she had some pictures of Max and a few staple images on her phone she could use for general content – an image of a Nike trainer, a glass of water on the kitchen island – so she added some relevant content to them and scheduled them all to come out over the next few days. Then she saw her DMs had stacked up again. Jeez, did people never stop? She typed out a few replies and thank-yous, then she sat back and raised her head to the sun, grateful for what a warm spring it was turning out to be.

* * *

Jeff was home just after six that evening. Sophy heard him slap his briefcase on the island and fling open the fridge. The beers she had been instructed via text to buy earlier rattled on the inside shelf.

Sophy had just finished bathing Max, and came downstairs with him tucked snuggly into the crook of her arm.

‘Is that my two favourite people?’ Jeff said without turning around. ‘Anything good for dinner, babes?’

Sophy reached Jeff’s side, and he turned, letting go of the fridge door so it closed.

‘Here he is!’ He looked down at Max. ‘My god, he gets more handsome every day. Just like your daddy!’ he said, touching Max’s cheek with his finger. Sophy did an inward eye roll and suppressed a sigh.

‘Do you mind washing your hands before you hold him?’

Jeff looked at her quizzically but walked over to the sink and rinsed his hands then dried them on a tea towel. Sophy had hoped for some involvement with soap, but she knew when to pick her battles. She was tired, like she always was at this time of day. All she ever wanted to do when she had bathed Max and handed him over to Jeff, was to sleep. But that would mean she would need to leave putting Max down to Jeff, and well, she was breastfeeding him right until he fell asleep and so that wouldn’t work. She handed Max over to Jeff, who began chatting to him about his day as he walked out of the kitchen into the lounge. ‘Bring us a beer, babes!’ Jeff called from the lounge. ‘Actually, scrap that, I’ll go straight for a gin and tonic. It’s been a beast of a day,’ he called again. Then he carried on speaking to Max. ‘Yes, it has, Daddy has been working very hard to buy you lots of nice things, yes, he has. Cos that’s what daddies do. What would you like when you’re bigger, shall Daddy get you a Tesla, shall he?’

Sophy stood in the kitchen, half listening with irritation to Jeff babbling on to Max and getting riled up over the fact she’d made a detour on her way back from the park, with a fractious Max after his long nap, to get Jeff the beers he no longer wanted.

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